Is It Really Worth It

That does not sound right to me

I had another conversation, with another parent, claiming to have a full ride for their child athletically. When questioned thoroughly, and my connections to college coaches explained to him, the parent changes the story. Well, it wasn’t DI and it wasn’t a full athletic scholarship. My child has great grades.

Are parents so caught up in the ego and status of having a kid with a scholarship that they just throw away the truth and hope no one catches them? Are they in a group where everyone believes them and wants to be able to say they know the kid who got the athletic scholarship? Do they yearn for status they never had as a non athlete growing up? Do they spend so much time and money that they feel entitled to some recognition and status they see other parents getting?

Too bad it is not like the whisper in the ear around the room conversation. By the time the last person gets the first person’s saying the whole statement has changed. Parents, I do not care how much time and money you have spent. Your child’s athletic career has nothing to do with you.

The stories I hear all basically come down to one simple truth. The rules apply to everyone but me. As long as I get mine, and I can brag about it, even if it means twisting the truth, so be it. I hear everyone else brag about what they got for their kid, even though I have no idea if they are telling the truth, so I am going to brag and exaggerate about my child.

“I will come off as an expert on the subject and make you believe that my child could have, would have, but decided not to, chase the dream we had as a parents for ourselves. Since they first started playing youth sports, I have been surrounded by people claiming to have full rides” and that the goal is attainable for my child.  I want to believe them so I will not verify their tall tales, even though the numbers do not add up.”

Don’t let the truth get in the way. That narrative does not help me justify what if, or at the very least, defend my actions. Up until 30 years ago very few if any parents felt the need to have this conversation, or did they.

We keep saying how smart kids are these days. Do not be surprised when your child rebel because he or she knows what you are doing is not in their best interest.

 Trust, the base of any relationship, is compromised. At what cost? Is it really worth it?

Mirror Mirror on the Wall

Do you want your child playing for that coach

It has come to my attention, as more and younger children are being “offered” athletic scholarships that the coaches and the parents need to look a lot closer into what is actually going on. Are you being told something just so you have something to justify your dream not your kid’s future?

The phrase that college coaches tell parents is that they have to recruit younger and younger. If they don’t, then there are 5 other coaches who will do it. “I don’t know if the kid will develop, but we have to do it. By the time they get to their senior year they might not have the grades to get into our school. I’m offering scholarships to kids that haven’t even played a minute of high school varsity sports. I filled up my 2015 class 3 years ago.”

Let’s look at this more closely. Although the data is not in great enough numbers to give us precise and truly accurate results, there are a growing number of coaches who are saying this type of recruiting is not working. What is working is that coaches have to go to fewer events because youth sports has funneled the early developed kids to showcases. The  college coaches now have an easier time, less time spent, cheaper way to recruit, and  a set statement to tell parents as to why their child will not play for their college.

Do you really want your child to play for a coach who says this? Is this the model of behavior that you choose for your child for the next four years of their lives? Do you want them around a coach who is being pressured to do something you would n to want your child to a part of? Wait, unless you are climbing on the status wagon with the coach.

A college coach cannot fill up this year’s recruiting class three years before. It’s against the rules. A verbal commitment means nothing except to the parent and their friends. The NCAA says a child can’t get an athletic scholarship offer until after their junior year in high school and the get a # from the NCAA clearing house and eligibility center.

You want to know why youth and high school sports are out of control. Look in the mirror?

It's not about you

It is not about you

I have recently been sent numerous messages about coaches not wanting their season to end. These coaches want to continue to coach, and I like that. BUT, holy cow, give it a rest with your team. Get some balance in your life and maybe the kids will too. I am hearing messages about a coach saying that coaching kids is all he lives for. Another coach says that even though the season is over he wants to keep coaching this same team. One more coach says he is going to retire and then admits that he has nothing else to do. One coach says it’s all he lives for. You don’t want to leave because you miss the limelight.

Come on guys and gals. Coach something else. Coach real young kids. Help reestablish the base the right way. Introduce fun and equal play to the little kids and show everyone how that helps ALL kids get better, instead of hurting development. Show how coaching is about relationships and giving back to the game.

