Derek Jeter and winningDerek Jeter. Let’s talk about the over the top importance of winning to some people in youth sports, mostly adults, parents, friends, and organizations, and how they feel winning youth sports games at a young age teaches a child valuable life lessons. And then let’s talk about Derek Jeter. Many people believe him to be the consummate winner. They see the World Championships he has won as a member of the New York Yankees and his mantra of playing to win. They see the way he handles himself with class and dignity. They never see him chewing out, or showing up a teammate and rarely does he ever argue with an umpire. He stays out of controversy off the field and does a lot of charitable work behind the scenes, rarely drawing attention to himself. He is an excellent role model for his teammates, fans, and Major League baseball. Pretty straight forward stuff isn’t it? Maybe not. Probably not. It isn’t! So what exactly is it that makes the tag of a winner so hard to define? Are there way more important things that go into being a winner than just winning? Could it be that the great Derek Jeter says he plays to win and winning championships is the only thing he plays for just to appease the masses? Or could it be that he uses winning as a motivational tool to keep his focus and drive at a level he needs to compete at the major league level? One thing is for sure, Derek Jeter has lost a heck of a lot of baseball games. I would venture to say that he has played in and lost over a 1000 games in his professional career. So if he truly believed in the mantra of winning, and he didn’t win, why wouldn’t he stop playing? Of course you can say it is the money that keeps him going, but in reality, it seems he is very well off financially. Could it be the winning mantra is just a sound bite used to garner a brand name around athletes? Is it possible with the breakdown of what we feel is important to us, that we feel the need to associate ourselves, and align ourselves with a brand, a name, and organization that makes up for and possibly replaces some peoples family structure? This is the thing, this is the group we can identify with as something we want to be a part of? Something as social beings we need to feel part of, to make us feel better, or in some cases, superior. Because really, tell me right now how to win! If teachable with a 100% guaranteed success rate why aren’t more teams trying this formula for success. No, honestly, in all the years team sports have been played, why, if there was a formula for success, and how to win, why hasn’t anyone packaged it. A person could make millions! And if they can’t figure it out for highly trained professional athletes, coaches, and organizations, how is it even remotely possible that untrained people, coaching part time, could believe that they could teach this mythical thing called winning to our children in youth sports. How could they think that these children could grasp a concept so vague in its meaning, definition, and execution, that it could be more important for them to grasp than it is for the children to PLAY FOR FUN? Because, that my friends takes time. And as a good friend of mine Tony said: “We want to microwave our kids development when we should really be slow cooking it.” Look how many years of development it took before he became the captain of the New York Yankees. No one talks about how many games he won or lost in the minor leagues or even when and where he played amateur baseball with much regularity. It’s almost as if his career began when his team starting winning World Championships. Very few talk about his struggles when he first got to the Major Leagues. No one seems to want to talk about the journey. But if you ask him, and I wish someone would, how important the journey was to his success, I am pretty sure you would be surprised at how important it is to him. Not winning mind you, just the importance of enjoying and learning from and during the journey. Then ask him this one. How important was luck, yes, plain old fashioned luck that anyone could have, at reaching his ultimate goal of playing shortstop for the New York Yankees? And finally, because he is well known for his dry wit and sense of humor, ask him how important, even at the highest level in the world of professional baseball, how important it is for him and his teammates to have fun, TO PLAY FOR FUN? Few people talk about the hours and hours he spends with teammates behind the scenes working out and talking to teammates about the right way for them to behave and act at the major league level to help the New York Yankees be successful as a TEAM first and Derek Jeter second. Many many hours tutoring, listening, and encouraging the players around him to have fun, work hard, and enjoy the journey. All the while, he is stressing the importance of learning and executing the fundamentals properly, consistently, over time. And you know why they listen, sure because it’s Derek Jeter, but the real reason, and you can ask him this one too, is because they trust him. Plain and simple. And he trusts them also. Nowhere in this whole paragraph have I mentioned the word winning in what it takes to make a champion, and I doubt Derek Jeter stopped any workout he was having, any tutorial he was giving and said, “we have to win” because he knows you don’t! He knows that his success is intrinsically tied to the team’s success. Derek Jeter is keenly aware that not everyone on his team is going to be an All-Star or future Hall of Famer. The ability for him and the coaches to intigrate all levels of talents and all types of personalities into the framework of a successful team is what truly makes Derek Jeter’s talent transferrable to the playing field and the scoreboard. He knows that getting along with these teammates over the course of a six month season is imperative for the long term success, fueled by teaching and getting better, for the team’s development. When is the last time you heard a coach say during a drill that we need to