Bowling

Bowling

            Even though it is early in the 2012-2013 varsity bowling season an important date is looming in the Mcquaid keglers’ future. January 3, 2013. On this date Steve Pogal long time Varsity bowling coach and three time defending City Catholic champions has decided he wants the record.

            Now at this juncture let me point out that the Mcquaid bowling team is about to set another record. Most players on their team EVER! Is it the popularity of bowling? Is there a huge growth sport?

             Not really, it is the coaches’ mantra of PLAY FOR FUN and that is exactly what this team does. In the ever escalating world of High School and youth sports athletics and the damaging mantra of playing to win, more is better, and the status of being the couch and  his “club” team connections, Mcquaid bowling is saying there is another way to approach high school athletics and it is working. Their slogan of “three holes and a dream is typical of their approach. Loose, fun, and different.

            From having his players discuss certain current  events during the matches to relax his players, or  bowling against a girls all star team to raise thousands of dollars for charity, to using 6 lb. balls for an exercise in FUN and camaraderie, the McQuaid bowling team is the antithesis of what youth sports and high school varsity sports have become. They are different. It’s all about having fun and being a good teammate. OUTSATNDING! And it’s working. More and more players are flocking to his team and the word around school is spreading and in the Rochester New York bowling community.

            The President of the school has shown up for numerous matches. The Principal was there. The athletic director has attended and had his picture taken with team. A student was brought in to sing the national anthem. The schools cheerleading section called the “Samba Society” has attended a match.

            Let’s be clear here. There is real coaching going on at many different levels on this team. The coach has had requests by parents to have his players play year round. He has explained why it wasn’t a good idea. He has been stringent about academics. He cares about the kids outside of bowling.

             His resume as an outstanding bowler and holder of seven three hundred games is impressive. He does teach bowling. But what he teaches that is more important than just the technique of bowling. He teaches fundamentals of life and how much fun you can have playing a sport and have it be an integral part of the athlete getting better. Instead of chastising and benching a player for trying out for the schools’ PLAY he asks for tickets and wants to bring the whole team to the performance.

            You really want to know what youth and high school sports should be about, go watch the Mcquaid Bowling team in action!

            The coach routinely asks players who have never bowled before, or have been under tremendous pressure to play a sport year round to come out for bowling and have some fun. He doesn’t just talk the talk, he walks the walk.

             New bowlers are quickly put into the starting lineup and instructed to have fun. Why does he do it this way? Well, because it works. His bowlers continually reach heights of excellence and top scores with this approach.

             What is the response from those watching from other so called bowling experts as they observe this wonderful team I n action? One comment was, “the Mcquaid bowling team is having too much fun!” Another response was a complaint to the bowling alley where the Mcquaid team practices and plays their matches. “They are disrespecting bowling.”

             In actuality he is simply proving a point to people. Let the kids have fun, encourage them to have fun, and watch the results. This brings me back to the point of this essay. On January 3 2013 at 3:45P.M. in the afternoon Mcquaid will take on its rival Aquinas in a bowling match of little consequence in the big picture of the season. What the coach would like and I believe he has earned the right to ask for, is to have 100 students attend the match and cheer for the team. That would be the record he most wants to have. How great is that? He wants the cheering to be LOUD but positive and classy. And to show his class in terms of the big picture he wants his fans to cheer for Mercy High School’s bowlers, Mcquaids all girls sister school who will be on the lane next to his teams.

            What a tremendous message to send to all who watch and participate in youth and high school sports. What a wonderful idea and thought for Mcquaid bowling team, a team made up  of the most diverse athletes and nontraditional play for pay athletes to send to all of Monroe County and Section V athletics. Well done.
Vj's weekly blogs are an ongoing series in support of youth and high school sports. you can follow Vj on twitter @VJJStanley email him at vj@frozenshorts.com go to his website frozenshorts.com and purchase his book Stop The Tsunami In Youth Sports. PLAY FOR FUN!

Thankfullness

 THANKFULNESS

                Hi. Most of my blogs have to do with a problem in youth sports, the reason for the problem, and frozenshorts solution to the problem.

                What I would like to talk about today is thankfulness. In the hectic world that we live in and with the tragedy of Hurricane Sandy upon those on the east coast, I think for most of us it is time to give thanks for what we have, and what is really important.

                I wanted to bring a thought home to you for you to mull around in your mind.  The children we care so very much for are our future in this world. I would like you to think of how we model the behavior we would like them to have and then to teach their children a beneficial behavior for future generations.

                I would ask you to look across the field, rink, and court, as you go to your sporting or family event this holiday season, and try to see the other person’s life for a minute. Are they really that much different than you? Are they going through a struggle in life, whether it is financial, work related, or in their personal life that affects the way they see the world and then react to it.

