Greg Norman

Over and over I hear from parents and coaches that winning for little kids is an important part of growing up. “Survival of the fittest”, “that is how life is”, “the kids want me to win”, “they need to learn about winning and losing at a young age”, “You were probably picked last for gym class”, and my favorite “V.J., you are mamby pamby about winning”.

 These statements are false, all of them.

What we believe in here at Frozen Shorts and teach every day is that winning is, as Nick Saban says, “a destination”, or as we say a result. How you get there, if you get there, does not, has not, and will not happen based on a  non scientific belief gleaned from watching sports on television, or going to a clinic, and applying it to children works long term for the kids. And that benching kids under the age of 10 teaches anything positive long term for children.

Greg Norman, at one time, the number 1 professional golfer in the world, was interviewed after a loss at the Masters Golf Tournament, where he blew a lead on the back nine on the final day of the tournament. His reaction, when asked about the loss was very telling. He said, “I try and put myself in a position on Sunday so that I am in contention to play for the championship.”

 Greg, considered one of the best to ever play golf, did not know how to win, no one does. He realized that the key was to embrace the journey. He knew that by staying in the moment, and being fundamentally sound, he could compete to the best of his ability, and gave himself the best chance for the long term victory.

 Bringing the whole team along, and giving them each repeated chances to play after they made mistakes, was paramount in getting us ready to play for the championship.  A short term victory was never assured unless we were playing a far inferior opponent, which I tried to avoid whenever I could.  Heck, I’d bench my mom in the last five minutes of a game if she wasn’t playing well and it wouldn’t bother me.

I wanted those kids to be so psyched to come play for me, because they knew they would all get a chance to play. They knew they would have fun. I knew engaging their minds as well as their bodies would allow them to help themselves and their teammates get better. If their minds weren’t engaged, their interest and what we were trying to accomplish, would wane. They would get bored, and not try their hardest, and that goes for ALL the kids, not just the stars.

The result or the destination was always on my mind. How could I get my team to play at their best at the best time of the year? To think that they could play at their best all season long is a pipe dream. You never know when suck is going to happen, and it happens to all of us at some appropriate time during a game or season, most seasons. We tried to get better every day.

That is how I have coached for the last 40 years. A meaningless win early in the season, where I would have to bench my lesser developed players (and note that we might not win the game even if I did that, which I never did) at the cost of splitting the team apart, was never worth it, ever.

A teacher, and that is what a true coach of children is at his or her core, not a game manager, does not spend more time with the kids who are getting “A’s” in the class than they do with the kids who need and want extra help.

Game after game, and I have watched well over 1,000 youth and high school games, I see coaches strutting around after a victory in their team “gear” looking for self adulation, all the while ignoring the kid on the bench who did not get to play and no longer wants to give his best effort. That kind of winning is not for me, you can have it.

The coaches, parents, and organizational egos were not in play for me. I wanted to win, not for my ego, but for the team’s long term success.  I knew there was a formula for this process. I honed and crafted this idea for 30 years as a coach and teacher.

I wrote a book about it, and put a put a name to it. We call it the Frozen Shorts learning method. It embraces long term athletic and academic development as the key to victory.

We believe strongly in balance and that the journey will reveal itself over time. Inter team completion, not specialization, or playing weaker opponents is a key to success. We learn so much more from failure than we do from cheap meaningless wins. That education then allows the children to build a base where adversity is just another building block, and that failure does not mean we are failing, but a chance to learn how to execute better as a team. Trying new things on their own, and the ensuing self discovery or internal realization is better than any intrinsic force a coach, parent, or organization can apply.

Only one team wins the last game of the season. I want my team, like Greg Norman says, to have a really good chance to play in that game. Then let’s see how the lessons learned during the journey play out in that crucial critical contest.

Now you have my attention.

Specialization ≠ Special Results

            I recently received a call from a coach who wanted to know how to deal with a parent. This parent was inquiring as to their son’s participation in an individualized and specialized coaching scenario after the season was over.

            Let me explain my opinion on this phenomenon of specialized coaching, and for that matter, participation in said coaching. An athlete can improve at his or her sport by not playing it. Yes, that seems outrageous, but it is true. Absence does make the heart grow fonder. Also, rest is a KEY component to a child’s health and long term athletic development. It is certainly a no more outrageous program than believing a parent pays a specialized coach to improve their child enough to get a D1 scholarship. While they may be able to get a small edge, is it worth the time, money, and stress added to the parent’s and athlete’s life? In my opinion, the straight forward answer is no. Unless of course it’s really just a status and ego thing, but I digress.

            If you send your child to a specialist you expect special results. When you take your child to a pediatrician and they recommend that you see a specialist in the area of your child’s discomfort, they are saying your child has a problem that requires specific, special treatment to get better. After seeing this specialist you expect special results that could not be attained by going to your regular physician. You feel a little tense that something is wrong with your child but you anticipate that going to the specialist will fix things. There is a latent, or in some cases blatant, need for immediate and substantial results.

The same applies to youth sports.

            Here is the kicker: when you send your child to a specialist in youth sports, first of all, the coach may not be so special. They may have a coaching certificate and may have experience in a certain sport at a level that gives them some status and the experience that you seek, but they may not be able to teach to the specific needs, if there are any, of your child. They may have been told by many people how great they are and started to believe it. They may also have such status that other parents and children brag about the advantages of going to them without legitimate results to back up their claims. They may just want to name drop and gain status. None of these scenarios are good for the athlete, and isn’t that what the goal is? If it’s not, it certainly should be.

            Sports are an art, plain and simple. Teaching those children how to play a sport or get better at a sport is also an art. It is not based solely on the pedigree of the teacher or the student. Your child may need rest just as much as training. They may need balance in their muscles. They may just need a break from what they are doing. They may not need a specialist at all, but a general anesthesia from the sport they are playing.

 That last sentence sure felt good to write, let me tell you. You want to have your child feel good too.

            So here’s what happens. A parent sends a child to a specialist and expects special results. The problem with this theory in youth sports is that there is nothing wrong with the child’s athletic performance to begin with so the visits are unnecessary. He or she just needs to have fun. They do not need the pressure associated with going to a specialist, pressure that originates from the knowledge that other kids went to this specialist and played better. How will they handle it if/when they do not perform at the next highest level of play?

 Money was spent, time was spent, status was displayed, and there is now pressure to justify the expenditure. They could get better results, in my opinion, by playing another sport, going to the library and reading, or just resting and doing yoga, than they would from going to a specialist.

            So I told these things to the coach, and said that he should tell the parent the facts and what it is he has learned as coach. If the parent still wants to send their child to a specialist, then it is their decision.

            Now let me explain that this coach gets it. He just finished his season and the parents sent him a letter stating that the kids had more fun playing for him than they had playing for anyone else, in any other sport. This varsity level high school coach has been in constant contact with me about the book I am writing on youth sports and has implemented many of the recommendations I have given him. In the consulting service I provide, I have conferred with and advised many players, coaches, and families about what they are doing in youth sports, and how they are doing it. The message is always the same. What is in the best interest of the athlete’s long term health, both physically and mentally? If you stay on that path, and keep the adult’s needs out of the equation, you will find the answer to the question.