win? NO, the coach says we have to get better. When a team loses a championship, or gets eliminated from tournament, what is the first thing you hear from them after they get over being upset about the loss? “We got to get better.” Development as a TEAM is the primary focus. They can’t all of a sudden come up with a magic elixir that will guarantee them victory. Even at his greatest height of achievement Jeter failed almost 70% of the time at the plate. And when you break it down even further he is taking more swings and missing pitches and hitting foul balls, so his success rate is even a smaller percentage than the 30% that many people use as a standard for batting average greatness. Now let’s go to Derek Jeter playing in a game. It is the ninth inning and he is up to bat with two outs and the bases loaded. He may walk up to the plate thinking about getting the game winning hit, but then he immediately has to return his focus to actually making contact with the baseball to get the hit. He can think about the pitcher he is going to face and what history he has had against him or what the pitcher might throw him during his at bat, but ultimately, even in a game winning situation he must focus on executing the basic fundamentals of swinging a bat to hit a pitched ball. Over the years, and many many years and thousands of pitches he has trained himself to keep his head still and his hands held a certain way and to stride or not stride a certain way. Even in this most critical moment when the game is on the line he is not thinking about winning because thinking about winning will actually hinder his ability to win and he is a highly trained individual. Now please tell me, if even one of the greatest baseball players of all time a sure Hall of Famer can’t think about winning to help him win at the most crucial point in a game, how can we suppose to “teach” our amateur athletes the importance of winning at any age and not hinder their development and distract them from the goal of getting better so as to put themselves and their team in a position to win? One component missing in all this and it is a critical component is trust. In that game winning or losing situation, Derek Jeter has to have a lot of trust. He has to trust the pitcher; yes he does, to throw the ball over the plate and not at him. He has to trust the players on base will run when he gets a hit. He has to trust the first and third base coach to not get the runners thrown out. He has to trust the bat manufacturer. He has trust, not respect, as a priority. That’s what we should be modeling and teaching our young people both on and off the playing field. The long term value and benefit of learning and earning trust! Well, since this all conjecture on my part, I would certainly like to give Mr. Jeter his turn to respond. I can be reached on twitter @VJJStanley, Face Book at Frozenshorts, on my website frozenshorts.com and by email at vj@frozenshorts.com or just get my book: Stop The tsunami in Youth Sports, through a link at my website.Derek Jeter. Let’s talk about the over the top importance of winning to some people in youth sports, mostly adults, parents, friends, and organizations, and how they feel winning youth sports games at a young age teaches a child valuable life lessons. And then let’s talk about Derek Jeter. Many people believe him to be the consummate winner. They see the World Championships he has won as a member of the New York Yankees and his mantra of playing to win. They see the way he handles himself with class and dignity. They never see him chewing out, or showing up a teammate and rarely does he ever argue with an umpire. He stays out of controversy off the field and does a lot of charitable work behind the scenes, rarely drawing attention to himself. He is an excellent role model for his teammates, fans, and Major League baseball. Pretty straight forward stuff isn’t it? Maybe not. Probably not. It isn’t! So what exactly is it that makes the tag of a winner so hard to define? Are there way more important things that go into being a winner than just winning? Could it be that the great Derek Jeter says he plays to win and winning championships is the only thing he plays for just to appease the masses? Or could it be that he uses winning as a motivational tool to keep his focus and drive at a level he needs to compete at the major league level? One thing is for sure, Derek Jeter has lost a heck of a lot of baseball games. I would venture to say that he has played in and lost over a 1000 games in his professional career. So if he truly believed in the mantra of winning, and he didn’t win, why wouldn’t he stop playing? Of course you can say it is the money that keeps him going, but in reality, it seems he is very well off financially. Could it be the winning mantra is just a sound bite used to garner a brand name around athletes? Is it possible with the breakdown of what we feel is important to us, that we feel the need to associate ourselves, and align ourselves with a brand, a name, and organization that makes up for and possibly replaces some peoples family structure? This is the thing, this is the group we can identify with as something we want to be a part of? Something as social beings we need to feel part of, to make us feel better, or in some cases, superior. Because really, tell me right now how to win! If teachable with a 100% guaranteed success rate why aren’t more teams trying this formula for success. No, honestly, in all the years team sports have been played, why, if there was a formula for success, and how to win, why hasn’t anyone packaged it. A person could make millions! And if they can’t figure it out for highly trained professional athletes, coaches, and organizations, how is it even remotely possible that untrained people, coaching part time, could believe that they could teach this mythical thing called winning to our children in youth sports. How could they think that these children could grasp a concept so vague in its meaning, definition, and execution, that