AVOIDABLE INJURIES

This is a story about an injury to a pretty good lacrosse player. This young man is a multiple sport athlete and looks to be going to play lacrosse in college, and maybe getting some athletic financial aid for playing at the division I level. He now has had an injury that keeps him out of competition in both sports that he plays.

                 Let’s look at the extenuating circumstances during this journey that led to this injury, and many other injuries like it.  A similar event could be happening over and over again in many sports or activities at many levels in our children’s lives.

                With all the money spent on this boy’s athletic journey, how much more financial aid could he have gotten academically? How much will that shape his future after college? How much of the money his family spent on his athletic pursuit could be thought of as an investment in his future that needs a tangible reward? You see, putting that much more emphasis on athletics versus academics does have a long term consequence. The lack of balance can and most times can be quite costly, both physically and mentally in the future. You see, being built up by coaches, friends, and family does have a long lasting effect on the aspiring D I athlete when it doesn’t work out, and it doesn’t most of the time. Only 1% of all students who attend a four year college play DI athletics, and even less play for free. What happens when the athlete has to cope with reality after the playing days are over?

                When the athlete does not get the financial reward he or she thinks they have earned, rightfully or not, this disconnect does have long term ramifications. In some cases, athletes leave college without getting their degree. They come home, and all the attention and adulation is gone. They sometimes don’t even go to college.

                When they go back to their home town they are just another athlete who didn’t make it. They feel resentment. “Hey, I was told I was great. I got treated like a king when I was playing at the elite level.” But all those people are gone. Those people are only a stark reminder of what was just an illusion of greatness, or just a short term rise to the top. They are looking for the next great player. The possibility of another player who has little or no balance in their life to help them cope with the harsh reality that is the real world coming through the pipeline  does not faze them. Why should it? They are swept up into the tsunami just like the athlete.

                These athletes keep going to these “elite” teams and playing at “elite” showcases all the while foregoing the most important part of their development: Balance. The athletes need to learn about relationships, getting along with people, not being above them. Academics need to be stressed, and how their importance helps shape an athlete’s life after their playing days are over, need to be at the forefront of development, not an afterthought. These are the life skills in youth sports that are the most important to develop. It’s not the three point shot, the slap shot, or the big tennis serve. Players are trained to think specialization makes them special, it does not. We are seeing more and more of this disconnect as this generation finishes their playing careers with disillusionment, injuries, and mental angst.

                 An athlete’s family thinks he is entitled to a large financial return for his “elite” status and they feed the beast, which is “more is better” through specialization. They may push the athlete to “go for the gold” all the while dreaming of their own status and financial security from the athlete’s supposed future mega contract. The college scholarship arrives, and fuels the belief that fame is possible, and maybe probable. But do most of us really know if he is or isn’t getting the full dollar amount his friends and families are bragging about? Do we know the exact dollar amount?  The average scholarship is about $8,700 a year. Why is it so hard to find out the truth about the dollar amount of these scholarships?

                 Isn’t it interesting that most of the time the people bragging about the scholarship athlete are trying to be connected to that athlete for status and ego? I heard of one family making a big financial donation to a college just so that they could say their son was going to the DI school on an athletic scholarship. Parents and athletes bragging about using a recruiting service are ending up at DIII colleges that have no athletic scholarships. Most are going tom colleges within a three to four hour drive from their hometown.

                Why do some parents exaggerate their claims of scholarship for their child without realizing that it can make other children jealous or try to emulate the player? They think they are as talented as the player getting the “scholarship.” If he or she feels they are as good as the player getting the scholarship, they will try and play harder; not knowing that the player they look up to is not really getting the money to play in college that everyone is told they are getting.

                 In most cases the player is not that good, and tries to play above their comfort level or ability. An unrealistic vision appears of what a DI athlete is fantasizes in their minds and it shapes how they think, feel, and act. Players start doing reckless, self centered plays, regardless of the consequences to their teammates and opponents. A lot of times the player who delivers the cheap shot is not the one who gets the payback. Another injury happens and no one relates it to anything other than the play in which it happens. Well, now you know different. Back to the story.