             However, let me state that he had the ability and the answer to that question before hand as he had children who played youth sports growing up, and he questioned the results of their journey through youth sports. He wanted to get better, not for his own peace of mind, but for the long term best interests of the kids he was coaching. He was learning right along with the children, and that is the best coaching scenario.

In the end I told him he should tell the parent that he was very satisfied with their child’s level of play and participation on his team, which was true. I told him he should also tell the parent that the child would be better off playing another sport for fun, and to not go to the specialist. His goal for his team was to have fun, and the more fun they had the more they would improve. He is learning, as am I, and hopefully it transfers to his team, his work, and his life, so he can pay it forward to those around him. Because what we are doing is truly correct, it must be applicable to all walks and areas of a person’s life.

True change has to come from within and be intrinsic in nature. Children learn from internal realization, not extrinsic force.

 I can tell my son to pick up his room if he wants to use the car and go out with his friends or girlfriend. He will reluctantly do it. However, if I can teach him the benefits for doing it without me asking, he will be better off and have learned a life lesson. He will have less frustration, more free time, be able to find things easier, all while getting his father off his back.

 The same holds true with that parent. I wanted my friend to educate that parent, and explain the paradigm so that the parent could come to their own conclusion for the long term best interests of the child. Isn’t that truly what parents want for their children?

If you like what you read here, and would like to find out how you can integrate the Frozen Shorts way into your youth or high school sports experience, go to our website at www.frozenshorts.com/book-vj to find out how. You can book V.J. to speak to your group, do one on one consultations, or coach mentoring, at vj@frozenshorts.com

Adulting Kids

Here is my response to a coach’s complaint about my equal play for all kids pre puberty. He believes in shortening the bench in some cases for 10 year olds.

Let’s be clear here, just because something like this is being done doesn’t mean it is right and should keep being done. Have you followed our political elections and system lately? That doesn’t seem right to me at all!

Medical science says puberty changes everything, so anything before 13 should be about development, both mental and physical. You are only giving a child a head start to a race that does not exist. Also, why are you putting a value on their play? They are just children.

 85% of all people who lose their jobs except for massive layoffs lose them because they don’t get along with other employees. Let’s teach them life skills. 70% of these kids who play youth sports at the age of 10 are quitting by the time they are 13.  There are 2 to 8 times more injuries for children who play one sport year round.

 When did we start teaching to the few at the expense of many? So an answer is to keep doing more of this, this way? Why are we adulting kids? Let them play and have fun. I was told by a coach who did not play a child in a blow out championship game that the child told him it was the most fun he had. That was very sad to me. Wonder what he says 10 years from now?

 Just because they are getting drafted to an “elite” team or are on a prospect list doesn’t mean they are going to good at 18. Only about 10% of the kids who are the best at the age of 12 are the best at the age of 18. Let’s follow these kids and see where they end up 10 years from now! We have and the results are not pretty.

 Most colleges have 20 year old freshmen playing hockey. Where are these kids that were on the list back then when they were 10 years old? The human body doesn’t develop fully until 22.23.24 and mentally about 27 and 28. Why are we trying to microwave development when it should be slow cooked? PLAY FOR FUN!

There are only so many scholarships to DI programs in hockey *(18) and over 60 DI college hockey programs with 25 players on each roster. There are only 700 players in the NHL, however when you deduct the 60 goalies its only 640 skaters and 60 goalies,  I have yet to hear of a goalie leaving the net and playing forward in the NHL or a defenseman changing positions to play goal.

The average career life of a professional athlete is 4.3 years with an average salary of $80K.Only 1% of ALL the children that go to a 4 year college play at the DI level and half of the 1% play for free, so I ask you how is it even remotely possible that so many kids being drafted onto elite teams are making it?

The average DI scholarship is $10,780 a year, so the cost spent on playing travel youth sports is not made back by the people spending it in most cases. There are 77 times as many non athletic scholarships as there are athletic ones for college. 25% of the children going to college get some kind of non athletic financial aid while only 1% gets athletic financial aid.

Ryan Callahan, Brian Gionta, Wayne Wilson (NCAA DI coach of the year 2010), Terry Gurnett Women’s D3 Soccer coach of the decade, Dr. Mike Maloney nationally known Orthopedic Sports Surgeon and Director at URMC Medical Center, Dr. Tom McInerney President of the Academy of Pediatricians, Andy Duncan CEO of Orthopedics and Rehab at University of Florida, Corey McAdam All American basketball player at Nazareth college, Phil Steckley a Certified Athletic trainer, Sue Moak an Elementary Physical Education teacher for 10 years, Katie Spring an elementary Education teacher for 10 years, and a mother of two children who went through youth sport with her kids, myself, and many others are trying to put some medical facts behind the decisions made for children playing youth sports.

They ALL agree that it should be equal play for kids’ pre puberty. They all agree that we should be not specializing in one sport for our kids and we should be ramping down the pressure on these kids.

It is unhealthy for a child, and these are children, not mini adults or micro professional athletes attached to adults personal joy sticks, to play for anything but fun prepuberty. 3.5 MILLION Kids went to the hospital last year for overuse injuries in the USA. $1.2 billion was spent on overuse injuries to kids.

Go to my website frozenshorts.com and watch video after video from many experts in their field and you will see that parents, children, and organizations are chasing a dream that is equivalent to chasing the lottery for success.

The farther you go up the ladder the better teammate you have to be. Then there is luck and timing. These children are going to be adults for the next 50 years of their lives and how are they going to react with this hangover when things don’t work out.

I’m a huge believer in choice but let’s make sure we have all the facts before we make choices for our children that are going to shape and impact their lives for the next 50 years.

As a college hockey coach for 21 years I can tell you and Wayne Wilson will agree, that there are no more hidden talents. If you are good college coaches will find you. It’s 80% of our job.

Only 20% of the coaches have any kind of formal training in youth sports and yet somehow they and the parents are deciding what is best for the children? They are learning coaching techniques by watching D 1 and professional level coaches’ coach. There is no correlation to the way those professional coaches coach to the way you should be coaching kids.

 The same people that have $$ invested or are making $$ and status on the journey through childhood playing youth and high school sports are the ones calling the shots?

 I see this as a conflict of interest.

As a parent, have you witnessed your older sibling fighting with a younger sibling? Have you seen the older one take something away from the younger one? We need to teach them how to get along better with a sense of community. The competitiveness is already there.

8 year olds

8 year olds

I was involved in an interesting conversation recently that I wanted to share with you. If you have been following my posts, you know that I believe children, especially the young ones, need time to develop in a safe, positive, and nurturing environment. (And so do Pediatricians) We here at Frozen Shorts believe that children under the age of 12 should not keep score all the time, or get trophies. Let them play for fun. The competition will come naturally if patience is applied and rewarded. There is a mountain of medical and psychological evidence to back this up that says free play is a great and needed way for children to develop both mentally and physically.

Children learn by internal realization, not external force. By stressing winning and keeping score, adults put the cart before the horse, and eventually, the hoarse gets tired and quits.