it could be more important for them to grasp than it is for the children to PLAY FOR FUN? Because, that my friends takes time. And as a good friend of mine Tony said: “We want to microwave our kids development when we should really be slow cooking it.” Look how many years of development it took before he became the captain of the New York Yankees. No one talks about how many games he won or lost in the minor leagues or even when and where he played amateur baseball with much regularity. It’s almost as if his career began when his team starting winning World Championships. Very few talk about his struggles when he first got to the Major Leagues. No one seems to want to talk about the journey. But if you ask him, and I wish someone would, how important the journey was to his success, I am pretty sure you would be surprised at how important it is to him. Not winning mind you, just the importance of enjoying and learning from and during the journey. Then ask him this one. How important was luck, yes, plain old fashioned luck that anyone could have, at reaching his ultimate goal of playing shortstop for the New York Yankees? And finally, because he is well known for his dry wit and sense of humor, ask him how important, even at the highest level in the world of professional baseball, how important it is for him and his teammates to have fun, TO PLAY FOR FUN? Few people talk about the hours and hours he spends with teammates behind the scenes working out and talking to teammates about the right way for them to behave and act at the major league level to help the New York Yankees be successful as a TEAM first and Derek Jeter second. Many many hours tutoring, listening, and encouraging the players around him to have fun, work hard, and enjoy the journey. All the while, he is stressing the importance of learning and executing the fundamentals properly, consistently, over time. And you know why they listen, sure because it’s Derek Jeter, but the real reason, and you can ask him this one too, is because they trust him. Plain and simple. And he trusts them also. Nowhere in this whole paragraph have I mentioned the word winning in what it takes to make a champion, and I doubt Derek Jeter stopped any workout he was having, any tutorial he was giving and said, “we have to win” because he knows you don’t! He knows that his success is intrinsically tied to the team’s success. Derek Jeter is keenly aware that not everyone on his team is going to be an All-Star or future Hall of Famer. The ability for him and the coaches to intigrate all levels of talents and all types of personalities into the framework of a successful team is what truly makes Derek Jeter’s talent transferrable to the playing field and the scoreboard. He knows that getting along with these teammates over the course of a six month season is imperative for the long term success, fueled by teaching and getting better, for the team’s development. When is the last time you heard a coach say during a drill that we need to win? NO, the coach says we have to get better. When a team loses a championship, or gets eliminated from tournament, what is the first thing you hear from them after they get over being upset about the loss? “We got to get better.” Development as a TEAM is the primary focus. They can’t all of a sudden come up with a magic elixir that will guarantee them victory. Even at his greatest height of achievement Jeter failed almost 70% of the time at the plate. And when you break it down even further he is taking more swings and missing pitches and hitting foul balls, so his success rate is even a smaller percentage than the 30% that many people use as a standard for batting average greatness. Now let’s go to Derek Jeter playing in a game. It is the ninth inning and he is up to bat with two outs and the bases loaded. He may walk up to the plate thinking about getting the game winning hit, but then he immediately has to return his focus to actually making contact with the baseball to get the hit. He can think about the pitcher he is going to face and what history he has had against him or what the pitcher might throw him during his at bat, but ultimately, even in a game winning situation he must focus on executing the basic fundamentals of swinging a bat to hit a pitched ball. Over the years, and many many years and thousands of pitches he has trained himself to keep his head still and his hands held a certain way and to stride or not stride a certain way. Even in this most critical moment when the game is on the line he is not thinking about winning because thinking about winning will actually hinder his ability to win and he is a highly trained individual. Now please tell me, if even one of the greatest baseball players of all time a sure Hall of Famer can’t think about winning to help him win at the most crucial point in a game, how can we suppose to “teach” our amateur athletes the importance of winning at any age and not hinder their development and distract them from the goal of getting better so as to put themselves and their team in a position to win? One component missing in all this and it is a critical component is trust. In that game winning or losing situation, Derek Jeter has to have a lot of trust. He has to trust the pitcher; yes he does, to throw the ball over the plate and not at him. He has to trust the players on base will run when he gets a hit. He has to trust the first and third base coach to not get the runners thrown out. He has to trust the bat manufacturer. He has trust, not respect, as a priority. That’s what we should be modeling and teaching our young people both on and off the playing field. The long term value and benefit of learning and earning trust! Well, since this all conjecture on my part, I would certainly like to give Mr. Jeter his turn to respond. I can be reached on twitter @VJJStanley, Face Book at Frozenshorts, on my website frozenshorts.com and by email at vj@frozenshorts.com or just get my book: Stop The tsunami in Youth Sports, through a link at my website.