                Whatever the reason most everyone you see is fighting some kind of battle. It could be the family who put all their hope in the athletic future of their child without understanding the undue pressure it put on their children and the residual resentment it fostered toward them.

                It may be someone cutting you off in traffic and you overreacting because of the day to day [pressure you feel. Maybe what you don’t see is that they have out of state plates and are lost. It could be they are just rude and obnoxious and you feel the need to lash out at them and teach them a lesson.

What I ask of you during this holiday season, is if you can see it in your heart and mind to look at a stressful situation and try, I know it is very difficult, and smile. Think of how much we have to be thankful for. Think of how many people have it worse than we do during this season. And yes I know you have heard this request before and you really don’t give it much thought.

                But what is different is I am asking you to take a look at your child, and simply ask them what they would like for a present from you. Tell them no matter what they say to you will not be upset, and mean it. Make sure that you are not so offended and put it in your rolodex of things that you resent and bring it back up to them on a later date. When you hear their request, take it to heart. They are children and we can learn so much from them, really.

You have heard me talk about the three things children need the most: safety, love, and fun. Let’s try and see the world through our children’s eyes, mind, and heart. Let’s try and look at people who annoy us and think of their troubled journey and not the disruption of yours. If possible, try and find some humor in what is happening not angst. It is not easy, but look at how the easy way is working for people who are upset all the time and carry one. Let’s be thankful their life is not yours.

Let’s try and feel good about ourselves and our children. Not excited or really happy, just simply content as to where they are in their journey. It is a process and if when they tell you what they would like and they smile, please smile too.

I am truly thankful for my wife and children. My wife makes me a better person and I lover more now than the day I married her 20 years ago. My son is doing fine in college and has shown great growth and maturity, my daughter has just decided as a senior in high school that she no longer wants to be a veterinarian and that is fine. I see her more relaxed and open to learning for the joy of learnings sake. We just finished dinner and as I looked around the dining room table at the three of them I realized how very fortunate I am and how blessed we all are.

Thank you..Peace

Why Kids are Faking Injuries

Faking injuries.

                It has come to my attention, whether it be discussing this new trend with athletic trainers, coaches, or just watching the multiple youth sports games and practices that I attend on a weekly basis, that injuries are on the rise. But what has struck me hard was the fact that some of these reported injuries were not actually real traumatic injuries that required extended time off to heal for a physical problem. What is creeping into youth and high school sports is mental injuries and exhaustion. An injury became an excuse to get out of playing for a certain team that they belonged to. Fear of what the coach might say, fear of retribution from an organization, or even the saddest excuse of all, fear of parents and the pressure they put on these kids to keep playing because of the time and money they invested in their “careers” (Their word not mine).

                This fear of parents’ reaction to the child’s play has children faking an injury so that they can get needed rest. They know if they don’t play they can’t get yelled on the field or in the car on the way home. Youth sports are no longer fun for them and they know there is no DI scholarship out there for them. Even more so, they know that it is not fun to play their sport anymore and they fear the stigma attached to them if they quit. How very sad.

                But what struck me about this was that some players were coming back into the game soon after they were injured. In one high school football game alone seven players required treatment on the field for what seemed to be cramp related issues. This caught my attention. I started to watch more carefully as players from the fall sports, primarily football and soccer went to the trainers for taping or other ailments. I started to see player not wanting to continue to practice. They did not seem interested in the games they were playing.

                So the next thing I did was start to question coaches, trainers, and players. Stunned was the first word that popped into my head. I started to hear stories of players faking injuries because they were tired. Other players faking injuries to avoid the pressure being put on them to perform. Still other players exaggerating injuries so that they could get attention from their trainers and sympathy from their friends and family.

                I even heard of a player using a so called injury to explain why he did not make a certain team. He had been telling people he was off to college to play DI only to find out he wasn’t going to play and lo and behold he developed an injury that was his excuse for not making the team. Was that really it? Or did he get to college and find out that there was no way he was going to make the team he was trying out for?

                 Another player said she heard of a girl who simply started to cry when told she was going to have to continue to play on a varsity soccer team even though she was so tired and beat up from playing soccer year round that she just wanted to quit. So we are not serving the children and their needs

             Let’s talk children’s development. Three things I know from being a dad, a coach, and a player about kids. They want to be SAFE, They want to be loved, and they want to have fun. They are not mini adults or micro professional athletes. They are not remote controlled robots or personal joy sticks for adults. The hangover at the end of their youth sports experience is fraught with obesity, type II diabetes, psychiatric care, lack of motivation to get on with their lives and a dramatic lack of coping skills. 70% quit by the age of 13. If your business lost 70% of your customers you’d change in a hurry. Youth sports should too! These kids are rebelling in the only way they know how to remain as safe as possible, still be loved and not thought of as a failure. (Remember, they can’t fail if they don’t try)

 Kids want to have FUN. THEY PLAY FOR FUN! There are many cases on many teams where youth sports travel teams have turned into a life support system for just a few players, coaches’ ego, and organizations status and profit. Many pay very expensive fees, up to $10,000 a year, and more. When did it become ok to teach to the few at the expense of the many? Only 1% of all kids that go to a 4 year college play DI intercollegiate athletics and only half of that 1% play for free. Frozenshorts, with help from many others, is out to change that paradigm, and we are.

