The Truth: It is what's best for the children's journey

1% of 1% of kids who play sports go pro. Its a race that doesn’t exist. Its like playing the lottery to win! Just heard a kid say he wanted to play for his HS over club team so he could hear the fans from his school and talk to his friends and classmates about the game in school the next day. The kids inherently want to experience life skills! Ever seen a 2nd grade teacher with a Masters degree try to get her kids to line up properly to go to gym or lunch? Now you want to tell me that there is a realistic and not adult made up elite 2nd grade travel sports? Parents: ever had an older child take something from a younger child? Ever had them share? Which do you have to teach them to do more often, to be competitive or to get along? The best learning environment is when the teacher and the student learn together, and both share that knowledge with others who have the same or less ability. It’s called community, and it is very important for later on in life coping skills. Sometimes you have to treat the symptom to relax the patient first. Then we treat the disease. We need more tolerance and inclusion, not eliteness and exclusion.

The Stanford Rape Case and the Entitlement Culture

Much has been written about this case, and deservedly so. I have what I believe to be a different perspective on the matter. What I want to know about this case is why very few people are talking about the culture that had to exist for this to happen. Let me explain.

I want to know what kind of culture exists that, when a person is intoxicated at a party, there is no support system for that person to be helped home or at least help to provide them transportation.

When did we lose that sense of community where extreme behavior by a person is not cause for concern amongst friends? Or even strangers that are in contact with this person are not alarmed and want to help?

I do not have the whole story on the two men who came to her aid but I am pretty sure one of them was not from America. That seems to me to possibly be a big part of the story. What is prevalent in his culture that he would immediately come to the aid of a person he did not know? I see article and videos every day of people in trouble while bystanders sit and watch.

Now I want to talk about the dad. I have a daughter. She is 21 years old and a senior in college. She is an A student. I would hope that when she is around people that ALL of them are looking out for one another with a deep sense of community and well being. If this happened to my daughter I would be outraged at the boy and his father.

The father’s statement reeks of entitlement. I would like to know his background. What did he provide for his son during his youth sports ruse in the swimming environment and home environment that set up this cause and effect scenario? What is the dad’s background? Do they come from wealth?

What we do at Frozen Shorts is to try and change the culture. We want people to embrace the fact that they are children and need to be taught life lessons. The need to fail, they need to sacrifice, and they need to understand that we are all in this together. I am not better than you. You may be my opponent but I respect you and trust that you will play with sportsmanship and fair competition.

His letter, his reaction, the Judge’s decision, and the ensuing reaction are playing out all across the country, and rightly so. I simply want to ask one last question.

How did you think this was all going to end up?

Entitlement, lack of community, the haves and the have nots, are combined with a lack of accountability and ‘I got a raw deal so I can give someone else a raw deal without guilt’. You have a formula for a culture that is very unhealthy for our children’s future being promulgated and played out every day.

Stop the tsunami.

Sports Talk Show Pillot Episode Testimonials

Sports talk Show Pilot Testimonials

Our Pilot episode. A different kind of sports talk show. Changing the culture. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UpiNdZAVlD8

Steven Fineron VJ and Steve, I just watched your short, and loved it!!! Coach Armstrong @ Rush Hen. had the same way of teaching and COACHING!! @ the same time. Never beat Irondequoit. the Whipple bro's killed us, but what said at the locker room meeting was... did you give it your all? Look inside, take inventory, and be satisfied with it , if not Find a new course. Thanks!! Old mem's are the best .

Like · Reply · 22 hrs

Steven Fineron Loved the show, that's sports!