                 What make this youth sports injury so intriguing to me are the circumstances before the injury that may have lead to the injury. But let’s get what we know to be the facts out first before I look at the cause and effect paradigm.

                During a faceoff at mid-field this young man won the ball and headed down the field towards the opposing goal. While approaching the defenders’ goal, he was checked by an opposing player, face to face. This player was given a one minute penalty for cross checking and the young man who was hit got hurt. He suffered a concussion.

                I have seen numerous replays of the hit, and although it was a crosscheck, it did not seem to be of the vicious nature, but I wasn’t there to see it in person in front of 2,000 people. And I wasn’t trying to win a championship. What I want to discuss in this week’s blog is the many different circumstances going on before the hit, way before, and the ensuing reaction to the hit.

                As you may or may not know, I suffered eight concussions during my athletic career, and I am very sensitive to this issue. The first thing I want to discuss is the injured boy’s background. Being a multiple sport athlete, this young man, who by all accounts is a very good person, plays a lot of sports, and plays them at a pretty high level for the area he is from. I do not have the exact data on how often he plays or even if he plays two sports at once. I do not know if he attends showcases or not.

                What I do know is that while playing hockey he received a concussion, and that his future is certainly going to be watched much more carefully for health reasons than it would have been before  we gained the important knowledge we have today on concussions.

                 What I know is that he was considered or is considered a star athlete at his high school. But understand this could be any boy, in any sport. That is what I am trying to teach. It is applicable to the entire youth sport’s paradigm.

                Let’s say that this boy was continually being told that he was a star. He got more playing time and was doing great things on the playing field and rink. Maybe he got to believe he was very good and started taking chances, relying on his athletic ability to get him in and out of situations that other players could not. Maybe the more playing time he got made him more susceptible to injuries because instead of using his teammates more, which is what college coaches want, he tried more individual tactics putting himself in harm’s way more often. By having the player more tired than he actually thought he was, his reaction time was just a bit off, and the next hit he got was one that, if not so tired, he could have gotten out of the way or at least deflected it.

                What if he had the very best equipment? What if that equipment helped feed the belief that he was invincible, once again upping the possibility of injury? What if he felt having the very best equipment on his body, feet, and head made him believe he was the very best; capable of doing the best things out on the field or rink, and that he pushed himself outside his abilities and paid a price with an avoidable injury?

                The coaches run out on the field attending to their star player, bend over him like a wounded warrior in battle without realizing their culpability in the injury. The one coach yells at the other coach for his player’s cheap hit not understanding that by playing that player so much and relying on him so much other players on the team felt subconsciously that they had to do less. They watched while the star player did his “thing.”

                 The opposing coach, not realizing what his player was going to do, because he had not benched him for similar plays in the past, allowed his players a feeling of recklessness. They did not respect their opponent. This star player wasn’t so hot. Why was he getting all the adulation?  ”I’m as good as he is.” Then whamo , the hit is made, and the excuses start, but it is too late. A needless injury has occurred and many of the people who were responsible for it will never know their role in the  avoidable tragedy and its long term consequences.

                You see most catastrophic injuries have their root way before the actual injury takes place. Even the so called “freak” accident or injury, when analyzed in its entire journey or time line leading up to the injury, could have very possibly been avoided. Sometimes, a player receives an “off season” injury and does not put two and two together to see the entire time line and journey that led to the ultimate catastrophic injury.

                I really truly hope this blog helps save children from an avoidable. injury

               

Recruting/Candy

                 This is a story about recruiting athletes to play college sports. We are going to talk about a girl who is going to college to play softball at a DIII college. But please understand this story could apply to any  athlete going to any DIII college. Only about 3% of all students attending a four year college play intercollegiate sports at the Division III level, and about 1% play at the Division I level.