This guy I was talking with, along with others, was insistent that kids wanted to keep score, needed to keep score, and that was enough justification to keep score. He cited the fact that kids he coached new the score days and even weeks after they played a game. Another guy chipped in that I obviously knew nothing about children, even though I have coached, mentored, and worked with well over 5,000 of them. The first guy made some great points about parents butting in, and putting too much stress on kids, but he wouldn’t let the score thing go.

No matter what I said to this man, he would not change his stance.

Now let me be clear. We are talking about second graders. If you have been in a second grade classroom and taught, as I have, and my wife is teaching now, you would know getting them to stand together in line is an accomplishment. Now I have run into some children who do want to keep score, in my experience, they do not do it in a positive way. They Lord it over the other kids, as do some of their parents. It is not healthy or productive.

When I mentioned pickup games he said that he always wanted to have the best player on his team. Where I grew up we always wanted the teams to be equal so the competition became the goal not the score. In basketball we kept score because the winner stayed in and played the next game. But I couldn’t tell you what the score was in any of these games. We just tried harder because we wanted to keep playing as did the other team. If there were only 6 of us we just played winners out.

Here is a quote from him “Cause even at 8-10 years old losing sucks.”  In my experience, kids pick their friends to be on their teams. 10 minutes after a game is done, if parents aren’t butting in and reminding them of the score, how they played, and why they sucked, the kids forget all about the game, as they have for generations before them.

I say this repeatedly. Take the age group you are coaching and take the kids out of this adult orientated structured pay for play and put them in a classroom setting of age appropriate learning where they are interested in the subject being taught to them. See what they think is important, how they learn, what they want to do to get better, and how they are taught. You will find it has nothing to do with the score of a test unless they are constantly reminded about the upcoming test.

Amada Visek, an assistant professor in the department of exercise science, recently conducted a study of 1,000 children. She found “winning” ranked 48^th amongst the children as a reason they played youth sports. What did the kids value most? The top three were good sportsmanship, trying hard, and positive coaching.

As I have said many times before, no one knows how to win. No one knows how to teach winning. And no one really knows what winning means.

Play for fun!!!

The Science, Psychology, and data of youth sports injury prevention

The Science, Psychology, and data of youth sports injury prevention

Frozen Shorts (For all the kids who sit on the bench needlessly freezing their butts off) is a youth sports and high school injury prevention company. We use Science instead of tradition, Psychology instead of theory, and data instead of hunches to forge a new youth and high school sports journey for the children playing, the adults coaching, and the organizations looking to increase participation.

 With 70% of all children quitting playing youth sports before the age of 13, V.J. and his company have developed a new paradigm. This new journey for the children is cheaper, the children get better faster, and they have more fun.  He stresses balance over specialization citing that the more creative kids are the more permanent the physical and athletic skills they develop will be.

His model is very competitive and stresses the fact that children are not mini adults and not micro professional athletes and must learn technical skills as well as life lessons at age appropriate levels. By having fun the negative stress levels are lessened.

 His belief that children learn more from intrinsic realization instead of extrinsic force allows him to apply his paradigm for children in all activities. His holistic organic approach is gaining momentum as VJ has been interviewed all over the United States and parts of Canada.

His quote “It’s not my goal to decide when, how, or if the light goes on. My job is to just keep flipping the switch” resonates to children and adults confused and frustrated over the current paradigm.

V.J. Stanley, President

vj@frozenshorts.com

585-743-1020

@VJJStanley

Letter of Intent

Letter of Intent:

On national signing day, hundreds of children sign 2 letters to commit to a D1, II, or III college to continue to play the sport they love. I am very pleased that so many young athletes are getting a chance to play their sport at the Division 1 level. It is a great opportunity that only about 2% of all the kids who attend a 4 year college get to experience. Even fewer of those children get to go to their chosen college at the Division I level, about 1% and even fewer, 1/2 of 1% get to play for free.

But the sobering fact is that this pursuit has gotten way out of hand. Let’s look at some facts as it relates to this race for athletic scholarships.

Basketball (13) and football (85) for boys, and gymnastics (12), volleyball (12), tennis (8), and basketball (15) for girls are referred to as “head count” sports and those children receive a full scholarship or nothing at all. Colleges do not have to fully fund their total allotment of athletic scholarships each year. For the most part, each year, each coach decides whether to renew the athlete’s scholarship for the next year. The average grant, even including the head count sports for ALL DI athletic scholarships is about $10,780a year.

 However, most athletic scholarships to the Division 1 level are partial scholarships going to athletes who participate in what is categorized as equivalency sports. What is not commonly known is that most of the other sports give out partial athletic scholarships. Let’s take a look at lacrosse. Men’s Lax has 12.6 athletic scholarships per team and 57 colleges play at the D1 level, with about 35 guys on the roster. Women’s lax has a total 83 colleges playing at the D1 level, and a total of 12 athletic scholarships for each team and about 30 on each roster. The average for these sports is anywhere from $2,000 to $8,000 a year. This grant, for most athletes, is renewed every July. That is right; there are very few multiyear athletic scholarships.

It has been brought to my attention that I am trying to “upset the apple cart” and taking away from these kids accomplishment. Simply not true. What we do at Frozen Shorts, is present the facts. We are huge believers in choice. We say play for fun, and if something happens, great. But do not count on it. Enjoy the journey. You will play better this way, and we can prove it. But if you are going to make an educated choice, you should “have all the facts” as my late great father used to say.

Many families believe that the elusive D1 athletic scholarship is well within their reach. They spend freely for their child’s athletic journey. These parents  get quite upset when it is mentioned that most of the kids don’t get a full ride and the parents have paid way more $ during the journey, about 99% of them, than they will ever receive from colleges for their child’s athletic play. Interestingly, as I ask more and more parents what their total athletic scholarship dollar amount is for their child, they refuse to answer. The myth is perpetuated. I wonder why they refuse to answer.

Why is this a problem? Children are being pushed by parents, coaches, and organizations to compete and train for longer hours than they should. The children themselves buy into the program and put more pressure on themselves to excel. The ensuing negative stress that builds up in their bodies and minds is not healthy for them, now and in their long term future.

Families see a child signing a letter of intent and feel that with the extra amount of training and elite team participation they can achieve the D1 scholarship and the ensuing status and ego boost and encompassed with that process.

But along the way, kids are getting hurt in record numbers. 3,000 kids a day to go to hospitals with youth and high school sports injuries every day.  Last year alone, $1.25 BILLION was spent on overuse injuries for children, with 40% of these injuries occurring to children under the age of 15.The mental and physical stress on these children has long lasting consequences. The stress, angst, and tiredness during this journey has many children quitting before they even reach the age of 13.

Lots of kids just want to play with their friends and have fun. Many of these children now see youth sports as a stress filled environment without the essential ingredients of childhood such as creativity, fun, positive life lessons, and safe and fair completion.

For most kids and families it is simply a race that does not exist.

Inner City Fun

Frozenshorts was active again in the youth sports this month. This time it was working with urban children in a semi tournament environment. Children were brought together for academics and athletics to help prepare them and give them a head start towards high school. These mostly eighth graders were formed into teams for different sports including, baseball, soccer, basketball, and touch football.