Ralph Tetta Great show. I have to tell you, that in my second year of coaching U12 Recreational League soccer, I am TERRIFIED about being a bad coach. I worried first year about parents complaining that the team didn't win enough, their kid didn't play enough, etc. etc. Vj, you gave me a copy of your book, and after reading the first few chapters, I started to understand what was REALLY important. When I worked with you on standup comedy, I told you that the first rule was HAVE FUN. If it isn't fun, why do it in the first place? And yet, the expectation I put on myself was 180 degrees away from that attitude when it came to coaching sports. You changed my whole perspective. I have a 4th grader, and equal numbers of 5th, 6th and 7th graders on my team this year. I'm sure no parent expects their kid to be Abby Wambach. But they do expect me to keep it fun, let the kids play, and encourage them to continue developing skills at their pace and to whatever their ability. I look forward to further episodes of your show. I would recommend leaving time at the end and perhaps a graphic to communicate the services you offer, instead of shoe-horning it into the conversation. I really liked what you and Steve had to say based on your experience and I will continue to watch the segments you post. THANK YOU for sharing this information, and hopefully the movement will pick up steam!

Truth and Consequences

Recently I had a parent tell me after one of my talks that his son was driven to get an athletic scholarship to college. He understood that some athletes could  “afford” to play multi sports, but they were very few. The multi sport athlete path to a scholarship was only good for the truly gifted athletes. 

His son needed to play one sport year round to get the DI athletic scholarship.  The extra time and private lessons would allow him to get better faster. He also said that the other athletes on his son’s club team were playing one sport year round. They were getting “full rides.” His son was every bit as good as those other boys who were getting athletic scholarships.

He then reiterated that since recruiting had gotten to be for younger and younger kids that his 15 year old son could fall behind them if he didn’t concentrate on one sport year round. Besides, his son loved his sport. It was the only sport he wanted to play. Why would he take that dream away from his son?

As he walked away I was struck by the thought : Who was he trying to convince, me or him? You could see the angst in his tone and body language. This whole process was stressing him out.

Was it because deep down he truly did not know if this path was best for his son? Could it be that now that his son was 15 years old and there were no offers he saw that a lot of time and money had been spent on a pursuit that was slipping away? Now, he had to do everything in his power to justify to himself and his family why he embraced this race that does not exist?

Or was it simply true that he had been fed so much false information over the years that he did not know who to believe. He did not know who to turn to. He did not know who to trust.

This is why we do what we do at Frozen Shorts.

MOM

Of all the gifts we can give our Mom on Mother’s day the best gift, and by far the best gift, is time. It is the one thing that cannot be bought but has incredible value. Actually, it is priceless. It is the one thing that shows commitment, thoughtfulness, and love. Every MOM desires, wants, and needs your time because they have wrapped their heart and soul into family. The time you give to them makes them feel good. The time spent with them creates memories. Moms live for experiences that are turned into memories. It is the one gift that keeps on giving. Your MOM knows that time can never be replaced or duplicated. It is finite and slipping away by the day.

 BUT time keeps on giving as she will have memories of your time together that will far outweigh any material present. There may be reasons that I do not understand that make it difficult for you to reach out to your MOM and tell her you love her, and I am truly sorry for that. But if you can find it in your heart to reach out, it will make her day, now and forever. I know, I can’t say I love you to my MOM today and I think about it every day. Miss you MOM. Love you forever. At 60 I am still a MOMAS boy and proud of it. PEACE

The NFL Draft, Multi Sport athletes and THE OHIO State

THE NFL Draft, Multi Sport Athletes, and THE Ohio State

When the NFL draft was over many of us looked with interest as to the athletic background of the players drafted. USA football actually posted the results. In fact 28 of the 31 first round draft picks played multi sports.

 If you follow me on twitter @VJJStanley you will have read my interaction with Shelley Meyer on that social media, the wife of head coach Urban Meyer and her support for our project.  She let us know about her husband’s propensity to recruit multi sport athletes, character and quality kids.

What you may not have known, or seen was Urban putting the plan into action along with the rest of the NCAA Division 1 coaches to recruit multi sport athletes. In fact in this recruiting class alone He and his staff recruited 48 players of which 42 were multi sport athletes. Why is that important? THE Ohio State University football team set a record for players drafted in the current 7 round draft in 2004. This year Ohio State had 5 picked in the first round, 2 more in the second round, and 3 in the third. They completed their run with 2 more in the fourth round for a total of 12.