                This young lady or her family employed the service of a company to help her find a college to play softball. Now I am not judging these services, but I am asking these questions. If you are paying someone to pay attention to you, and of course other athletes at the same time, and you end up going to a college just a couple hundred miles away that you could have assuredly found on your own, what are you paying for? The attention? Did you want to tell people you were using a recruiting service for status purposes?  Did using the recruiting service give you an unrealistic view of your talent and therefore cause you angst when the D I scholarship never materialized? Couldn’t you have saved all that money and gone on a family vacation or put the money in a 529 college savings account to lessen your total room and board expense during and after college? A DIII college coach works with Admissions and the Financial Aid department all the time. Who better to help you get all the scholarship money than someone inside the college who wants you to go there? Remember a DIII college coach cannot get you anymore financial aid for academics than an equivalent non athletic student. They cannot get you any more financial aid based on your parents’ ability to pay than a non athletic student. That’s an NCAA rule.

                                She ended up going to a college 2 ½ hours away from her home.

                A friend of mine’s son played on a National Championship “elite” pay for play U16 travel soccer team and every one of the players went to a DIII college within three hours travel distance from their home. Colleges can and do recruit from all over the world. DIII colleges are not allowed to give athletic scholarships. Let’s analyze the whole recruiting and going to college to play athletics, process.

                A college coach spends approximately 80% of their time recruiting. Most college coaches recruit every day. Are we to believe that a college coach would not be aware of an athlete just a couple hundred miles away from their school? Are we to believe that a coach from that college would not have found out, or already  known about the  girls  softball  ability in what amounts to be the college’s own back yard.

                A quick check of this college’s softball  team roster showed that most girls who went to that college were within a couple hundred miles of the college, and at least one other girl was from the same “Section” as this girl who was attending that particular college and playing on the team. ALL of the girls were from the same state, well within the coaches’ recruiting area and she could easily schedule recruiting visits. It’s safe to say the coach knows the area well. It is also safe to say  she wants to keep her job. What other job could she get, or any college coach get, outside college athletics that would include all the perks of this job? Think of their job description. They get to live and work in a college atmosphere. Most people say that college was the best four years of their lives, or in my case, seven. They get paid to coach a sport they love. People cheer for them and tell them when they do a good job. If they choose, they can get paid to work out and stay in shape. They get to travel for free, all expenses paid. When they do a great job, they receive an award, and when their team does a great job, they win a trophy and receive national recognition. Also, my favorite part of coaching in college is that you get paid to be around, and hopefully help, develop young people’s bodies and minds for their future, long after they have graduated. And you get to have fun and laugh just about every day. I did it for twenty one years.

                 It’s true, while you are in school every day coaches are working to recruit athletes for their next season, and even beyond. When you commit to that school remember that the coach is recruiting someone, often several someones, to come in and compete for sports on the team EVERY year. Inter team competition, that’s how they get better. Next time you talk to a college coach ask them how many athletes they watched play this year. Ask them how many athletes they recruited and brought in to play on the team the last four years. Ask them how many of the athletes on the team have graduated with degrees in the last four years. Ask them what the team’s Grade Point Average is (GPA). Finally, ask them how important it is to them that their payers have a lot of fun playing their sport. How important is it to you?

                Now this girl joined a pay for play travel team to enhance her visibility and to give her greater options. Maybe, maybe not. Are you trying to tell me that just because you have money to play a sport on an “elite” travel team it makes you one of the best at playing that sport for your age group in your area? Does it say just because an athlete is poor and can’t afford to pay for play that you can’t develop your abilities and  become really good at your sport or even great? I think not.

                 Are we to believe that if she got a bunch of girls together and contacted her high school’s athletic director that she couldn’t have scheduled many pickup games? Or possibly found some bases, gone to a park, set up a field and just played for a couple of hours? When word got out, she may find that she can get a regular game going once a week. It is here I caution to anyone following this paradigm to include one adult to watch over but NOT coach the kids playing the game for safety reasons.