 

 Faking injuries is just another attempt by the children to reach out for help. There are also many children getting legitimately injured, over 3.5 million last year alone who may have had overuse injuries avoided if we would have listened to them.

 

V.J.’s website is frozenshorts.com he is on twitter @VJJStanley. You can reach him at vj@frozenshorts.com or his office 585-743-1020. His new book Stop the tsunami In Youth Sports is available in paperback from his website.The ebook version is available through  a link on the front page of the website frozenshorts.com

 Please like him on facebook at frozenshorts

Taking a Knee

Taking a knee:

                I have been working with some youth football coaches over the past couple of years and this question keeps coming up When, why, and if you should take a knee at the end of the game with a lopsided score?

                My answers are always the same and always straight forward. No one gains anything by running up the score. That answers all three questions if you have an open mind. Take a knee.

                I was asked by a coach after a game if he thought I thought he was running up the score. He had stopped throwing the football and was trying to keep the score down. With a minute to go he was on the other team’s 5 yard line. He had put in his second string players and wanted to know why they shouldn’t be rewarded with a score at the end of their drive. I explained very carefully that the children would learn a much bigger life lesson if they did not score than if they did.

                Let’s analyze EXACTLY what was going to take place and the fall out in the aftermath of a decision to go for it and score. Let’s say he went ahead and called a play that resulted in a touchdown. Here is the scenario that will unfold as I see it.

                First, what was really accomplished? His team was up by 30 points and it was quite obvious that the other team could not stop them from scoring. So by scoring, the message is being sent to his team that you do not have to care for the other teams well being.

                Go ahead and score. Don’t worry about payback. Remember though, when some team does it to you, can’t complain. If you do, then you have embraced the new youth sports mantra that the rules apply to everyone but me. No real true compassion is needed. It’s a game play till the end. My needs and wants to vent frustration take the place of long term development.

                 But that begs the question of sportsmanship and fair play. Two things I believe have been devalued in youth sports and are reflected in society at large. True competition happens ONLY when the score is close, that’s when ALL sports are the most FUN! And remember, it Is always about having fun!

                Whether it be corporate decisions to overcharge consumers by putting less product in a package, but still selling it at the same price, or politicians making statements they know are not true, just trying to win, or simply the total lack of manners in a social interaction. Driving decisions, including the non use of turn signals as an example of how we are starting to value singular selfish benefits at the expense of others in our community.

                Now back to the story about the game at hand. I told the coach what a tremendous opportunity he had after the game to address his team. Wouldn’t it be much easier and much more beneficial if you talked about what it is that you did at the end of the game and how you would like to be treated?                  Instead of having to explain what you did, making excuses which your players are probably going to model in their everyday lives, after they have left the team. You will probably incur the wrath of the other team and parents.

                Simply taking a knee shows you respect the integrity of the game. It demonstrates to the kids on the team and the parents in the stands that one more score is not going to prove anything except that you are better by 36 points that day instead of thirty. Modeling that kind of behavior sends so many positive messages to children that it can never be underrated.

                 I told him you also have the chance, after the game is over, and your talk is finished with the kids, to pass along a subtle message to all the parents and fans in attendance that day. It’s just a game. We are all part of a community, and taking advantage of another person’s weakness only gives you a false sense of worth and accomplishment.

                If you do not think the refs notice this and file it away in their memory banks, you haven’t talked too many of them as I have. Watch the calls. Watch the refs’ body language. They get it.

                 I am sure you have seen coaches talk to their teams after a game your child has played. Some of these talks last twenty minutes and during these talks the children can be seen looking around and wondering how much longer they must endure this. Multiple coaches speak, thus confusing the situation, or just going over old ground presented in a different way.

                I asked the coaches if you they at work, and after their eight hour day was over, would they want the boss to come lecture them about the day? Would they want sit at their desk and be reminded if what mistakes they made that day? Oh, and now that you have been told what you did wrong that day, go home and think about it.

Take a knee

            V.J. Stanley has a website Frozenshorts.com. You can follow him on twitter @VJJStanley, or on facebook at frozenshorts. His email address is vj@frozenshorts.com He is available for speaking engagements, coaching clinics and workshops, and one on one consultations.