Let the dream take her as far as it can

“Let the dream take her as far as it can”

I have heard this statement form well meaning parents repeatedly over the last five years. This story encompasses them all into one poignant moment.

 I had a parent bring his daughter to me after one of our presentations and tell me: “My daughter is an excellent athlete and a great lax player. I am going to give her every financial advantage and support that I can so she can live her dream.”

This little girl had on a pink hoodie and was only 12 years old. Her father was at least 6” 4” tall and a good 250 pounds. His hand was so big I could barely see this young girl’s hand as he held her close. I kneltd down to speak to her as I feel looking children directly in the eye at their level is critical to gain their trust and show that you truly care.

I simply asked her: “Would you like to go play with your friends from school tonight and do something different?” She looked me right in the eye and her face grew all aglow. Her smile lit up the room and reminded me of when my wonderful young daughter was playing at the playground with her friends having a ball without any interference from adults.

At that point her father glared at me, squeezed her hand, and all the joy in that little girl’s face was completely drained out. It was replaced by body language that was sad and fearful. He walked away with more than just her physical being; he walked away with that little girl’s dreams.

You see she was only 12 years old. And yes it is true that many children will say they want to play, and keep playing that sport, because they love it. But in that one instance, I saw a scenario that I have watched play out over the last 20 years of my coaching, mentoring, and parenting life. A child’s reality was sacrificed, even with very well meaning parents, for the parent’s need to keep up with the “Joneses” on their child’s team, their associates in work place, and their friends in the community.

 Television with the professional athletes, and the way TV is mass covering college, high school, and youth sports is sending a message of professionalism to parents and children that is myopic, misleading, and unhealthy. Words and descriptions used to define a childs developing athletic talent that not so long ago was only used for the very top of heap athletes, and only those who were 15 and 16 years old. This extrinsic force of glory, money, and status permeates the air waves. I am not here to decry that coverage. There is obviously a supply and a demand for it. But what I do question is the message it is sending to parents, coaches, and athletes. If that they don’t play year round on the best “elite” travel team, get personal trainers, play in showcases, and devote their free time to specialization instead of balance, that there is a race that parents are falling behind in.

However, it is a race that doesn’t exist.

We want children to dream. We want them to use their imaginations and creativity to think happy and wonderful things. But there is a difference between dreams and goals, and it is the parents role to know that difference and keep it in  perspective. Because when those dreams are not realized there can be a tremendous push back from the children. We see it every day.