                This program has been around for quite some time and really has shown a benefit to the children and the community. The children study academics in the morning which include Social Studies, English and Math. After that they had lunch and participated in some activities before having some free time to play in an open gym environment.

                The Social Studies class I taught took a decidedly different twist as to what the children were going to study. We started out with a short movie about the declaration of independence, move on to the Civil War. We connected both of those events to Frederick Douglas, the Civil Rights movement in the 1960’s, The Viet Nam War, and finally this year’s Presidential Election.

They had a debate over the North and South in the Civil War and also a Presidential debate which they then presented to the rest of the children in the other Social Studies class in the form of a campaign speech. We then held a general election on the last day of class.

                The children made up a list of ten things that they thought were important about the Declaration of Independence and the people who signed them. The list was covered up and then with each subsequent event in American History, we went back and found how those things the children put up on their lists were still relevant to each new event.

                You see it was the journey that was important. How was civil disobedience manifested, and in what form throughout the history of the United Sates? How could they learn from these events and apply the ideas and thoughts they had on their lists to their life today. How important it was to listen to what others had to say and try to understand their point of view if not necessarily agreeing with them.

                Now for the sports parts. Because of the interviews I have been doing with athletes and coaches I was unable to attend some of the sporting events. When I did I was mostly and observer. I wanted to watch and see what was happening.

                Here goes. In the basketball tournament I was observing a lot of coaching of the players. It seemed the coaches were being quite competitive for the games and some kids, unfortunately were not getting a lot of playing time. A coach yelled at a player to “get his head into the game” while another said to kids “you’re embarrassing yourselves out there.”

                One coach, however, made a list of all his players and the substitution pattern so that each kid got equal playing time.

                 We had a young man on our team who was a ball hog. He was “High Stepping” while he dribbled and was causing quite a bit of consternation with the head coach and the other players on the team. He would get yelled at, but continued to play and individual style of play. Finally I pulled him aside . I told him that it did not look like he was having much fun, nor were his teammates. There seemed to be stress and angst everywhere on the court and sidelines. I suggested to him a solution to his problem. Why didn’t he pass the ball to the other players and get them involved. While the other team was guarding the guy with the ball, he could run free to get open and use his speed to create an opening in the defense and to create a little confusion. He looked at me a little funny but agreed to try it. The first time he passed the ball the other player wasn’t ready to receive it. Why, because he was not used to this young man passing the ball unless he was blocked or guarded to closely to continue to dribble.

He gave me a look on the sideline as if to say, “See, that’s why I don’t pass.” I calmly told him to relax and to tell another boy that he would be passing him the ball the next time he got it. Things started to click. On the last play of the game this young man passed the ball and broke for the basket, along home run passed nestled cleanly into his hands and he put up the winning shot.

                In our homeroom on the last day of class I asked this man what he had learned and he said teamwork was  fun, the team played better, and he enjoyed playing basketball now instead of it being so difficult.

                During the football tournament, things did not go so smoothly. We did not have a true quarterback and had to take out lumps. I suggested to our head coach that he give one of the players a try at the position as he was throwing the ball well during open gym. The kid was a little nervous and at first said he did not want to do it. In the next game he changed his mind and gave it a try. In the very first series of downs on the very first play, he threw an interception and you could see he did not want to try that again. However he did catch the game winning ball in the end zone and lit up like a Christmas tree.

Another boy was given a chance to quarterback. He panicked and dropped the ball. However in the last series of downs he made an interception to end the other teams’ final drive.

The last boy to quarterback certainly had the talent. He complained though that receivers weren’t getting open and that they were not catching the ball when it was thrown to them. I pulled him aside ad quietly suggested that he tell the guys to look quickly for a pass when they left the line of scrimmage.  First pass incomplete, and then it started. Three touchdown drives in a row.  Quick short passes to different kids with smiles all around. After the game he came over to me and smiled. I asked if he had fun, it was not the question he thought I was going to ask. He said “yes”, I said” good.”

                At the end of the school semester I gathered three of the young men around me and asked them if when they take a test in school if the teacher stood over them yelling instructions to them and telling them what to do? All three shook their heads no. I then asked why then should coaches do it to them during a game or practice? All three looked at each other and then one said to me, “I never thought of it that way.”

                There are now five athletes who are going to play youth sports differently than they would have before they were shown the Frozen Shorts way. We take baby steps, little baby steps, but those five guys, and maybe not all five, will now have a clear vision on how important it is to have fun when they play youth sports. And they will show others the way, and so forth and so on….and so it goes.

Simon Says Long Term Sub Part III

Two weeks into my tenure I noticed that there were children missing classes on Friday and these same children were coming in on Monday tired. I went up to see the Assistant to the Head Master for the Middle School and asked her if she too noticed this phenomenon. (Another great child loving lady who was very thoughtful and helpful to me during this time) She said some of the kids were going to play with their elite club sports teams over the weekend and that they had seen this happening for a few years now.

I had heard of this happening at many schools I had visited, but this was the first time I had seen it up close. Boy did the kids look tired and stressed before they left and after they got back. Did not seem like fun to me. But there was another problem I had to cope with, so I generated what I thought was a single workable solution to both problems.

This school had adopted block scheduling for their classes on certain days. What this means is the children would have a double session, or two classes of the same class in a row. I noticed that the kids were having a hard time staying focused during the entire hour and fifteen minutes of class. Combined with the kids who were playing for their club team, I needed to reenergize the minds of these children.

I called the teacher I was substituting for and asked her if I could introduce a new concept in class. It’s called “Simon Says.” She loved it! I believed that the more active the children in the classroom the better they could engage their minds, and thus would be more attentive to learn. Exercise is fuel for the brain. The brain is a muscle; let’s exercise it along with physical movement.

 I am my father’s son and I am my brother’s brother. No matter how you arrange this, it is always true. It’s called a reciprocal truth.

They had to earn this “play time.” I explained to them I needed thoughtful participation, positive reinforcement to the other students when they answered questions, no criticizing wrong answers, and paying attention. They got it.

 With all the testing going on even in Physical Education class, I thought let's go a different route. I modeled the game for them.  We did a couple of sessions and immediately the kids were engaged. After a couple of times with me leading it, I asked if anyone would like to try it. Many hands went up in the class.

The kids then took over with me sitting 

The Four Horsemen of the youth sports apoalypse

The Four Horsemen of the Youth Sports Apocalypse:

This next series of essays will be in four parts, not including today’s essay.  Each part will detail what I believe to be the four parts of youth sports that have contributed greatly to the present day scenario that most experts agree is in need of a tremendous overhaul.

 My company, Frozen Shorts, works daily to initiate this change, all the while giving the reasons why the change has to implemented, and the positive results of this change. One of our sayings is “baby steps,” as this problem did not appear overnight, nor will it be cured with any quick fix solution.

 We believe strongly that the education of everyone involved in youth sports is vital to positive change. We give lectures, write blogs, present workshops, mentor coaches, and speak to organizations of all kinds, not just those involved in youth sports. We also do one-on-one consulting with families and athletes to initiate this change.