                The girls playing in the pickup games should include ALL girls who want to play, not just the most talented ones. Because as sure as the sun comes up every morning there is going to be a time when you are not the most talented player on the field and you would not want to be excluded from playing the sport you love. ALL girls who come get equal playing time, play different positions, AND HAVE FUN. PLAY FOR FUN!

                She could have used the internet, facebook, texting, and any technological tool that I am completely clueless about to get other girls interested in playing. She could even use the old fashioned “word of mouth” (which would help her develop her communications skills) to spread the word that she wanted to get a game together. You spend a lot more time in life getting along with people in various forms of relationships than you ever do in competition. Besides, if we want true competition to find out who is the best, don’t we have to play for free? Otherwise aren’t we just finding out who is the best that can afford to pay? Is that really true competition? I ask all of you who say you are competitive!

                         I want to know who the best out there is and I want to play against them.                                                  And I want to keep playing against them. That’s the most fun and it’s how I get better.

                I also ask that you keep the teams fairly close and equal in talent. You improve a lot more, and have a lot more fun when the games are close and exciting and not blow outs. Plus, without a coach and spectators you can try new and creative plays without getting yelled at or having a fear of getting benched. Stop the game if it gets lopsided and readjust the teams. This is the way we use to play pickup games. There is a disturbing trend now a days to have teams that are not equal so a few can revel in the false glory of a blowout, which helps neither team get better, and certainly is not fun to me. I have watched children purposely stack the deck and rig the game so that they will be assured a win. That’s not competition, that’s a bizarre form of entitlement. I have seen it done by players who have been excluded from playing on their high school teams as well as players who have spent a lot of money on pay for play teams and are venting their frustrations for their lack of playing time, or lack of enjoyment on those teams.

                 Is it possible by paying a recruiting service and playing on a travel team that the girl I mentioned earlier and her family were putting more value on her talent than was really there? Could they not have saved thousands of dollars and got a more balanced view of athletics and life by doing their own homework? Is it possible that talking about what someone else is doing for you when you could be doing it yourself is really that helpful? I keep hearing how this young generation wants to be independent and sell sufficient. I can’t think of a better way to do that than to take responsibility for your own future. You know what is best for you more than anyone else does! Remember, if you are that good, college coaches will find you. You don’t need a showcase to show your talent. Also, if you are not that good you can expose your weaknesses in a showcase. Obviously, I am not a fan of showcases. Watch my interview on my website, frozenshorts.com, with Dr. Mike Maloney who is the Director of University of Rochester Sports Medical Center.

                Let’s break this down even farther. Since DIII colleges do not  offer athletic scholarships, and MOST of the colleges, if not ALL of them offer academic scholarships, wouldn’t it be more prudent to spend a lot more time in the library getting your grades up than on the playing field? If you are going to pay someone to help you find a college doesn’t it make more sense to hire an academic tutor?

                 It is in the coaches’ best interests, and hopefully the athletes’, to complete four years of study at their college and graduate. The coaches can even use their graduation rate to entice future athletes to come to their school.  An athletic student is going to spend WAY more time in class and studying, than they will ever spend on the practice or playing field (you would hope)!  Any athlete who does not have to worry about their grades because they are putting in the proper amount of needed time in the classroom and library doing their academic work is going to be much more prepared, not less so, to compete on the playing field. The discipline it takes to balance an academic schedule is a life skill that can be transferred to the classroom, the playing field, the after-college work environment, and even to relationships later on in life. But I digress.