Congratulations to Urban Meyer and the other NCAA Division 1 coaches for using science to help their programs and the children. The data is now in. Multi sport athletes have a BETTER chance for a D1 scholarship and a pro career than athletes who specialize.

Congratulations to these young men, and especially their PARENTS for choosing the wise, healthy choice for their children’s future athletic pursuit.

Next week a parent’s response and our answer to him.

The Amusement Park

No one gets better sitting on the bench, no one. There is not one thing sitting on the bench does for an athlete that is not far outweighed by playing. In this ever changing world we live in teaching children fair and honest competition and sportsmanship is only learned by playing. Children learn by internal realization, not external force. Sitting on the bench and not playing scientifically speaking, affects the brain and cognitive ability to learn. Have you ever traveled all day on a plane or car? How tired are you at the end of the trip? You just sat all day. You get to your destination , say an amusement park, and you don’t get to go on any of the rides. That's how the kids feel. That is not a ripe environment to learn. As a head hockey coach in college we had a simple philosophy. If you dress you play. No, not just one minute at the end of the game either. At my company Frozen Shorts, we teach completion to coach’s parents and athletes in our talks and seminars. Survival of the fittest never meant one person. It meant a community. Inclusion not exclusion is the new way to build championship teams. I am a very competitive person but I would bench my mom in the last five minutes of a championship game even if she was my best player. And it wouldn’t faze me. I would make sure I put her back in, along with every other athlete thou. Failing is not failure. It’s not my job to decide when how or even if the light goes on. My goal is to just keep flipping the switch.

 Work at it every day at our Co. there should never be U10 kids sitting. You have to build the base. No one gets better sitting on the bench. For 99% of the kids HS is it. Body doesn’t develop fully until 22, 23, and 24. Most teams have 2 good kids and two not so well. Everyone else is interchangeable, but they don’t all get to play. You always run faster when someone is chasing you

What happens after the bright lights are turned off?

I am certainly happy for the kids on the four teams that have made it to the final four. These kids are living a mostly once in a lifetime dream.   Some parents too. The odds of getting here are very slim.

 Most kids these days play one sport year round. The players on these teams must be in tremendous shape to be able to play at this high level for this long. It is even more amazing because most coaches only play 6, 7, or 8 kids in a close game. Some don’t play more than that even when they are winning or losing big.

These kids’ bodies and minds take a tremendous year round pounding. Their game and travel schedules are imposing to say the least. You combine this with their academics, and you have what amounts to a full time job.

What these kids have had to endure throughout their season and career to get to this point is amazing. The constant travel schedules, the showcases, the many leagues all take their toll on athletes and families.

 The risk of overuse injuries are percentage wise, not in their favor. Yet, they compete. They compete hard for long periods of time for their team, their future, and adult’s glory.  These kids disregard their personal well being in hopes of winning a scholarship and maybe a championship.

The future consequences they face when this is over are massive. For a very few a lucrative NBA payday lies ahead. BUT, even for these few, long term financial security is microscopic at best.

What happens after the lights are turned off? How many of these kids graduate? How many get a meaningful degree? How many have learned coping skills and life lessons they can apply to future endeavors?

 I am not saying that the colleges, the coaches, or even AAU is responsible here. They are businesses doing their thing. They would not have a market if the parents did not want their product, and want it badly. Many products are sold every day all over the worlds that don’t have the consumers’ best interest at heart.

Who picks up the pieces when hearts, bodies, and minds have been broken?

Maybe you should do something else besides coaching kids if:

Maybe you should do something else beside coaching kids if:

You fall into any of these scenarios as a youth and high school coach. Over the last six months I have been to practices and games and have seen more and more of coaches” playing” while their players watch. Time after time I see coaches being the center of attention “demonstrating” when in actuality they are showing off while kids, stand, sit and watch them perform.