Derek Jeter.

             Let’s talk about the over the top importance of winning to some people in youth sports, mostly adults, parents, friends, and organizations, and how they feel winning youth sports games at a young age teaches a child valuable life lessons.

            And then let’s talk about Derek Jeter. Many people believe him to be the consummate winner. They see the World Championships he has won as a member of the New York Yankees and his mantra of playing to win. They see the way he handles himself with class and dignity.

            They never see him chewing out, or showing up a teammate and rarely does he ever argue with an umpire. He stays out of controversy off the field and does a lot of charitable work behind the scenes, rarely drawing attention to himself. He is an excellent role model for his teammates, fans, and Major League baseball.

             Pretty straight forward stuff isn’t it? Maybe not. Probably not. It isn’t!

             So what exactly is it that makes the tag of a winner so hard to define? Are there way more important things that go into being a winner than just winning?

            Could it be that the great Derek Jeter says he plays to win and winning championships is the only thing he plays for just to appease the masses? Or could it be that he uses winning as a motivational tool to keep his focus and drive at a level he needs to compete at the major league level?

            One thing is for sure, Derek Jeter has lost a heck of a lot of baseball games.  I would venture to say that he has played in and lost over a 1000 games in his professional career. So if he truly believed in the mantra of winning, and he didn’t win, why wouldn’t he stop playing? Of course you can say it is the money that keeps him going, but in reality, it seems he is very well off financially.

            Could it be the winning mantra is just a sound bite used to garner a brand name around athletes? Is it possible with the breakdown of what we feel is important to us, that we feel the need to associate ourselves, and align ourselves with a brand, a name, and organization that makes up for and possibly replaces some peoples family structure?

            This is the thing, this is the group we can identify with as something we want to be a part of? Something as social beings we need to feel part of, to make us feel better, or in some cases, superior.

            Because really, tell me right now how to win! If teachable with a 100% guaranteed success rate why aren’t more teams trying this formula for success. No, honestly, in all the years team sports have been played, why, if there was a formula for success, and how to win, why hasn’t anyone packaged it. A person could make millions!

            And if they can’t figure it out for highly trained professional athletes, coaches, and organizations, how is it even remotely possible that untrained people, coaching part time, could believe that they could teach this mythical thing called winning to our children in youth sports.             How could they think that these children could grasp a concept so vague in its meaning, definition, and execution, that it could be more important for them to grasp than it is for the children to PLAY FOR FUN?

            Because, that my friends takes time. And as a good friend of mine Tony said: “We want to microwave our kids development when we should really be slow cooking it.”

             Look how many years of development it took before he became the captain of the New York Yankees. No one talks about how many games he won or lost in the minor leagues or even when and where he played amateur baseball with much regularity. It’s almost as if his career began when his team starting winning World Championships. Very few talk about his struggles when he first got to the Major Leagues. No one seems to want to talk about the journey.

             But if you ask him, and I wish someone would, how important the journey was to his success, I am pretty sure you would be surprised at how important it is to him. Not winning mind you, just the importance of enjoying and learning from and during the journey.

            Then ask him this one. How important was luck, yes, plain old fashioned luck that anyone could have, at reaching his ultimate goal of playing shortstop for the New York Yankees?

             And finally, because he is well known for his dry wit and sense of humor, ask him how important, even at the highest level in the world of professional baseball, how important it is for him and his teammates to have fun, TO PLAY FOR FUN?

            Few people talk about the hours and hours he spends with teammates behind the scenes working out and talking to teammates about the right way for them to behave and act at the major league level to help the New York Yankees be successful as a TEAM first and Derek Jeter second. Many many hours tutoring, listening, and encouraging the players around him to have fun, work hard, and enjoy the journey.

             All the while, he is stressing the importance of learning and executing the fundamentals properly, consistently, over time. And you know why they listen, sure because it’s Derek Jeter, but the real reason, and you can ask him this one too, is because they trust him. Plain and simple. And he trusts them also. Nowhere in this whole paragraph have I mentioned the word winning in what it takes to make a champion, and I doubt Derek Jeter stopped any workout he was having, any tutorial he was giving and said, “we have to win” because he knows you don’t!

             He knows that his success is intrinsically tied to the team’s success. Derek Jeter is keenly aware that not everyone on his team is going to be an All-Star or future Hall of Famer. The ability for him and the coaches to intigrate all levels of talents and all types of personalities into the framework of a successful team is what truly makes Derek Jeter’s talent transferrable to the playing field and the scoreboard.

            He knows that getting along with these teammates over the course of a six month season is imperative for the long term success, fueled by teaching and getting better, for the team’s development.

             When is the last time you heard a coach say during a drill that we need to win? NO, the coach says we have to get better. When a team loses a championship, or gets eliminated from tournament, what is the first thing you hear from them after they get over being upset about the loss? “We got to get better.” Development as a TEAM is the primary focus. They can’t all of a sudden come up with a magic elixir that will guarantee them victory.

            Even at his greatest height of achievement Jeter failed almost 70% of the time at the plate. And when you break it down even further he is taking more swings and missing pitches and hitting foul balls, so his success rate is even a smaller percentage than the 30% that many people use as a standard for batting average greatness.

            Now let’s go to Derek Jeter playing in a game. It is the ninth inning and he is up to bat with two outs and the bases loaded. He may walk up to the plate thinking about getting the game winning hit, but then he immediately has to return his focus to actually making contact with the baseball to get the hit.