But this change must be intrinsic in nature to have any long lasting meaningful effect.

The four parts of the youth sports Apocalypse are college athletic scholarships, Division I and Professional sports on television, “elite” travel sports and the parents and coaches involved in them, and finally, injuries and mental health.

These four parts are intertwined and have grown into such a massive force that many people, both inside and outside youth sports, believe that it cannot be changed, corrected, or even slowed down. It has been referred to me on many occasions as a new social phenomenon, much like cell phones, Facebook, or texting. My reply is always the same: It is not a social phenomenon, but rather a man made disease.

However, a growing concern by the many people I have talked to, interviewed, and read about in increasing numbers are engaging in dialogue and action fueled by a desire to give children, families, and yes, even adults involved in youth sports a better way, a more fun way, to understand and enjoy youth sports and life.

Over the past thirty years I have kept all of my notes while coaching high school, college, and youth sports. While my children were growing up I also wrote down notes detailing my observations of youth sports, and after they were done participating, I continued to go out to youth and high school sports events. On my website frozenshorts.com you can see weekly essays and videotaped interviews with high school, college, and professional athletes as well as coaches, Doctors, Certified Athletic Trainers, children, and parents.

 As many of you know I have taken those notes and turned them into a book about youth sports entitled Stop The Tsunami in Youth Sports: Achieving Balanced Excellence and Health While Embracing the Value of Play For Fun. The book was written in long hand and then typed into a manuscript by my wonderful wife Kathleen. Who knew you could type a manuscript? Obviously, everyone but me!

Next week: Division 1 athletic scholarships

Part II of the Youth Sports Apocalypse

Division I and professional sports on television have a tremendous influence on youth sports and high school athletes. They also have a remarkable effect on coaches coaching youth and high school sports. This influence can be seen in every game and many practices.

 Now to be fair and clear, this influence has been reflected in youth and high school sports since sports first appeared on television. Heck, you can even go before that when most of a fan’s exposure to pro and Division I sports was from actually going to watch a game in person.

But today’s influence has been ramped up and super sized to the extent to where I have seen performances that make me shake my head in disbelief and wonder if this phenomenon can be slowed down and put back in perspective.

First let me go through an example of two sports:  soccer and basketball. Now I could go through the others but you will see the picture clearly, I hope, from just these two examples.

Soccer:  I went to a varsity soccer game. The winning team was up by 4 goals with ten minutes remaining in the game. There was no way the losing team was going to catch up. So what happened when the winning coach starting to substitute his “bench” players? (I despise that terminology.) The losing coach saw the substitution, how could he miss it, it happened right next to him, and decided NOT to substitute. With THREE minutes left in the game he had five of his subs start to warm up by doing what I believe to be the most ridiculous “preparation” to enter a game in all of youth and high school sports. With one minute left he subbed them in. I asked the coach after the game about this and he said, “They don’t play hard in practice so why should I worry about their playing time in a game.” So, I said, “They won’t practice hard if they don’t think they can get into a game; and I don’t mean a couple of minutes at the end of the game! He said,”They only sub three guys in a game in the pros!”

This coach is limiting competition. This is just another form of entitlement. I went to four of his games and for the 320 minutes of soccer I watched, I saw them complete four passes in a row ONCE! He did not sub more than three kids in a half, and only subbed more than six once. Does he really think that the other guys sitting on the bench needlessly could not do this poorly?  Oh, by the way they scored 6 goals in those four games.

You want to know why  kids are quitting youth and high school sports. Here it is. It is no fun when you don’t get to play. NO ONE gets better sitting on the bench.

If I could I would have “on the fly” substitutions in youth and high school soccer, just like hockey. I would have a 5x10 foot box in front of the bench and have kids hand off a “pinney” to each other as they came in and out of the game.

Basketball: I followed a varsity high school basketball team for four games. I really only needed one game to figure things out, but I wanted to be sure, and I like watching sports. The coach was constantly calling out plays, just like in DI and the pros. (To be clear I have seen this done as low as sixth graders). He would yell Georgetown, Kentucky, and other major Division I colleges as a code for them to run a play. So I started charting these plays to see how often they were successful. I also wondered why each play was called. After all, in DI and the pros there is a reason for who plays with whom and what play is called.

 I started to watch the players on the bench. By the second half they were totally disinterested. Why should they care, they were not going to get to play. The coach told me they were “role” players and they were satisfied with their roles to “help the starters get better.” So I talked to the players and asked them. They were not happy.

As I asked one player, “What do you think of having to know math to participate at the varsity level of high school basketball?” He smiled and nodded. You see he knew exactly what I was talking about. These kids that sit on the bench know that he had subtracted or added the score of the game by either how much they were ahead or behind. Then he had to divide that by the coaches’ ego, the amount of subs sitting next to him, and the time left on the clock to figure out what were his chances of getting into the game.

The solution is simple. It’s just not easy to implement. It takes a true commitment by adults to give youth and high school sports back to the kids.

There is absolutely NO correlation between DI, pro sports, and high school and youth sports for 99% of the children, organizations, schools.

 Make the healthy choice. Equal play pre puberty and play by performance post puberty, Junior Varsity and up.

Sweden which sends more professional athletes per capita than any country in the world does not make cuts until the children are 17

Play a lot of kids, and keep playing a lot of kids. Inter team competition is the best way to coach. Every one runs faster when they are being chased.

There is not that big of difference in the guy who you think is your best player and the last guy on the roster. The more you play one child and the less you play the other child, the less chance you have of your team building the competitive chemistry needed to be a really good team and the removal of entitlement as a coaching tool.

Simon says: Long Term Sub Part II

 I have read studies where teachers have commented about children’s lack of hand strength. We would incorporate the physical and the mental for the balance needed to learn and grow long term.

I wanted to teach them balance and the importance of the journey. The kids loved the change, and embraced the new learning technique. It was a fun thing to do. They were engaged. We had a base for growth. Let’s play.

When I was doing just a day long sub I used to tell the kids:  "Give me 35 minutes of work and I will reward you with 5 minutes of free time at the end of class."  This paradigm served me well, but as always, there are some things that just do not go as planned and you have to adjust on the fly. But as their trust in my ways grew, more and more kids wanted to embrace this paradigm. Some even commenting, “Mr. Stanley we want to learn.” "Mr. Stanley, we believe you.” “Mr. Stanley, this is good.”

 There was a saying I thought up for the kids and related it to the children at the beginning of my first class. After a while kids requested it from me at the beginning of class. Children have an innate desire to learn and grow. I just add the fuel. Here is the saying.

“I’m a huge believer in choice. I can’t force you to study nor do I want to. But I can and will create an atmosphere in this classroom for those children who want to study and learn, can do so in peace and quiet. The deck is stacked, the game is rigged. I’m going to win. I’ve seen me do it. It’s not my job to decide when, how, or even if the educational light goes on for you, my goal is to just keep flipping the switch.”

I also taught them a handshake. It is the same handshake I taught my players and other students. It’s called “The peace of mind is victory” handshake. You take the first two fingers in your right hand and make the “V” for victory sign palm up. The other person does the same thing palm down. You then slide your fingers over their fingers in a quick snap motion. Kids like it.