                Coaches want to win. They coach to win.  The coaches enjoy competition. They want competition to be fair and equal within their team and against an opponent. If they don’t, do you really want to play for that kind of coach on that kind of team, one that believes in entitlement? Do YOU want to play for coach who picks his or her team based on what they see recruiting, as you are playing against other high school girls, or do you want to be judged on how well you play against college girls playing on that team. Do you want to play for a coach who says you have to play softball year round and on particular teams and in particular showcases if you want to play for him or her? I wouldn’t and I didn’t. Remember, specialization does not make you special. It just makes you less balanced, and in some cases more susceptible to injuries. Hopefully they coach to develop the mind AND the body in balance, and help the athlete achieve balanced excellence. So as they coach to win, doesn’t it make sense they would want the best players they can get to play for them? And in the spirit of competition doesn’t it make sense that they would then play the players who are playing the best, not simply the best or most talented players? Then it seems that any athlete could show up at the coach’s door and get a tryout. College coaches refer to this kind of athlete as a “walk-on.” And, since softball is a spring sport, an athlete can go to that college for an academic fit, and then work out with the girls on the team and see where her talents lie facing the competition she will most likely be up against while attending that particular college.

                Let’s use the candy comparison/analogy. Let’s say you go to the store and you want a candy bar. If you are my wife and daughter that is ALWAYS going to include chocolate as the main ingredient. So they immediately eliminate the candy bars that do not have a lot of chocolate. Regular candy simply won’t do, they want something that tastes great and is going to make them feel good. You look at all the candy bars lined up in their fancy packaging. This packaging is put on there to entice you into buying that candy bar, and it has nothing to do with how good that candy bar is going to be for you to eat and or how much you will enjoy it. In some cases the company who manufactures the candy bar spends way more time on marketing and packaging that product than they do on its contents. They also want you to enjoy that candy bar and tell your friends how good the candy bar is so that maybe they will buy one. They know that they are competing with all the other candy bar manufacturers for your business (and make no mistake about it, there is definitely a business side to colleges). Come on, honestly, did you really think I was just talking about candy, or was I trying to get you to think at the synthesis level by comparing to seemingly unrelated paradigms? Besides, if I was going to talk to you just about treats, it would be ice cream. Oh how I love ice cream! But again, I digress.

                If my paradigm is correct, and I assure you it is.  I have spent thousands of hours and well over twenty years researching this topic, and I continue to put my paradigm into practice at all levels of youth sports. I have  interviewed other experts in the field (those videos will be coming out soon), and I have also coached and played at just about every level up through college. I love coaching and mostly playing with the really young kids, and it is 95% playing and having FUN when they are as  young as five, six, seven, eight, nine and ten  year olds. I am trying every day  to learn everything I can about youth sports. It led me to write a book about this subject, called Stop the Tsunami in Youth Sports: Achieving Balanced Excellence and Heath While Embracing the Value of Play for Fun. It will be out in e-book form in July of 2012.  

Not Rights, But The Right Thing To Do

I had a problem with a boy in class today. Once again, we see an athlete feeling entitlement without accountability, trying to get ahead, while actually falling behind. This young man is a very good person. He was texting in class, and he knew he wasn’t allowed to do so. His excuse was that he was texting his mom. I took his phone away. When he was walking by me later in the class .he asked if he could negotiate with me He was passing notes back and forth with the student next to him. I asked him to stop. He was helping the student with an assignment and I asked him to stop. I pretended to go out of the classroom to check on the time and looked over my shoulder and he was talking with the student after class. I asked him to stay after class.

            I then went to two other kids in the class, both athletes, and asked them to stay after class for a leadership chat. I did not want to criticize the one student in front of the other two. I had picked those two/ students because one was already a very good leader and the other had some setbacks, but I believed he had the ability to be a leader. Both athletes have shown on different occasions to understand the big long term picture of balanced excellence.

             I explained to all three that leading was not a sometimes thing and that the students could easily take shortcuts and that would lead them on a slippery slope to problems. Bad things can happen to good people and do many times over. I then asked the two kids to leave and kept the first boy for some more dialogue.

            Stunned was the only word I can come up with. When I explained to this boy that he had insulted me and lied he denied all behavior. Even though I had set him up to test him when I went to look at the time he said he was not doing it purposely. even though when I was watching him he did not talk to his friend. I explained to him how entitlement can creep into any one’s life and slowly but surely taint their perception of right and wrong.