It really troubles me when I hear coaches describe who they are through their coaching position, just as it bothers me when a 10 year old is described as a hockey player.

Where has the balance gone? Why are these coaches so caught up in the status of their job as a coach? Are there other problems in their life that they choose to make their identity as a youth a high school coach paramount to their identity? When they do that, don’t the kids and parents follow suit?

A coach first and foremost should be a teacher. Very plain, very very simple. They are there to send the children they coach on their way to adulthood with life skills, such as coping, stress management, community, and humility.

 I hear coaches rattling off their win loss records and championships all the while knowing they were in a league that guaranteed them a certain amount of victories before the season even began because of the league they coached in.

I am watching coaches wear their team’s gear year round and wanting people to ask them about the team they coach so they can have status, ego, and attention all rolled into “It’s all about me.”

I do not hear stories anymore from coaches about the late bloomer or the kid who came out of nowhere to have a great game in a championship. No stories about how no one would give this kid a chance and we said,” hell yeah, let her play.” Where is the: “The win was nice but did you see Molly? She played great. She hasn’t played much this year, but boy is that going to change.”

A very wise college coach once told me this: ALL great coaches have great players. The rest of us, eventually, are unemployed.

Let the kids be the center of attention. Model humble and inclusive behavior for them. The less serious you are about it the better you will be able to coach it.

This Sucks and I am Bitter

I write this week’s blog with a heavy heart. There is so much of what I see out there in the world of youth sports, and society in general, that I wish was not happening. Today, I want to talk about what children learned when they realized the end of their career was coming. What would they change about how they did things after their playing days were over?

 It was brought up to me recently, after one of my talks, if I thought the kids that got screwed over playing youth and high school sports, would behave and coach differently than the coaches they had. Would they play lots of kids? Would they have learned from their journey that it shouldn’t have been the way they were coached? These kids would have a chance to stop the Tsunami. My answer was not what he wanted to hear.

I have watched over 1000 high school and youth sports games. The new breed of coaches, and I am only talking about the ones who actually played high school and or possibly made it to college to play intercollegiate sports. The results have not been what I had hoped I would see.

Three people I was very close to all succumbed to different forms of cancer.  I talked to all three multiple times before they died. It’s an awful disease, and I hope researchers find a cure for it soon. In their last months on earth I was intrigued  as to how they would handle their remaining time. All three either remained themselves in some way shape or form. What struck me most though, was that all three showed no remorse or any inclination to make up for what they may have done in their lives. They did not show any appreciation or even wisdom from what they learned while going through this tremendously painful journey to the end of their lives. Repeatedly I see bitterness, angst and short tempers.

I am now watching  really good kids turn angry on a moment’s notice from seemingly small slights or misdeeds. Harsh negative comments abound about the world that they live in now. They fail to see the connection, or refuse to acknowledge, the tremendous negative impact that their youth and high school sports experience laid upon them.

It is time to hand the games and play back to the children. They need to be able to play freely with little input and structure from adults at a young age. Let them develop a base of desired activity that is fun and free. We are raising a generation of children in and out of sports, who have been told what to do, and how to do it.

This current paradigm my friends is not how children learn to be independent thinkers, creative, balanced, and coping adults.

We want children, and people in general, to look back over their past and appreciate the journey as well as trying to leave the world a little bit better place than when they were here. Peace of mind is victory.

Let’s have some more fun. It’s an awfully long dirt nap.

The End Game Truth

I have worked with, coached, mentored, and interacted with over 5000 kids on this journey to change the culture of the youth and high school sports environment. To say it has been a difficult journey so far would be quite an understatement. These kids and most well intentioned parents and coaches have been caught up in a Tsunami of epic proportions, that leaves a path of long term destruction the likes we have not seen in youth and high school sports ever, to this degree.  We have not been able to stem the tide as the problem of specialization, angst, and anger, over spending, injuries, status, and egos is running rampant. However, even as this problem grows, we here at Frozen shorts, along with a few others, work to chip away at the false foundation of youth and high school sports.