             He can think about the pitcher he is going to face and what history he has had against him or what the pitcher might throw him during his at bat, but ultimately, even in a game winning situation he must focus on executing the basic fundamentals of swinging a bat to hit a pitched ball.

            Over the years, and many many years and thousands of pitches he has trained himself to keep his head still and his hands held a certain way and to stride or not stride a certain way.

            Even in this most critical moment when the game is on the line he is not thinking about winning because thinking about winning will actually hinder his ability to win and he is a highly trained individual.

            Now please tell me, if even one of the greatest baseball players of all time a sure Hall of Famer can’t think about winning to help him win at the most crucial point in a game, how can we suppose to “teach” our amateur athletes the importance of winning at any age and not hinder their development and distract them from the goal of getting better so as to put themselves and their team in a position to win?

            One component missing in all this and it is a critical component is trust. In that game winning or losing situation, Derek Jeter has to have a lot of trust. He has to trust the pitcher; yes he does, to throw the ball over the plate and not at him. He has to trust the players on base will run when he gets a hit. He has to trust the first and third base coach to not get the runners thrown out. He has to trust the bat manufacturer. He has trust, not respect, as a priority.

            That’s what we should be modeling and teaching our young people both on and off the playing field. The long term value and benefit of learning and earning trust!

            Well, since this all conjecture on my part, I would certainly like to give Mr. Jeter his turn to respond. I can be reached on twitter @VJJStanley, Face Book at Frozenshorts, on my website frozenshorts.com and by email at vj@frozenshorts.com or just get my book: Stop The tsunami in Youth Sports, through a link at my website.

Stop The Tsunami

The erosion of youth sports can be linked directly to the decision to have our children play one sport year-round and to the increased monetary commitment to the “pay-for-play” concept.  When did it become acceptable to have personal coaches, surgery before an injury, and rehabilitation as a way to get back on the playing field instead of just getting healthy?  The atmosphere surrounding youth sports programs has changed dramatically and negatively over the years since this concept was created. Good kids, good athletes, are telling their parents that they do not want to play anymore.

                The truth is that they are not having fun. Seventy percent of all youth sports participants at the age of ten stop playing by age thirteen.

                 There are those children who love playing their sports so much they want to play year-round.

                My daughter loves chocolate, but I don’t let her have it all the time. It would make her sick!

                It used to be a normal occurrence for children to play multiple sports. They played one sport for a season, putting away the equipment until the next season. They then went on to the next sport. Kids enjoyed going to practice and playing in games with their teammates. The enjoyment and improvement in skills were enhanced by having balance and diversity. This approach helped to develop the mind and body, together, through years of playing youth sports.  “Specialization” referred to the particular ice-cream or snack the player preferred to eat after each contest.

                It used to be that children had fun playing sports just for the enjoyment of playing with friends.  Between sports, they could have active rest by playing pickup games in different sports or some other unrelated activity.  They could do school work or community service. These all helped to achieve “balanced excellence.”

                Now, children are told by organizations, parents, and coaches to pick a sport and stay with it year-round.  Few people want to talk about where this is leading, as well as what the long-term consequences are if playing year-round doesn’t work out as planned.   There is too much ego and money involved for those close to youth sports to think clearly for the good of the children. No one wants to talk about the children, families, and coaches who have been consumed by this recent phenomenon of specialization. Many have ended up breaking down mentally, physically and emotionally by the journey and results.  They are quietly being pushed aside and their discontent is silenced as a new generation of hopefuls takes their place.  How did this transformation evolve?  Is there something going on in society that helps fuel this change?

                We live in a time of “instant” gratification, information, contact, reward, and success.  Long-term goals are being overrun by short-term gratification, leading to the justification of selfish behavior.  Youth sports have enveloped good people, families, coaches, and school districts like a Tsunami, repeatedly knocking them down until they are too tired to resist.  They just “go with the flow.”  Some fear retribution; others feel they will fall behind or be ostracized by the athletic community in which they socialize and participate.

                Why isn’t the idea of children having fun playing sports good enough anymore?  Why are playing multiple sports discouraged?  What happened to the enjoyment and the importance of the journey?  The value of the process itself has been, at the very least, diminished through year-round playing.  Youth sports have taken on a life of their own in importance and status in our culture.  When did having quality family time, or taking a family vacation become an interruption to the participation in year-round youth sports?  Time away from youth sports should not need an excuse and justification for an absence.  We must get back to the fundamentals of playing for fun, learning life skills, and “balanced excellence.”

                Recently, questions have begun surfacing regarding what is really going on in youth sports.  The long-term ramifications of playing year-round are beginning to emerge.  The idea that children enjoy sports and learn from the experience, taking the journey, has been replaced with short-term gratification and the hope of long-term financial rewards.  Most spend more than they will ever get back.