Coaches are continually shouting instructions for an entire contest. Over coaching your team when the game is already won instead of concentrating on putting in more children to play have become the norm and not the exception

When did it become acceptable for coaches to lecture their teams for 10 minutes instead of letting them play?

Why are coaches giving 20 minute lectures after games are over?

You are coaching kids in hockey and you take slapshots at the goalie thinking it will be good for them.

You take the puck and skate around kids and score.

You join in the scrimmage and dominate play

You take the basketball and dribble against children and “body’ them as you go to the basket

You block their shots thinking it will be good for them

You take shots at the lax goalie and score. You whip balls at the goalie and try to score in warm-ups

 You take your stick and make moves on the kids and take pleasure in beating them

You shoot at the soccer goalie and try to beat him

You dribble through kids and shoot to score

You and another coach take sideline toe tapping catches before a game of football

You throw to the receivers while kids watch

You catch balls from another coach during practice while kids stand and watch

The adulting and professionalization of youth and high school sports has gotten out of control. Although most have good intentions they are bombarded with professional TV”coaching styles.”

Children, and they are children, are quitting in droves. Parents are becoming more disillusioned and frustrated as they spend thousands of dollars to watch their child “play” in a high stakes game of youth sports.

There are a tremendous amount of excellent coaches out there. They play lots of kids and don’t look for any glory except the faces and memories of the kids they coach. They are humble and don’t yell at kid or referees knowing full well that the journey, and mistakes are part of the journey, are what makes the lasting memories.

Equality or Me-Too_Ism

In Psychology, women, for the most part are smarter than men. We judge intelligence by the firing of the synapse between the corpus callosums. In this measure, women’s synapse fire faster therefore they are of higher intelligence. A fact my wonderful wife is keenly aware of. I have said to my wife on many occasions, if we are going to be equal you will have to dummy down, and I don’t think you want that.

There is a new mantra in society that I see growing with increased velocity. It is called “me-too-ism.” Yes I know this is not a word, I just made it up. This word has taken the place of equality for many people whether they realize it or not. People who feel oppressed and see little hope for the future want to vent their frustrations. They look to latch on to someone or something they feel makes them feel superior. Not better, superior.

The justification for wanting something someone else has, or is perceived to have is rampant. It is not jealousy as we have known it in the past. This new brand has a degree of I am better than you along with the dreaded I am not satisfied with what I have mentality. I need more that I have whether it is material or psychological.

As for the athletes and spousal abuse, in as much as teams value players GAME IQ it wouldn’t matter unless they are a great athlete. They have been coddled and told what a great athlete they are for years. When doubt rears its ugly head it is their athleticism 9 out of 10 times that get s them out of trouble or to glory. They are getting paid first and foremost because they are an exceptional athlete.

Just because a woman is smaller is no reason to take advantage of that with your size, strength, or status. It should be protected and nurtured. We are all on the same team.

 We need to get along and help each other. It does not mean we can’t be friendly rivals or compete hard against each other. Heck, I am more inclined to try harder to beat my friend in a sports contest that someone I don’t know. They are just another game on the schedule. But rivalries, well, now you have my attention.

I have said on many occasions; you will never be happy with what you want until you are satisfied with what you have. That life lesson maybe one of the two or three most important behaviors we model for our children’s future.

School Teachers as Coaches

School Teachers as coaches

I have been married to a teacher for the last 25 years. I witness firsthand the tremendous pressure they work under on a day to day basis. The ridiculous “Common Core” that assumes the mantra that teachers should be robots controlled by the State dictated pre programmed written curriculum. Students should be tested continually for what they learn to determine both the teachers and students aptitude. NO!

I have spent parts of the last decade in the classroom and 21 years as a head college coach and I am here to tell you that teachers do not have it easy by any stretch. They want to teach. They are creative. They want to help the less educated see “the light.” Many many teachers are frustrated by the environment in which administrators and parents think that they should control the way teachers teach. But I digress.