Over the next three blogs I am going to write about a few kids we have worked with, some we have observed, and others we have observed and how the journey worked out for them. Their journey’s are eerily similar as they were promised a pot of gold at the end of the rainbow, but have since learned that it is not so.

Hearing family members related to these kids brag about them and their athletic endeavors and make believe full athletic scholarships is okay as it shows a certain loyalty, however misguided. The real problem in our first case is that the scholarship offer never happened. When confronted with this fact the defensive actions of certain family members just reinforces why this problem is becoming more prevalent.

You see, people are told this child got full athletic scholarships that know this kid. They or people close to them have a child playing that sport. They immediately think,  great for that kid, BUT well IF my kid specializes, goes to showcases, gets a personal trainer, he/she can get the mythical DI athletic scholarship/. They don’t, he didn’t and I am the one coming out of this as the bad guy.

 Living off a lie is no way for a child to enter adulthood. There is lots of noise lately about respect, and some of it is justified. HOWEVER, way more important is trust. At some level, mostly when the kids get to the next level, they find out that what people were telling them about their athletic “greatness” was not true. Much of their youth was spent in a race that doesn’t exist. Then what? These kids don’t know who to trust and how to cope. Because they lack balance, a key component to success in relationships and life skills.

We see they hangover every day. Play for fun. Stop The Tsunami!

Ice Cream

I love ice cream. Let me explain. There is a certain ice cream franchise that I took my wonderful wife to the very first day she moved in to my house. I remember that day it as our real true anniversary. It was January 21, 1988. Yes, that’s right, in the dead of winter. The temperature that day was 10 degrees.

The girl working at the counter said I was the only person she had seen all day, and that included her boss. My girlfriend at the time, the Saint that she was, humored me by going out in the bitter cold for ice cream right after she had moved in. I’m sure it was not her idea of a celebration.

I have all the franchises phone numbers listed in my little white book along with rankings for each store. Friends will email me to check on which one I recommend when they have friends coming into town, IN THE SUMMER!

I recently was told this by a parent: “As long as my son keeps his grades up, and he loves playing this sport, we are going to keep doing it.” He described trips to Baltimore, which games got rained out or at least shortened, without any angst.  They have trips to Washington and Boston coming up. The tone and inflection in his voice showed ne that he was partnering with his child in this sport. He loved the status and travel name dropping or adult Olympics as I call it.

There were other people around when he told me about this, so I did not want to get into a discussion with him, We are not a gotcha company. I simply gave him my card and explained that his son could get better at his sport by not playing it.

 I have seen hundreds of children keep playing a sport just to get their parents approval!

For you reading here, let me explain.  It is unhealthy to play one sport year round, travel, elite whatever. Your chid’s chance of injury increases dramatically. Have you ever flown and it took all day? Remember how tired you were from just sitting around at the airports and on the plane? Now think of driving 7 hours in a car ONE WAY, and the effects of that on a young body.  Then they play multiple games over the weekend, then drive another 7 hours home.Lastly, life for children is about new experiences, meeting new people; fun, failing coping, and experimentation.

I love ice cream. I can’t eat it every day, it’s unhealthy.  I would get sick of it.

Sports are a microcosm of life.

Game Changing Calls

Game Changing Calls

 Don’t put yourself or team in a position where a ref can make a difference in the outcome of a game. You don’t want him/her to do it, and neither does he/she. In the course of a game there are multiple calls that are questionable. I could go back through the game and every team sport game I played, coached or watched and point out plays and calls for both sides, if executed properly, would have made that “game changing” call in the Buffalo Bills Jacksonville Jaguar game, or any game I played, coached, or watched, inconsequential.

Much is made of “blown calls.” What is not mentioned nearly enough when a questionable call is made is how many bad plays happened before the “questionable call” was made?

What also should be mentioned, and this is one I hear constantly: “The ref had it in for us.”NO, he/she did not. Officials do not wake up in the morning of a game and say they are out to screw one team or another. Most want to get through the game unnoticed. When I see a coach going nuts over a call and yelling at an official wonder how it would feel if the ref turned the tables and starting yelling at the coach or parents in the stands for a clueless comment, botched play, or a poor coaching move.

