I recently received a call from a
coach who wanted to know how to deal with a parent. This parent was inquiring
as to their son’s participation in an individualized and specialized coaching
scenario after the season was over.
Let me explain my opinion on this phenomenon
of specialized coaching, and for that matter, participation in said coaching.
An athlete can improve at his or her sport by not playing it. Yes, that seems
outrageous, but it is true. Absence does make the heart grow fonder. Also, rest
is a KEY component to a child’s health and long term athletic development. It is
certainly a no more outrageous program than believing a parent pays a
specialized coach to improve their child enough to get a D1 scholarship. While
they may be able to get a small edge, is it worth the time, money, and stress
added to the parent’s and athlete’s life? In my opinion, the straight forward
answer is no. Unless of course it’s really just a status and ego thing, but I
digress.
If you send your child to a
specialist you expect special results. When you take your child to a
pediatrician and they recommend that you see a specialist in the area of your
child’s discomfort, they are saying your child has a problem that requires specific,
special treatment to get better. After seeing this specialist you expect
special results that could not be attained by going to your regular physician.
You feel a little tense that something is wrong with your child but you
anticipate that going to the specialist will fix things. There is a latent, or
in some cases blatant, need for immediate and substantial results.
The same
applies to youth sports.
Here is the kicker: when you send
your child to a specialist in youth sports, first of all, the coach may not be
so special. They may have a coaching certificate and may have experience in a
certain sport at a level that gives them some status and the experience that
you seek, but they may not be able to teach to the specific needs, if there are
any, of your child. They may have been told by many people how great they are
and started to believe it. They may also have such status that other parents
and children brag about the advantages of going to them without legitimate
results to back up their claims. They may just want to name drop and gain
status. None of these scenarios are good for the athlete, and isn’t that what
the goal is? If it’s not, it certainly should be.
Sports are an art, plain and simple.
Teaching those children how to play a sport or get better at a sport is also an
art. It is not based solely on the pedigree of the teacher or the student. Your
child may need rest just as much as training. They may need balance in their
muscles. They may just need a break from what they are doing. They may not need
a specialist at all, but a general anesthesia from the sport they are playing.
That last sentence sure felt good to write, let
me tell you. You want to have your child feel good too.
So here’s what happens. A parent
sends a child to a specialist and expects special results. The problem with this
theory in youth sports is that there is nothing wrong with the child’s athletic
performance to begin with so the visits are unnecessary. He or she just needs
to have fun. They do not need the pressure associated with going to a specialist,
pressure that originates from the knowledge that other kids went to this
specialist and played better. How will they handle it if/when they do not
perform at the next highest level of play?
Money was spent, time was spent, status was
displayed, and there is now pressure to justify the expenditure. They could get
better results, in my opinion, by playing another sport, going to the library
and reading, or just resting and doing yoga, than they would from going to a
specialist.
So I told these things to the coach,
and said that he should tell the parent the facts and what it is he has learned
as coach. If the parent still wants to send their child to a specialist, then
it is their decision.
Now let me explain that this coach
gets it. He just finished his season and the parents sent him a letter stating
that the kids had more fun playing for him than they had playing for anyone
else, in any other sport. This varsity level high school coach has been in
constant contact with me about the book I am writing on youth sports and has
implemented many of the recommendations I have given him. In the consulting
service I provide, I have conferred with and advised many players, coaches, and
families about what they are doing in youth sports, and how they are doing it.
The message is always the same. What is in the best interest of the athlete’s
long term health, both physically and mentally? If you stay on that path, and
keep the adult’s needs out of the equation, you will find the answer to the
question.
However, let me state that he had the ability
and the answer to that question before hand as he had children who played youth
sports growing up, and he questioned the results of their journey through youth
sports. He wanted to get better, not for his own peace of mind, but for the
long term best interests of the kids he was coaching. He was learning right
along with the children, and that is the best coaching scenario.
In the end I told him he should tell the parent that he was
very satisfied with their child’s level of play and participation on his team,
which was true. I told him he should also tell the parent that the child would
be better off playing another sport for fun, and to not go to the specialist.
His goal for his team was to have fun, and the more fun they had the more they
would improve. He is learning, as am I, and hopefully it transfers to his team,
his work, and his life, so he can pay it forward to those around him. Because what
we are doing is truly correct, it must be applicable to all walks and areas of
a person’s life.
True change has to come from within and be intrinsic in nature.
Children learn from internal realization, not extrinsic force.
I can tell my son to
pick up his room if he wants to use the car and go out with his friends or
girlfriend. He will reluctantly do it. However, if I can teach him the benefits
for doing it without me asking, he will be better off and have learned a life
lesson. He will have less frustration, more free time, be able to find things
easier, all while getting his father off his back.
The same holds true
with that parent. I wanted my friend to educate that parent, and explain the
paradigm so that the parent could come to their own conclusion for the long
term best interests of the child. Isn’t that truly what parents want for their children?
If you like
what you read here, and would like to find out how you can integrate the Frozen
Shorts way into your youth or high school sports experience, go to our website
at www.frozenshorts.com/book-vj
to find out how. You can book V.J. to speak to your group, do one on one
consultations, or coach mentoring, at vj@frozenshorts.com
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