Many teachers who coach youth and high school sports change dramatically when they get to coach. I am not sure whether it is because of the frustration of their jobs. Could it be they watch all these DI and pro games and simply mimic the coaches’ behavior and strategies? Might it be partly because of the pay for play mentality that parents have put so much extrinsic financial pressure on their child’s athletic journey that they want a return on their investment?

Teacher after teacher I see mismanage kids who play sports for them to such an extent that if they ever tried that in their classrooms they would be fired. The very thing that works for them in the classroom is dismissed by them as soon as they start to coach.

Teachers spend more time in class with the students who need help, not the gifted ones. They don’t yell at the students who are talking tests. Do they yell at the parents who come and question what they are doing in the classroom?

I would like to see teachers band together and reinstitute the higher moral ground in coaching that exemplifies what they do in the classroom. Then, I would like the administrators back them up and tell the parents to stop all the nonsense that has contributed to the escalation of negative stress in youth and high school sports.

I am not saying it doesn’t happen with other adults in other professions when they get the “whistle.” It does. But I am wondering why the teachers, who know a different way, a better way for the children to develop and learn, choose to ignore their training and success in the classroom.

It all starts with EPUT. Equal play under 10.That stops the angst to a very high degree. There are some fantastic opportunities to coach life skills, accountability, fun and trust with equal play that many try to dismiss. There is no data to back that up. Play for fun!

The brain and body in balance

 Brain and body

When you go to kindergarten do you take one course all day every day? When you are in middle school do you take one course all day every day? When you are in high school do you take one course all day every day? When you are in undergraduate in college do you take one course every day all day? Only in grad school do you start to specialize. The brain and the body need to be connected in balance. End of lesson.

John Calipari and Knowing how to win

After the loss to Kansas, Coach John Calipari told the press: "We had our chances in regulation," Calipari said. "What I told them after is, I've got to do a better job of teaching these kids how to win. They do not know how to win a game." . Of course they don’t.. Do you know why? Because no one knows how to win, nobody. Nobody knows how to teach winning. On some occasions winning a game sends a confusing message when you have not played well.

 His kids have to concentrate on what they are doing every second they are out on the court. They cannot concentrate on the task at hand and still say to themselves “If I do this the team will win, that’s what coach taught us.”

I understand what John meant, but I take great exception to the message sent to youth and high school coaches everywhere by this statement. It’s like when people said Derek Jeter knew how to win.

Let me explain. For those of you who have been to one of my presentations or read some of my blogs, you know John Calipari is front and center in a portion of our talks.

Three years ago Kentucky won a national championship. 2 years ago they did not even make the tournament. Am I to believe that over the summer, after they won the championship, he forgot how to win? Did he forget how to teach how to win? Last year, he got his team all the way to the final four. In the semi-final game his team lost. Once again, at that horrible place and time did he forget how to win?

This year his team has struggled to some extent. He still has awesome talent on the roster but they just aren’t jelling as he would like. He has commented about their lack of consistency and development.

 I want to say at this point during last season he basically went with a platoon system. If one group wasn’t doing well, the next group came in and played. Play by performance by group. It worked. The interterm competition between the players for EARNED playing time lifted the whole team up. Every one runs faster when they are being chased.

I am not saying that he could have duplicated it this year with this roster. BUT>>>>

How’s your way working so far????

The Panthers and the Zen

Panthers and the Zen

I have been reading with interest as much as I can about the Panthers over the last two weeks. I have read interviews from Coach Ron Rivera, and the general manager Dave Gettlemean. Both men, being humble and thankful were keenly aware of their journey and good fortune. They both attribute part of their rise to the Super Bowl to LUCK. That’s right; they both said they got lucky.

Dave credited his predecessor with providing useful parts for the team’s success, both on and off the field.  One of the things he stressed was how fortunate he was to be in this position. Ron talked about the journey. He had been passed over for head coaching jobs on 7 occasions. He talked about his aha moment when he felt the team turned the corner towards success. He gave his players freedom.