                Glory, false rewards, and debilitating spending have overwhelmed youth sports. Parents and coaches are led to believe that the way to get to the “pot of gold at the end of the rainbow” can only come from playing one sport year-round. The short term reward of course, is winning. The long term reward is either a scholarship or professional contract.

                This simply is not true.

                Winning has become a primary goal and the mantra for youth sports participation.  The dream of winning has become the goal of each game played each week of each month for an entire year! But what is being won? Who is winning? If winning is everything, does this mean that anything else is losing? Do you or anyone you know ever think that winning validates who you are as a person? Do you have to   win?

                Well, no. We don’t always have to win. We can’t always win. To believe so is being false to the realities of life. But it’s too late. The Tsunami claims another victim.

                If winning is so important can you please tell me the playoff champions in 2010 from the NBA, NHL, MLS, MLB and World Cup, without looking it up?

                Look at what’s happening at youth sports games. Are we pleased with the behavior we see?  The next time you are at a game, mosey on over to where other parents are sitting. Listen to what they say and how they say it. Are you hearing the joy, the humor, the encouragement being offered to the young players? How many parents are “coaching” their children from the sidelines? What is going on? Or, are you listening to yourself? How many times do we cringe when we hear parents yelling at the athletes on the field during a game, and sometimes even at practice?

Do parents really believe that their words of coaching and tutelage are helpful to their children? 

                Twenty kids were asked if it helped them to have parents shout at them from the sidelines during a game. All twenty responded, “No.” When did parents decide that yelling during a game was acceptable?  If there had been a meeting when this was decided, certainly the kids weren’t part of it. They would have said, “That’s not a good idea. It’s hard enough to concentrate on what I’m doing without having you scream at me. It takes all the fun out of it.” Parents and other adults are being swept up in the frenzy of winning to the detriment of the kids…and themselves. Do parents and coaches really think their tirades help the children on the field, court, or ice, to play better? When did parents decide that trying to influence their children’s performance on the playing field, court, or rink was acceptable?

                 Parents say they are competitive, but that is not competitive, it’s butting in where you are not supposed to be. It’s just another form of entitlement. What would happen if everyone yelled at the kids just like you did? Would you want someone to do that continually to you while you were at work trying to do your job? Parents are not part of the competition, and need to stay out of it. College coaches see what you are doing and take note of it. That’s not a good thing. It’s time to Stop The Tsunami!

False Premise False Conclusion

            There is a rising movement, gaining momentum across the land for children to leave their high school teams and go off to play on an “elite” travel team. These teams which cost thousands of dollars to play on have a very flawed premise, in my opinion.

            Talk to the children that have gone through this process, and I have, you will hear a story much different than the glory and fame it is supposed to provide. In one interview on my website you will hear a young man describe what he went through, the injuries he suffered and the time away from his classmates in high school, and how his family is having quite dilemma on whether or not to send the youngest sibling through hat same process and journey.   

            Remember, every player on this travel team is trying to get better to go to ANOTHER higher level team so the atmosphere is ripe for cliques and innuendos. You add the financial pressure the money brings to the table and that certainly does not seem to me to be an atmosphere rich in positives and life skill development. You spend a lot more time as an adult getting along with people than you do competing with them.

             In High School, they are just your friends you hang out with. You can play pickup games in any sport with them just to have fun. PLAY FOR FUN!

            These organizations are under the assumption, all the while making a profit, that people will buy into the thought process that the better team you play on, the better the chances are that your son or daughter will receive a Division I athletic scholarship. That, in my opinion, is simply not true for the VAST majority of the children who play on these teams.

            The coaches I have seen wear their gear everywhere inviting recognition and status to their particular team and organization. By adding a name or an affiliation with a professional sports team they entice people to drink the Kool aid, and follow, like lemmings to the cliff, with a notion of grandeur, attention, status, and financial rewards.

            Stats don’t lie, only one percent of all the kids who go to college play at the Division I level and only half of them ply for free. Many get no athletic SCHOLARSHIP money whatsoever.

             Since I am not a “gotcha” guy, and my company Frozen Shorts is not a company looking to expose any one person or organization, I will analyze the facts, as to what is going on currently with the youth sports paradigm, interpret them for you and explain the consequences of the actions taken for the long term best interests for the children playing youth sports, or the lack thereof.

            Let’s start with the premise that the better the team you play on the better the competition you will play, the better you will get. This is simply not true, in my opinion. Let me explain why. It is a false premise and therefore it will have a false conclusion.

            This team you are on has to have tuition, love that new word, to lay on the team. The coaches get paid the organization gets paid, and by whom? YOU! So, it is in their best interests to keep the money rolling in. There is also the problem as to the other teams you play. What if they don’t recruit the same quality of players that your teams as? What if they have players that are much better? Am I supposed to believe that traveling 500 miles to win or lose 2-1 is better for your development than playing on a local team and losing or winning by the same score? What if there is a blow out? How is that competitive? If I traveled 500 miles to play a game in an “elite” team concept and the game was a blowout either way I would not for a minute think that was great competition.