            It will be interesting to follow this young man’s journey over the next few years. It is my hope that something will click from our talk and he won’t remember me, but the lesson learned.

            One final note to this story. I saw both boys who I let go first in the next couple of days. Both boys had interesting takes on our meeting. One said he did not really understand what I meant by the strength acquired by being humble and being an example of the rules, instead of above them. But to his credit he wanted to learn more. The other boy smiled, and said he understood completely.

            It has come time to take a look at our commitment to each other as teammates and friends, as one community united with each other, not competing with each other, at any one’s expense. We should not be looking at each other to see what we can get away with, or what rights we have but what obligations we can fulfill.Anytime you go against the right thing to do, and that does not mean your rights, you will chip away at the long term good and moral compass that is needed for inner balance.  You will find it easier and more justifiable to be less than forthright and true in the future knowing that you did not receive consequences that your behavior deserved.

BEHAVIOR MATTERS

I DO NOT THINK YOU THINK WHAT YOU THINK

                Gas prices are rising, an unpopular war is being waged, and we are seemingly inundated with messages that tell us to ignore long-term goals and to concentrate on me and today.  Some people respond with a paradigm shift in their thinking.  They stand up and say, “No” to this expensive, time-consuming pursuit of youth sports. 

Quality family time needs to be brought back to the forefront of our goals and desires.  We must regain the balance in our lives.  A sense of community, and what it stands for, needs to be returned to for the benefit of all.  This is what the goal should be: “balanced excellence” in youth sports and in life. There is a need for the voice of logic and reason, based on facts, not fantasy, to change the toxic atmosphere that rears its ugly head in youth sports. 

There is a need for a voice of logic and basic fundamental reasoning based on facts not fancy to change the sometimes toxic atmosphere in youth sports.

What coaches do in the context of a team, in terms of how they grow the team concept, can and will affect the players, now and in the future.  Embrace and praise good manners, unselfishness, camaraderie, and an excellent worth ethic.  These traits will stay with us throughout life. This is why coaches should continually tell their players to visualize past positive team experiences.

                The more we walk on the same path, the easier it is to follow that path.  The easier it is to do, the more consistently we can do it.  When the path is altered, we have a base from which to react confidently. The more relaxed we are, the less stressful situations will affect us, and our performance will increase.  We can choose our paths based on intrinsic knowledge, not on outward pressure.

                This has two benefits:  1. When crisis happens, we are more prepared to handle it calmly and are less likely to have it negatively impact performance, 2. The more relaxed we are, the less energy we use thinking negative thoughts, and we won’t stress out.  Think of how negative thoughts can wear us down, and those around us.

                Think of a friend or relative telling a tale of woe.  Look at him. See how just by telling the tale wears on him.  Imagine how the actual event must have felt.  See him tense up. Remember how it felt during the conversation.  Apply the knowledge gained to everything in life.  Pay it forward, as the saying goes.

There was an expression, “Positive. Keep it positive.” I told this to my players. I repeatedly tell my children the same thing. But, since I am only around them 20% of their day, other friends and peers have a great influence on them. I continually reinforce the message through actions and examples. The base has to be set and stay reliable for them, so that when they leave me, they will have a foundation on how to handle life’s travails and react positively to the world around them.

Good manners are paramount in setting the base.  Fundamental skills are needed to be successful in all areas of life.  Compassion and thoughtfulness are key components of manners and success.  We want to emulate leaders we admire. Find one who is solid and stable. He must be grounded in the fundamentals. Watch him; learn from him. Then, find your own path. Be polite in all things. Saying “shut up” never works. It is one of the most overused, abused and hurtful phrases used in everyday speech. People say it’s nothing, but it is something. Its use is demeaning and bossy and has a lingering undertow.   Please try to avoid saying it.  It cannot help us achieve a positive outcome.  It inflames when we are trying to achieve calmness. 