Now last night’s game was not pretty by any stretch of the imagination. A couple of things caught my eye. First the Panther players were not so inclined to give up a ball to a fan when a great play was made. I understand that. It was the Super Bowl. They seemed to have lost some of their strut. The last fumble when Newton seemed to make what one announcer called “a business decision” to not go after the fumble was quite revealing to me.

Peyton Manning on the other hand was humble. The 15 yard down and out pass was no longer thrown with force and zip. It was obvious that this was not his team. He handled it with class. The constant yelling at the line of scrimmage before each play was for the most part gone. He had been told not to do it and he listened.

The speech he made the night before was forgotten after the first snap of the ball yesterday. Players like to talk about that after the fact, but in reality, the cant think of it while they are playing. It was recounted and remembered after the game, only because they won. He did manage to get in a plug for Budweiser twice. But, mostly he was thankful, appreciative and humble.

I have never been a fan of SWAG. Too many things have to happen out of your control to go around showing off or strutting.  It does work for some people, but not nearly as many as people seem to think it does, and certainly there are repercussions and accountability factors in play. If you want to celebrate, show off, and prance, so be it. It’s not my cup of tea. BUT, when games like this happen, and days like yesterday happen, I sit back, smile and am amused.

No one talked about the Zen yesterday after the game.

One of my favorite expressions is…..

Peace of mind is victory

The 5 kids sitting at the end of the bench

I broadcast another high school varsity game on the radio. I got there early because I wanted to see the JV game. One team played lots of kids. They subbed in early in the first quarter.   At the 3 minute mark this coach subbed in 3 kids. By half time all the kids had played. The kids on the bench were engaged in the game and cheering on their team mates when they weren’t playing. They had fun.

The other coach did not sub until late in the first quarter. He only subbed in one kid. He was up yelling instructions for most of the game. They had brought a chair from their school, with their school colors, that was taller than the ones provided by the host school, and the yelling coach used it for timeouts. It was awkward to say the least.

If you have been following my program and blogs you know how I feel about constant instructions being yelled at the kids while they are playing. It does not work.  It is called bottle necking in Psychology. The kids have a hard time retaining the instructions because they are overwhelmed with data and can only process a little at a time in their brains while they are playing. (Parents this goes for you too!)Plus, you are telling the other coach what your team is doing wrong.

My broadcast location was on the floor in the middle of the gym directly across from the two teams. What I want to stress to you today is the last 5 kids on the losing team bench for both the JV and Varsity game. They were totally disinterested. Even if the coach needed them to play meaningful minutes they were not prepared to do so. What if a player got hurt? How about an academic problem? Why not play these kids?

 These kids needed to know math to play for their team. They had to divide the score, by the time left in the game, calculate this with the coaches’ ego in managing a game to win to see if they might get a chance to play.

 Next they had to then either root for their team to play poorly if they were losing, or want them to run up the score if they are winning. Neither trait is going to help these children later in life.

It was remarkable to me to see their negative body language in warm ups and sitting on the bench during the game. They knew they weren’t going to play. What was stunning to me was that neither the JV or Varsity coach on the LOSING team noticed these kids except when he yelled at them for something that was going on in the game while they were sitting. Relationships, the key component to successful coaching was missing.

One last note to give you a concrete example as to the cause and effect of this kind of coaching. One of the kids who did not play got into an argument with his mom after the varsity game was over. It was loud and he was very agitated. Whatever the problem, was, it was surely exasperated by the athlete not playing.

What is the cost of the new 15 seconds of fame?

Consequences: Cause and effect

Scenarios are playing out across the country with kids and families devoting themselves to get those 15 seconds of fame. They don’t think that is what it is going to be, but for most kids, and that is 99% of them the dreams of the DI scholarship and pro career come down to this.