            The Ivy League colleges are great colleges. But if your child does not have the grades or the family does not have the finances to afford and Ivy League education or simply does not fit in to that life style on campus does that mean he or she will not end up in life with a better education, better job, better marriage, better family, than those who attend there that don’t have a family history of tremendous financial wealth? You see it’s not just playing at a perceived higher level, it’s the FIT! It’s the makeup of the team and the character of the players and COACHES.

             I have heard of one of these teams requiring the parents to sign a contract even before their child tries out that they will agree to play for the team. Let me explain that little ditty. Why would a team or organization do that? Well, in my opinion, and it is an educated one, the reason is simple. Children were trying out for the team to judge how good they were against others trying out at that level, realized that it wasn’t all that much better than what they already doing and declined the invitation to play on the team. This was their way of keeping talent because they were sick of calling players to tell them that they had made the team and having the players decline to play for them.

            I have also heard of teams and organizations that will not allow the children who play on their teams play any other sport. Their mantra of more is better is quite flawed in my opinion. I am also personally aware through my research and data that it is not healthy for a child to play one sport year round. It is that plain and simple. So how can something that is unhealthy for you. Turn out to be a positive? Oh wait; you want the exception to prove the rule. False premise false conclusion.

             MOST of the Olympic athletes played multiple sports. Most great athletes understand that there are TREMENDOUS advantages to the by playing multiple sports. First, you give your muscles and MIND a rest from doing the same thing over and over. Secondly absence does make the heart grow fonder. Third, you meet and play with different kids in different sports where you might not be the best player on that team in that sport. That teaches you humility and sharing. It also exposes you to different styles of coaching and interaction with different adults.

            Let us say this team gathers players from different communities, which they do, in a couple hundred mile radius. The very fact that a lot of these children have to travel a hundred miles or so during the week just to practice when they could be studying is a detriment to their long term development. Next there is the physical wear and tear of practicing, the stress of driving back and forth a couple times a week over an extended period of time, and the time sitting in a car that can only decrease the ability of the mind and the body to recover.

            Now there certainly is the argument that many children have done this to achieve greatness. We have all heard of the family who flew across the country so there son or daughter could play on an elite team, and by doing so achieved a Division scholarship or eventually a professional contract. What you don’t see is how MANY others do this that you don’t hear about, and fail. The FACTS states that way more children and families have followed this path and come up empty than have achieved a full ride Division I scholarship.

So why isn’t that fact a prominent part of the recruiting process for these teams and organizations? Could it be that so many people and organizations are making money for the unsuspecting families that they simply don’t want the gravy train to stop?

            The money the families spend, for the most part far exceeds the amount of financial aid scholarship money. So now we are down to the nitty gritty of this whole youth sports elite travel evolution. Ego and money. The people are being led into believing, and let’s make sure I am clear on this, they want to believe, that writing a check will buy you talent and therefore that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, the Division I scholarships.

            Look, the more rested you are the better you will play. The less outside negative stress you have surrounding your team and the players on it the better you ill play. The more positive reinforcement you get form teammates coaches and parents the better you will play, and the better you will get. Now if you think those characteristics are exclusive to an “Elite’ travel team, than my book and philosophy are not for you. However if you are in the vast majority of people who are questioning this new mantra that more is better, I thank you for listening and I hope you will consider buying my book Stop the Tsunami in Youth Sports and let’s get back to the premise that playing youth sports for fun is the most basic sound fundamental reason to have our children be health both physically and mentally now and in the future.

Clayton's Journey and My Revelation

                 Today’s blog is going to take on a different tone. I mostly write about what is going on in youth sports and connect it to the general health and well being of all involved. For those who have been following my blogs you are going to see introspection today. An event happened in our family’s life on Monday that literally stopped me from functioning as I normally do. Well I am not sure my family would say how I act and talk is normal, but once again as I tend to do, I digress.

                My son went off to college Monday. As I say that I want to make it clear that he moved about five miles away from home. Although I have set up rules for visits (once a month, and only for a few hours if HE wants to) I was struck by how much that event tore at my very being. We had talked as a family about how it was time for him to begin his journey of independence and self enlightenment. We had planned for this day and talked about it on more than one occasion.

                He has had his struggles. His senior year in high school was not filled with a tremendous interest in academics. As a 92% student he basically watched as his grades faltered. The grades got to the point where I chose to remove him from the varsity baseball team. Now let me say that I believe sports HELP students with their grades on most occasions. They keep the student focused and disciplined. But sometimes a decision has to be made to say this behavior is no longer acceptable and there are consequences, not excuses.