Simon Says Long term Sub Part I

Simon Says: Long Term Sub

Last spring a very good friend of mine had to go into the hospital for surgery. She was going to be out for six weeks. She is a fantastic seventh grade Biology teacher. I was very pleased when she asked me to teach her class while she was away.

  When both the teacher and the student learn at the same time, that is when true creative education happens, and I knew this would be the case in this classroom with these students.

 My major degree is in History, with minor degrees in Philosophy and Psychology, as well as a Masters in Education. I have always believed that if you can teach, you can teach basic fundamentals, and the joy of learning. When that environment exists, you can teach just about anything.

 (The same holds true for coaching.) Nurturing this desire to learn in children is an art. Or as my late great father used to say:  "teach them the yearn to learn."

I wanted to engage them in the process, and test their ability and desire to improve, without them knowing it. How could I get them to enjoy thinking and learning without knowing that was what I was going to teach them?

So, I devised a plan.

The first thing I wrote on the board was: “It’s all about the journey.” I left that up on the board the whole six weeks and we ALL referred to it often. Underneath it I wrote “Trust.” I wanted to earn their trust. Trust is reciprocal. Respect might come, but trust is essential for growth, community, and compassion. Underneath that:  "Be positive." It’s easy to go negative.

Cursive writing is not a big thing with children these days so I thought I would have them each sign their study “packets” with their opposite writing hand. They added one letter each time they were in my class to the first letter of their name. It showed them their progression each time they added a letter, and then finally when they wrote their whole name.

An open letter to the youth and high school sports world Part II

But we are not here to copy, imitate, or even try to better what has already been done. I doubt I would have come up with this paradigm and put it into practice coaching over the last 30 years in the youth, high school, and college level if I had accepted the status quo from the beginning.

 I can certainly see where people have their doubts about us, and our programs. They just don’t see what we are doing clearly, because it has always been done this way for them, to them, and with them, over the last 30 years. In reality this time in their exposure to youth and high school sports is only a micro second or a nano second in the history of the world.

 People seem to be having more doubts about their own journey and goals while participating in youth and high school sports than they used to. That is why they have so much angst and resist change all at the same time.

 But there is a growing undercurrent and sentiment amongst players, coaches, parents, and organizations, that this paradigm is flawed and there has to be a better way. We have a different model and I have been successful with it in business, with my family, my personal life, teaching in the classroom, and with coaching. Let me be clear here, I have made a tremendous amount of mistakes along the way. I drank lots of “Kool-aid.” What I have learned, I try and share. It’s about the journey and balanced excellence, not immediacy and specialization. Show the kids how much fun an activity can be and they will beat a path to your door.

Whether it be the guy sitting on his front porch inventing the blues, the Cotton Gin, Herb Brooks putting a team together different than has been done before, or Bill Gates going into a garage with an idea, snowboarding, the internet, Columbus sailing to a new world, true societal change has come through visionaries willing to accept the risks involved with going against accepted principles, because it was clear to them time had come for a change. Someone next to them, above them, or beside them who just happened to come along at just the right time and said, we believe, we have faith in you and trust that this is the new way. They had faith. Their approach and ours too embraces risk, freedom, and reward.

 Now I am not saying I am like them, they are legendary. But there is a parallel. There is a familiar concept we share. This way is not working. Let’s look at an entirely different way to do things.

Our paradigm can be summed up with this example. No one knows how to win a game in sports and we can prove it. Yet, we as society anoint winners and therefore losers all the time while not knowing how to win, how to teach it, and what winning really means to those who watch, coach and play sports. That is a recipe for an emotional firecracker. That is why we believe in staying in the moment, being a great teammate, equal play for children under 12,play by performance for the older kids,  sportsmanship, and life skills, balanced with multiple activities and academics,

The fee I charge doesn’t cover the cost of what I do, but it’s not why I do it. It’s the next door it opens, the next idea it puts in my brain, the next person I see get it. Real payment comes in the joy on the children’s faces when they are given the freedom to fail and succeed in a safe positive environment. That’s what drives me.

 Children learn from internal realization not external force.  My mentor has said it’s going to take five years for our paradigm to be an overnight success. We will see. People, who have doubted our program he says, will jump on the bandwagon when it starts to roll. I certainly hope so.

Our mission is based on a holistic organic approach to children’s long term physical and mental well being. Short term always has a cost. I am continually asking people who resist our paradigm, “What is it you are defending?” If you are so unhappy with this journey why not try something different? It’s not our goal to decide when, how, or even if the light goes on. Our job is to just keep flipping the switch.

You see, I am just the messenger the truth was already there.

An open letter to the youth and high school sports world, Part 1

An open letter to the youth and high school sports world,

 Our company is named Frozen Shorts, for all the kids who sit on the bench needlessly, appreciates the opportunity to speak with you about our program and paradigm. (F.S.L.M.) Our services include seminars, workshops, in season mentoring services for coaches, and one on one family and player consulting. We have been asked about putting a certification program together, and we are always open to looking at new ways to do things.

Certification has been happening for a while now. Whether it is a national program, the NYS initiative, or the one this guy is thinking of forming in Los Angeles, they all bring needed information to the process. Keep sprinkling the ground with seeds, keep educating. I’m all for it. But the problem still grows. I am not completely sold on certification. I have been to numerous certification programs and have learned a lot. I still think the classroom is a good start.

 But what we do, by actually going out on the field, court, or rink, and working one on one with these coaches, after our orientation program, or our family and individual player consulting services, seems to be having the most impact. We do workshops, presentations to churches, Pediatricians, Hospitals, Rotarians; youth sports groups, churches, elementary schools, Middle schools, high schools, colleges, and national organizations of surgeons, and USA Hockey. I really enjoy seeing the results, and the “light” goes on when we mentor a coach or program.  Watching that individual take what they have learned and teach and or model it to others and see it continuing to grow is truly rewarding.

We are trying to change a culture. People believe in the win now, play one sport year round at the elite level model, and all its imagery and status. The chase for the extremely elusive almighty athletic scholarship powers this justification and entitlement to behave and train in a certain myopic way. But it truly is a race that doesn’t exist when you have all the facts.

 We feel we have a deep understanding of the problem, the ability and desire to learn more, and the time it will take to accomplish our goals, along with many others to change this culture.

 There is a mental and physical epidemic inherent in this culture that has been cultivated and nourished by television, organizations, mega contracts and people profiting from its existence and enhancement. The culture can and is being measured, analyzed, debated, and changed even as the problem grows.

Type II diabetes is on the rise and obesity has quadrupled over the last twenty years. More kids are playing video games than youth sports, and they are not just gamers. Even the kids playing sports are getting hurt in epic proportions. $2.5 billion was spent last year on youth and high school sports injuries and $1.25 billion was spent on overuse injuries. 40% of that money was spent on kids under the age of 14.  Of those kids who play, 70% are quitting by the age of 13.So I ask parents, coaches, athletes, and organizations all the time,” how is your way working for you?”