It is not a life sentence of eternal damnation to be wrong.  Don’t “jump on” someone just because he or she makes a mistake.  We should admit our mistakes. We are all going to make one soon enough.  When we apologize, we can say, “My bad”or“I’m sorry” and mean it.  Do it in a classy manner.  Be gracious when someone apologizes to you. “Please” and “thank you” are simple fundamentals. We don’t use them often enough. Neither do our players.  People would be surprised if they truly knew the impression that those words, and manners in general, make on others when said.  It also makes the person saying them feel good too.

KEEP FLIPPING THE SWITCH

                Instead of perpetuating questionable behavior with subjective, irrational thought and actions, it’s time to say, “Enough is enough!”  Parents and players should be made aware of the dangers ahead and not get overwhelmed and dragged down by the negative emotions.  We are going to set an example of decent, proper behavior, even while others choose negativity and entitlement over positive reinforcement.  It is time to stop the tsunami and put fun back as the number one priority of youth sports.  We need to take a stand. The future of our children’s happiness and contentment and their children’s depends on this.

                Look at what is going on and examine whether or not this is the future we want to hand to our children.  The issue of ethics both on and off the field will have paramount importance in the quality of life we seek for ourselves and our children in youth sports.

                We are social creatures by definition. Treating others as we would like to be treated is a foundation of life. This maxim forms an excellent base from which to grow.  Its youth sports: not professional sports, behavior counts.

RUBBER NECKING

RUBBER NECKING

                We tend to look around for the outrageous and the outlandish as a way to vent frustration about what’s happening in our own day to day existence. We can say, “Hey, I’m not so bad after all!” or “What a jerk that guy is!” but still pay attention to his or her behavior.  The athlete can be categorized in many negative ways.  But what we don’t understand is that when we do that, we are giving the athlete the attention he or she craves to fuel continued poor behavior.  It emboldens them.  Gives them the attention they are craving so they keep doing it.  They get the short term attention they desire. It becomes like a drug. They need more and more of it with less and less benefits and satisfaction.  Be careful we do not do the same kinds of things with our children and athletes.  Try to not reinforce negative behavior.  By continuing to play a player when they are playing poorly, just because they are one of your more talented players, a coach reinforces the fact that if you play poorly, and are talented, you get special treatment. 

                Some athletes think just like Madison Avenue.  Any publicity is good publicity. When coaches keep giving attention to poor behavior on and off the field, we encourage more of the same kind of behavior. It is really basic.  If a child misbehaves and the coaches keep talking to the child, making excuses for the behavior instead of disciplining the bad behavior, they just reinforce the behavior. A long winded lecture has the same result. The child sees our response as getting our attention so he continues the behavior.  Whether it is positive or negative attention, he’s still getting the attention he craves.  Frustration then grows. Coaches then resort to harsh tactics to verify frustration at the child when in reality the frustration is within.  The coach is enabling the child to disable his own growth.  The situation can become untenable.  The coach gets frustrated, the child gets frustrated…the cycle continues.

                Hard work and effort should be rewarded as much as talent.  In the long term, the life skills messages taught far outweigh the benefits of a short term win. It’s all about teamwork, effort, and having fun.  When you follow the rules and don’t try to be above them, when you set the example instead of being the exception, it is then that you realize the true purpose of youth sports.  It is enlightenment not entitlement. 

A NEW WAY TO COACH

         I was recently talking to a high school football player.  His season was over and he commented about what went on with the new craze of 7 on 7.  He came to me asking what I thought he should do.

         I did not answer him directly.  What I did was inquire as to how much fun he had playing football this past season.  He said it was OK.  The team had done well, he started, but you could tell there was something missing.  I probed further.  He told me of a game where he was playing defensive back.  The game was out of hand and one of his coaches kept screaming at the players on the field.  He was directing them and shouting instructions.  When the ball was snapped, he was not in position to make a play.  The wide receiver went by him in a flash and scored a touchdown.