What if an athlete gets to play 15 seconds in one game at one hallowed stadium, arena, or court? What if those 15 seconds is all he gets? What if he only got those 15 seconds because the assistant coach told the head coach to play the kid so it would help him get another walk on to commit? The assistant explains to the coach that maybe they can find that late bloomer if they keep doing this and get their own “BIG” before he becomes a “BIG.”

Let’s take this concept and extrapolate it across the country to all sports. There could easily be 100,000 kids and families going through this scenario each year. They have invested all the time, money, and mental stress to get their child to this one point in his continuum. This child then uses social media to tell all his friends and kids he played with that he made it to the Promised Land. He has to be careful though, not to upset the other scholarship players on the team or the coach with his story as to jeopardize his spot on the team.

What if other kids he played with did not make it this far? What if they are playing, maybe even starting, on a lower level college team and resent this event? What if they meet back at the old high school and have to face each other?

Back in my day we would be thrilled for the kid. We would take joy in his success. We would not use it for our own status and benefit. We would still play pickup games and have fun and genuinely share in the good fortune?

But what about the parents connected to this player? What do the parents of the kid who didn’t make it that far say to their own child? How does the snubbed child rationalize and justify being bitter? How does it affect his future playing, coaching, work, and relationship skills? He too spent his whole life trying to get to the DI Promised Land. He may even have had more accolades that the player who made it.

Who does the coach favor when they both come back to one of his practices?

How does the coach handle it? Does he brag to all he knows that one of his kids “made it” and played at a hallowed venue? Does he use this with players coming into or up to his program as an “attainable carrot?”

What are the long term ramifications of this kind of journey for our children, parents, and coaches?

Championships made lives influenced

The true sign of a great coach is how many players you develop and get significantly better under your tutelage than championships won. You influence a lot more players lives every day in practice and off field demeanor and modeling behavior for future life skills than you do winning championships. By the way, the two things are directly related.

Championships: It's all about the journey

Winning is something you have little control over as a coach unless you play weak opponents or stack the deck.  I watch coaches and organizations schedule weak opponents or avoid tough ones when they schedule. Managing games over developing kids undermines the team concept.Play lots of kids in all situations. I just met with a young boy last night. His coach wont play him much. I asked if he wanted to play . His eyes lit up. YES he said!   He is 14. No one knows how good he is going to be if he doesn't get to play meaningful minutes in games. No one gets better sitting on the bench. Why practice hard if you know you wont get to play in a game.You only get better playing in tough situations. That leads to more championships than any other coaching way

How did you think this was going to turn out?

I say this over and over in my talks, seminars, and workshops. There is a culture in sports that is headed in the wrong direction for the kids, parents, and organizations participating Over and over we see abhorrent behavior being defended by one person or another.  They say they didn’t mean it. They say we saw it wrong. It was in the heat of the moment

Rarely if ever do I hear anyone say, that is a really bad example to set for the children. Rarely if ever, does the offender own up to the behavior. WHY? That behavior, like most catastrophic injuries has a history of events and misbehavior before them leading up to the incident.

The coach, parent, and organization have looked the other way because the athlete is one of the most talented players, if not the most talented player on the team. Everyone has made excuses for the player or defended the players’ actions in the name of winning. Others want to cling to that person and say they know him. With the younger athletes they love to say he was over to our house. I’ve talked to him a lot.

The bottom line is that we now have a culture where excuses are made for behavior, instead of corrective action in many cases, not all. The long term consequences of this behavior, and there certainly are consequences may not show up for years.

Modeling this kind of behavior and having the people around the behavior acquiesce to it ends the wrong message to the youth of our country. The children see it and emulate the behavior at home, in school, and on the playing field. Adults’ fans and friends are surprised by either the action or the reaction.

Specializations, entitlement, pay for play, recruiting 12 year olds. Win at all costs, and cheating all has a very high price to pay in one form shape or another either right now or in the future.

  I’m surprised that most people are surprised. How did they think this was going to turn out?