F.S.L.M. part II Rental cars

Watching these kids burn out, get injured, or just quit over the past 20 years has allowed the accumulation of data that supports letting kids be kids. It’s been this way for centuries! (And it worked!)

It’s like loading up a new rental  car for a trip, adding a trailer, and six people to go on a trip. Sure , you are going to get there most of the time, but the engine has been maxed out and worn, The transmission, shocks, struts, tires, will all be worn. It’s the reason people are hesitant to buy rental cars. The thinking is they were driven hard and fast at an early age and are going to breakdown or need a lot of maintenance soon.

We believe in ramping up the completion aspect by using the play by performance model when the kids are 15 and 16 years old. At this time, their bodies and minds have developed to the point where their creativity, learned from an early age where mistakes were not confused with failure, and playing time was distributed equally so that the skill level of ALL was improved and therefore the end result was a larger group of better athletes.

THEN, and only them should they pick one sport and specialize. The completion will be better and more advanced as skill and coping have been taught through repetition, trial and error. These children will be able to compete at a higher level, because their foundation has been set with a program that allows them to be children first and foremost.

Now you have my attention for real truly high level competition, not entitlement.

F.S.L.M. Competitive Paradigm Part I

 F.S.L.M. Competitive Paradigm

I was speaking with a person in youth sports, and it doesn’t matter what sport it is, about our paradigm. He was saying that it seemed like we were not encouraging competition at the higher levels.

Let me state for the record: The Frozen Shorts Learning Method (F.S.L.M.) is a very competitive model for children’s long term athletic and cognitive development. I have used this method for all age groups and travel programs for over 30 years with great success. There is a process that should be followed to get to a high level of competition based on Science, Psychology, and data, not “tradition,” theory, and hunches.

(This current tradition is only about 40 years old)

We disagree with the current model on many levels. With obesity on the rise, Type II diabetes becoming more prevalent in our children, and kids quitting youth sports at an alarming rate, I am bemused by the forces defending the current paradigm model. The solution is simple, it is just not easy. It is a holistic and organic approach to childhood development.

The more fun you have, the more you will want to do that event. The more relaxed you are, the better you will be able to perform. The better you perform, the better the ensuing competition. This takes time, lots of time.

We want competition. We think completion is a good thing. True inclusive competition at the highest levels will only become a reality when a significant fundamental base is established that embraces the fact that they are children, and not mini adults, and not micro professional athletes. Children are not remote controlled objects attached to adult’s personal joy sticks and status mechanisms.

My son as a Kindergartner was not half a 6^th grader, and when he was in 6^th grade he was not half a senior in high school or a 12^th grader. There was a process that that whole time continuum was sometimes he progressed quickly and sometimes he did not.

What we don’t want is winning and losing getting in the way of a Childs learning and growth curve, and that is what is happening on many fronts. Winning and losing are being used as an excuse for entitlement. Coaches are going to play the “best” so we can win today. We want the pool of talent to be bigger, longer, that ensures real competition when it matters.

Over the last 3 decades that I have been involved in youth, high school, and college sports, I have seen a remarkable transformation in the athletic model at all levels. Let me explain.

At the youngest level, and I am talking about 6, 7, and 8 year olds, I am seeing All Star travel teams. There is no medical data that supports this as a healthy program for six, seven, and eight year olds. On the other hand, there is plenty of Psychologists, teachers, and Doctors who state that the cognitive ability of these children to understand what they are being told to do on an athletic field, rink, or court is not up to the level they are being pushed to execute. We say, let them have fun. The more fun they have the better they will play.

Their self worth is being tied to an extrinsic force based on small myopic sample of their athletic ability instead of an internal realization of life lessons. This culture is ripe for stress and angst.

 Ever seen an older sibling take a ball away from a younger sibling? Watch the process that goes on. Now watch what happens when you step in and explain to both kids how playing together will help them both. See the interaction between them. Changes as your guidance gives them the necessary tools to cope and learn.

Yes, sometimes it does not go well and the older child just bullies his or her way. But that is where the parenting or coaching guidance comes in. Convincing them both to help each other, initiates a process more conducive to mutual growth, and growth is what leads to excellence. We believe in the power of inclusion, not the specialization of exclusion.

Take the example of an 8 year old soccer player. He or she is way ahead of the other kids. He or she can do things with the ball that the others can’t. People see this and start to anoint him or her as the next star. But what isn’t seen or talked about is the 8 year olds cognitive ability to handle this needless outside pressure. They are encouraged by extra playing time or status to believe they are better than the other kids. When, actually, they just have a head start in a race that doesn’t exist.

Only about 10% of all the kids that are considered the best at that age are still the best at 18. In many cases the natural progression of a child’s development is fast forwarded and causes long term physical and mental harm to the child because they are doing too much too soon.

 Sometimes, they are just closest to the cutoff date for their age group and have a 10 month age differential fueling that difference or advantage. Sometimes they have a little more advanced eye hand coordination at an early age from a genetic gift. BUT they are still just kids.

Today's thoughts Fun, Fat and Stress

In our book Stop the Tsunami in Youth Sports we try and explain why Kids are quitting youth sports and the correalation to obesity and Type II diabetes.FUN, it is essential for kids to be creative and play. When that is taken away by adults you have a whole new generation that can equate activity and play with stress. thats why they walk away, and most never run back.

Play for fun with balanced excellence.Its so much easier to be active with someone than by yourself. Free play in parks with friends, pick up games with friends, and made up games with friends of ALL levels of talent and ability welcome are great. BUt an underlying problem is that we are bombarded with winning and being the best as an individual. It tears apart our sense of community which could be an essential part of a healthy life style. I dont want to be yelled at.If we are having fun together, we willl all feel good together, and for each other, in a positive way.We are having fun without stress.

Ray Rice et al

Ray Rice et al:

Let me first start out by saying that with Ravens releasing him from their squad and the NFL suspending him indefinitely after the release of the elevator video, a clear statement has been sent. This kind of completely unacceptable behavior will finally, at least in this league, at this level of professional sports, will no longer be tolerated in any way shape or form without severe consequences.

In the coming days, and rightly so, many people will speak up and condemn these kinds of action against women. But I would hope that this kind of abuse would be condemned against all beings. Some child abuse, male, and female,  including animal abuse, and even racial abuse, from both sides, needs to be brought out in the open and discussed. Fingers will be pointed at this person or that organization for what they did or didn’t do. And the momentum gained, and possible lessons learned, will be stunted.

In Rochester N.Y. a young policeman was gunned down by a person who had just been released from prison two weeks ago. He leaves a wife, a young son, and a 3 month old baby. Instead of concentrating on the racial aspects as the cause and effect of this terrible tragedy, we should be discussing why we are producing, as a society, the kind of person who feels, not necessarily thinks, when in trouble that a solution is to take another person’s life? What has happened to them on their own personal journey to allow them the mindset that this kind of behavior is an alternative?

These acts of senseless violence have been occurring through time, I am well aware of that. But the increase in their propensity and extremism must be examined closely so that not only can a meaningful dialogue take place as to the root cause of these acts, but a plan, starting with parents and children to honor the sanctity of human life and to reintroduce the feeling of community for, by, and to each other.

