Bullying 2.0

Bullying 2.0

In the wake of the problems of bullying in the Miami Dolphins organization, I wanted to take a different approach to the topic, as usual. There is so much more to the story down there in Miami that I can’t begin to have an informed opinion about their complex situation until I get all the facts--And I may never get all the facts.  It is professional sports and the more I research this industry, the more I am stunned at what truly goes on behind the scenes and how much of a long term effect playing a professional sport has on an individual both positively and negatively.

 I can say for sure that bullying is wrong.

Today’s essay is going to address what I believe to be the environment that makes bullying, hazing, or entitlement, a problem that is unlikely to be lessened without a  concentrated effort to change how we see, interact, work, and play with each other.

 In my opinion there is an atmosphere existing in youth and high school sports, and society in general, that fosters an environment that makes this behavior of bullying, hazing, and me now, more likely to continue than subside.

When I was growing up bullying was present. I witnessed bullying in many shapes and forms. My older brother was a bully; the captain of one of teams I played on in High School was a bully. A kid that lived on our street was a bully.  In most cases and by that I mean 90%, we took care of the bullying on our own. We had older friends who saw it and corrected it. They taught us younger kids the proper way to behave to others. And if for some reason we didn’t get the message, our dad’s were there to set us straight or our mom made us feel guilty by explaining what was wrong with what was being done.

 Now I’m not here to preach the good old days to all that read my words. This essay is here to expose a side of life that most of us see, but don’t see the cause and effect. Our lives go so fast and there is so much stress involved that it is not uncommon for people to lament that they just want to get through the day. They just don’t have time to get involved, or they fear repercussions, or even physical harm.

What has happened? Let’s start from the top down. Entitlement. Yes, this is not the word bullying in the form you are used to seeing, but it is just as insidious. From the corporation, to the politician, to the professional athlete, to our schools, and children, an atmosphere of bullying has been created by allowing people, organizations, and ideas, to promulgate the effect of allowing people to be mean to others without remorse or consequences.

Something bad happened to me, so it is okay for me to do something bad to someone else, totally unrelated to what happened to me. I get my pound of flesh. This form of bullying can be seen while driving down the road.  (When I am in a situation in traffic that gets me upset, I say “have a nice day” to the other driver quietly to myself in the car. It takes away the angst.) It can be heard at just about every youth and high school sporting event. Stories appear regularly about bullying in schools.

 It is now a news flash when someone does something for another person with empathy and no expectation of reward.

Why? Stress, in the form of monetary concerns is a key factor. The lack of community in our neighborhoods and schools leads to an atmosphere ripe for angst, immediacy, and jealousy.

Simply put, manners, in the simplest form of “please” and “thank you” have lost their meaning, value, and importance in our world. The idea that your life will be better and you will feel better, by helping someone who is less fortunate, instead of climbing over them to the win at all cost, and is anew mantra and mentality that is thriving in our world.

Specialization. We all know the mantra of “more is better.”Specialize at your job, specialize at your sport, specialize in academics, and my favorite one who you hang out with. Well that specialization comes at a cost. It now has come to be a status symbol instead of a short term solution to a problem.

 This form of bullying allows coaches to run up scores. It sanctions not playing kids on a team because of “safety” issues, or because they just aren’t good enough. It allows coaches to coach NOT to lose all the while saying they are coaching to win.

 Inside of teams it allows segregation of “starters” and “role” players to be established early on in a young person’s life as an example on how to treat people and be treated.

 But mostly, by putting a tangible monetary value on a child’s ability, it fosters an environment that ensures most children, families, and organizations will be teaching, mentoring, and modeling the very behavior that sets a base for bullying to appear. My child is more valuable than yours. My organization is better than yours. That’s just bullying in a new form and kids need to learn positive life lessons, not negative reinforcement.

That’s Bullying 2.0