                He had shown an interest in the Coast Guard Academy and had attended their A.I.M. program in the summer and done quite well. He got all the way to the final interview, which the recruiter told us was the second best interview he had ever had with a perspective recruit. He had attended the Navy soccer camp and the coach had put in a word for Clayton with the Coast guard Academy soccer coach. And then it hit. He had Asthma as a child and when his medical report was red flagged he had to take another physical and an endurance test. He failed.

                We moved on from that and he enrolled in the local community college. This an option that many people push to the side for ego or status related prejudices, but I can assure you, these colleges, especially the one my son attended are a viable, valuable option. They also can save you a boat load of money to keep you and your family out of a huge college debt. His grades skyrocketed. I am not sure if he was humbled, I am not sure if he saw others there struggling and realized what a gift he had, or if he just figured out that it was time to get his butt in gear. When we walked about it, even he wasn’t sure what happened to flip the switch.

                 He has gotten numerous compliments were he has worked, and offers within the Country Club to advance and take other jobs. He has worked double shifts. He would caddy in the morning and then go right to work in the dining room after he was finished on the golf course. He showed a tremendous work ethic and made comments to us that showed he got the big picture. To say that I am proud of him would be a gross understatement.

               

                In the last year he has blossomed into an outstanding young man. His enthusiasm to get started on this new adventure was evident and supported fully by my wonderful wife and myself. It was time to go. He had new friends and different interest and as well as we got along you could see cracks started to form in the way we related to each other. As subtle as they were most of the time, they were clearly signs as to what was in Clayton’s best interest now and in the future.

                I was fine when we moved him in to the dorm and even as we said good bye at the car. Then as we drove away my wife turned to see him and the look on her face, and watching my son run up the steps to the dorm to catch a glimpse of us as we drove off hit me like a sledgehammer.

                 Holy crap. I started to have the same feelings that I had when my mother passed away three years ago this month. We were very close and I remember feeling these same thoughts now as I did then. I thought I was going to be the strong one for my wife and daughter, but as it turned out I was not much help in that area. For two days I moped around the house even going into his bedroom and sitting on his bed reflecting on the journey and process we had gone thought o get to this point. And I am here to tell you it wasn’t a pleasant time. But I realized that millions of parents had gone though this event and come out the other side o.k. but that was really lip service and didn’t help.AT ALL.

                Here’s what did help. It started last night as my wonderful daughter Molly asked if she could go to her high school and watch the varsity volleyball team play. She goes to an all girl’s school and is quite embedded in the journey there. This summer she has helped paint and redecorate a part of the school and went in early to help the new children coming to the school get acclimated to the surroundings, she has a big heart, just like her mother.

                This morning my daughter Molly started her senior year in high school. As we got started this morning, without Clayton, I saw the hope and anticipation in my daughter’s words and actions and it all started to get better for me. I realized that not only was this sadness I felt a natural response as I had been a stay at home dad for nine years after I retired from coaching, but that it was way more important to see this as a beginning for both of our children and to make sure I did not go out of my way to make this about me and my desire to keep our tight knit family together. This would only add negativity and guilt to a situation that was supposed to be a positive move for both our kids. It was time for both children to move on, spread their wings and fly. So today, the teacher was taught by the students.

                 It was not my job as a parent to be their friend as they grew up. And now, it was not my time to hold them back and lesson the thrill of their new adventure. I truly hope and pray that down the road as they start their own career and families that they will want to come back to see us, not feel an obligation to do so. Only time will tell.

                If we as parents had done our job properly this was the natural extension and conclusion to their upbringing on our home. We had taught them to be independent thinkers, thoughtful and compassionate people and to care for others as they do themselves. We stressed the importance of manners and a solid work ethic.

                 We wished for them a bright future and much happiness all the while explaining to them that life was not fair. They would see many things in their lives that they will question and hopefully we have helped them build a foundation of trust and honor that will serve them well now and in the future. We let them make mistakes as they grew up and provided them guidelines, and what I hope was wisdom to be able to decide and choose the path that best fits their dreams and ideals.

                I have said on many occasions when I speak to groups that in Psychology, there is one new case in ten million and this is not it when describing the problems facing youth sports and the people involved. It so important to let go and have the children learn at their own pace and time.

                 One of my favorite expressions is.”It’s not my job to determine, when, how, or even if the light goes on for those involved in youth sports, my job is to just keep flipping the switch.

                Clayton may your journey be filled with all the things life will brings you. It only then that you will be able to tell the difference from what is right and wrong for you. You will learn to embrace and appreciate the difference between selfishness and short sightedness and the need to be positive, think long term, and the importance of caring for others to give more that you receive. To Molly, well after this experience with your brother you can just stay at home with your mom and I FOREVER!!! (Just kidding….maybe)