       The next time they got on defense, the coach was yelling at him about his last play and demanding that he not let the wide receiver get past him.  He said he had to tune out the coach so he could do his job.  He stopped talking and asked me with his eyes what I thought.

       Here’s what I told him.  “If I was your coach I would have pulled you aside and told you, ‘Listen, I watched two hours of tape on this wide receiver.  Every time he points his right foot inward he runs a slant pattern.  Next time he does it I want you to jump the route.  If he fakes and goes long, I’ll take full responsibility for the play.  But it is important to me that you know I’m behind you and giving you an opportunity to use your skills to the best of your ability without having to worry about consequences.  I think you will play better this way and have a lot more fun.’”  His only response was, “Mr. Stanley, with knowledge from the heavens.”

      You see, it is not about winning and losing. It is about getting better, feeling good, and enjoying playing sports. Ask any DI athlete, and they will tell you some of the best games they played did not end in victory. Winning is the result of doing the little things right, embracing fundamentals and team sacrifice.

      This young man told me he is still thinking about what I told him that day. That should be our goal as coaches and parents. Not to have the children be our own personal joy stick or robot for our own status, but not to need us, be independent and grow, while maintaining and building upon the things we taught them, and they behavior we modeled.

ASK THE KIDS, ITS THEIR SPORT NOT YOURS

       Have you asked the kids if winning are why they play youth sports? WE HAVE! It's their sport. Here's what a majority answer. They play for fun! What is being advocated by many people is an extrinsic reward on a child’s internal development before they are fully developed. The test, winning a game, takes priority in terms of its importance to the child versus development?  Does the child who sits up first, crawls first, walks first, automatically become the fastest child? NO!

       Extrinsic rewards may help a few but when did we start teaching to the few. The rewards’ start to lose their meaning and the children need more and more of them with less and less satisfaction. Not unlike an addiction.

        Education in life and sports does not always have to be so cut and dried at an early age. How many more lessons are taught before a test is given? How many teachers ask for more time to plan lessons and work with their children before they give a test?

      Rewarding someone when they don’t do well can be just as  harmful as giving a trophy to a child  just because he participated How many games are not competitive, or are only a few really good players getting most of the playing time, just because they are better at an early age?.With many youth sports teams set up so that better players are on one team and then played at the expense of the other children just to win a meaningless game. This victory or win is going to affect the way they deal with their friends, co workers, spouse, and children later on in life. They will believe, because they were trained this way to put more value on self than community. So many games against so many opponents and the kids are pressured to win, the parents and organizations buy into it and the parents support it. It sets a precedent. I’m not for trophies for anyone.
What happened to the value of a job well done? The kids know when they get whupped; they know when they played well. The scoreboard you refer to is mostly for adults. The kids don’t care 10 minutes after the game is over. They change their minds all the time. If you are talking anything under varsity level high school development takes precedent over winning.
75% of all the 10 year old kids playing youth sports quit by the time they are 13. Winning and losing at an early age does nothing to prepare them for life. Getting along with each other is way more valuable and happens way more often in their lives, and thus is way more important to learn.
       I coached for 21 years at the collegiate level and never once talked to the kids about winning. I graduated 28 doctors and lawyers and 24 engineers. I thought that’s how we kept score. This experiment that I called teaching has culminated in over 30 championships for the teams I coached and played on. The championships we won pale in comparison to the lives we changed. That comes from notes from my players.

      The players rarely talk about the championships when I see them or hear from them. It’s always about the journey. Inter team competition is what motivated us. True completion is not resolved by the score at the end of the game, but in giving your all against the sport with your teammates.

      If you insist on comparing youth sports to the workplace, then let’s do it. When you first get a job are you tested on how well you do it? Doesn’t the boss stress getting along and working together? Isn't most of you time spent getting along with instead of competing with co-workers and other companies? You get a paycheck once a week, once every two weeks, or once a month. That is your trophy!