And that people brings me to my point. In this day and age, with the me first, and the haves and haves not, tension has become a daily fixture in our lives. Whether it be driving down the road, fans “getting into it” at a sporting event, or our politicians and leaders modeling  a confrontational approach to life’s problems, angst and its long term devastating effect on people has come to the forefront of our society. Not telling the truth, or telling a lie you know to be a lie has become accepted in many circles. And then, a person sees this and repeats this negative behavior because they feel righteous indignation or justifiable entitlement and the problem intensifies.

Yes, here is a root cause of our problems. Escalation. When an irrational behavior is performed, do people really think that the behavior will curtail all by itself? On the contrary, it gets worse, because it is irrational and has no fundamentally sound base. It becomes like a snowball that turns into an avalanche encompassing all within it.

 The ability to share, sacrifice, and feel contentment has been replaced by criticism, stretching of the truth, entitlement, and  lack of acceptance, and not listening with an open mind, to contrary points of view.

How did it get this way? Why? How do we stop this version of the “Tsunami?” I certainly do not want to state that I have all the answers. Actually, I have way more questions. What I do want to say today is that as long as that kind of behavior exists, and it has existed in this way in one form shape or another, the time has come for a simple stand against it. I do not want to over simplify my suggestion or the problem at hand. But as the Chinese say, “A 1,000 mile journey begins with one step.” So too does my solution.

Simple manners. Opening the door and holding it for someone and putting on your directional when you are going to turn. Saying “please and thank you” ramps down the tension and angst. We want to calm people down. It is something we all can do. Be appreciative. A person can never be happy with what they want until they are thankful for what they have.

Thank you. I appreciate very much you taking the time to read this.

Swinging on a swing

What the heck is this essay about? Where am I going with this one? What does this have to do with youth or high school sports, or sports injury prevention? Glad I asked!

For those of you who have not had the pleasure of swinging on a swing, and even for those who have, I present an essay on the “Zen” of swinging.

Remember that feeling when you get to the apex of the swing and seem to be floating? The risk involved at that exact moment, seemingly suspended in mid air, and the drop after that was so cool. There is the exhilarating feeling at that pinnacle of height that gave you a mental and physical adrenaline rush. It made the whole swinging experience awesome. Well, the journey to that apex and the ensuing feelings were quite revealing and lots of fun.

A long time ago when my children were little we used to go the playground often. Our children would meet new kids, interact, and play for an hour or so, or until tired. The social aspect of this time was intriguing to say the least. My wonderful daughter Molly would go up to other kids and simply ask them: “Would you like to be my friend?” Clayton, would find another kid and they would just horse around and play. Kids chased each other and laughed while having a really good time being kids.

Sometimes, a child would trip, or fall or a problem would ensue between a couple of kids, but, for the most part the children would handle all the issues themselves. If it got to rough a parent would intervene, but mostly the children learned all on their own to play socialize and learn life skills by themselves without any input from adults.

But the swing was a little different. Because our kids were little they would need a little help to get started. Sometimes, we would hold onto the swing and push the child and the seat forward and run right through the push and out the other side. Great fun.

But what I want to talk about today was the feeling the kids had doing this. A constant refrain, of “more please”, “Higher please” could be heard each and every time they were swinging. We would watch the children trying to compete with the child next to them to see who could go the highest.

They learned to kick their feet and pull on the chains in unison all on their own. You could see their faces as they got high higher and higher on each successful pass.  They loved the risk and reward. The enjoyed pushing the envelope of their ability and fun. Children figured out their own boundaries. It was exhilarating to watch them master this event.

Of course being kids, you had to sometimes tell them that was “high enough” or to not jump off the swing when they were too far back in the pendulum or too far forward.

You could watch their faces as they learned the feeling of accomplishment and gratification while they were swinging. It was a great fun workout.

Swinging on a swing. What a great metaphor for their lives. Give them a little help, keep them safe, and let them learn and grow at their own speed. Watch them push their abilities, all the while learning how to cope and adjust in a safe healthy environment. Just like sports, and all activities should be encouraged at their own pace, on their own path, what fun it was!

 They got exercise in a fun and strengthening environment. They learned balance, co ordination and enjoyed some friendly competition. Children  learned to push their boundaries and limits.

It seemed like so much fun that it brought back memories of when I used to swing.  So, one day, my wife and I got on the swings, and had a blast.

 Maybe you should too!

Adult Scheduling Olympics

Adult Schedule Olympics:

For those of you who have followed my blogs you probably saw this one coming a mile away. In the course of my attending over 2000 youth and high school sporting events, a constant theme has started to emerge. Parents are complaining about their hectic youth, club, and high school sports child delivery service. Some combination of all four mixed together has produced a new psychological status paradigm.  I call it the “My schedule is so much tougher than yours Olympics.”

I have written and talked about the “keep up with the Jones mentality pervasive in youth and high school sports. ( and society) There is an idea and strong belief that if I don’t do all these things for and with my children they will fall behind the other kids, and then there life will somehow be change dramatically for the worse, forever. (Or at least the parents and coaches are convinced of this)

Nonstop, at almost every single event that I attend in my “fly on the wall” mode I hear this refrain constantly. “My son/daughter has to be at this event at this time or another. Then I have to go take them to another one the same day in another city, or hurry back from there to play another game in their hometown. Next weekend I have to be in three places at once, so my spouse and I won’t see each other all weekend.” Whoa is me. Look at all I am doing for my kids, Not to be outdone, another parent chimes in with their schedule, and it is ALWAYS more hectic than the first parents lament. And when the schedules can’t be ramped up any higher the amount of money is brought up. They never say exactly how much they are spending. A simple statement rattled off listing ALL the places, equipment, and teams that they are involved in so you have no doubt that they are under a lot of stress and financial burden.

Then the Gold medal entry comes in. “Well I wish that was all WE had to do for our son. We had to take him to a Sports Orthopeadic surgeon (Insert Dr. name for status purposes only.) Then we had to take him to a personal trainer (insert first name ONLY of trainer for status purposes) and then he went for Physical therapy.

Well it does not have to be that way. The race they are being told that they are falling behind does not exist. In actuality, all that running around, is probably causing their child to be fatigued. This fatigue actually hinders a child’s development and makes the child more susceptible to injury. Also, psychologically, when a child feels the pressure to do all these things because they HAVE to and not because they want to, their desire and passion fade, it becomes a tedious job.

 Lastly the data points to rest being a crucial part of a child’s athletic development, and all the travel, multiple teams, and multiple events tires children out.

The very stress that the parents are complaining about for them is actually happening to their children on a weekly and sometimes daily basis. How ironic. The idea that you can try and mimic what you THINK top athletes are doing and have your child become an elite athlete and not be just a weaker copied version is inaccurate. While expecting professional results from this process is misguided at best and certainly has the potential to be very unhealthy children are not being allowed to be children.

At Frozen Shorts our organic holistic balanced way for a child to develop is less costly financially, physically, and mentally. The journey taken through the F.S.L.M. is more long term lasting, healthier, and of course my favorite, more fun!