 I use to say this to my team. We don’t point fingers we create solutions. I coached 451 college hockey games and not once did a ref determine the outcome of a game. We did as a team. (Edited for future viewers)

The importance of fun and laughter in sports

Play for Fun with laughter

In my 7 years as a professional standup comedian I was continually overwhelmed by the fact that as comedians, we could take a group of people in a room, who would never be together again, and unite them in laughter. After the show was over, people would come up to you, buy your CD or DVD, stop and chat, or comment on the show.

I would sometimes stand  to the side and just watch the whole proceedings. Watching people leave the comedy club feeling good, made me feel good.

Then it struck me how valuable laughter was to people. Oprah had a show that had a lot of sadness and angst. She did some wonderful things for people, but there was much sadness in her shows. Ellen, on the other hand stressed fun and laughter. She even starts her show with some dancing and everyone joins in. Her show is as strong as ever, and my daughter Molly got me to watch it with her a couple of times. This woman wants people to feel good, laugh, and have fun.

When I commented about this fun and laughter to a couple of my ex players and guys I coached with, they all said basically the same thing to me. V.J. when you were coaching you tried to make us laugh. We had fun. We didn’t know at the time it was helping us as much as it did. What we did know is that it was different than what we were used to, and we were drawn to it and you.

You don’t have to be a professional comedian to bring fun and laughter to your team. The opportunities will be there if you look for them. Try it.

As the Joker said in the Batman movie: “Why so serious?”

Injured egos fractured truth

Just got off the phone with a friend who was telling me a story about a couple of kids who played on his team. They were multi sport athletes and played on this guy’s team because it was so much fun. That’s right, kids play for fun. Whether adults, organizations, and even parents think it’s about winning for the kids as a priority, well it’s not. Study after study, including our own of over 1000 kids, demonstrates they want to have fun, play with their friends, and compete.

When things don’t work out, and the athletic scholarship does not appear, the excuses come flying out from all sides. Hey, everyone makes stuff up or exaggerates at one time or another. I tell people continually that my final goal for this project is a lake,boat, with a house, and no neighbors. I want to be with my new friends in the middle of the lake with no phones telling a bunch of fibs about my past!!!

But this new thing, this excuse machine connected to the failed promises and failed results of time, money, and ego involved in a child's athletic playing time through high school has long term effects. These children have two choices. One, they can say they just weren’t good enough. I rarely see that happen. They can say they got hurt, they didn’t like the coach or they didn’t think it was good fit.

Let me ask you this. How easy does it become to tell a lie about something if you feel you have been wronged and were entitled to something you were led to believe was going to happen and didn’t? How good would you feel about yourself living that lie, or listening to others support the lie around you?

What could possibly go wrong?

The Buffalo Bills and Accountability

 The Bills seemed to blame the referees for the loss yesterday against the Giants, or at least all the penalties. Not taking responsibility for ones actions is a very good way to ensure entitlement. It’s not very good role modeling. Am I to assume that the refs wanted the Bills to lose and the Giants to win? Teaching our children accountability should be a paramount basic fundamental value. But if our leaders don’t, why should they? I used to tell my teams don’t put yourselves in a position when playing that the ref can make a difference in the game.

I am all for backing you players as a coach in a public forum. I did it as a head coach in college hockey for 21 years. Saying that “I put the best players out there who give us a chance to win.” Isn’t always the right thing to do? Sometimes, as a coach, you have to send a message to the team that certain kinds if selfish behaviors are not tolerated no matter the talent, or the score, Sometimes, yes, it costs a victory. But, here is the thing: it rarely does. Do you really think the people that got you into this mess will get you out of it? Also playing other guys when your starters are screwing up and making repeated mistakes builds interterm competition, and that my friends is the secret to team success.

Cell phones and selfies

Cell phones and selfies

Life is about balance. We are social creatures by nature. The more we lose sight of the value in community to all, the easier it is to become jaded. Most everyone wants to be independent but they also want to belong. If you don’t feel like you belong, many serious negative consequences, thoughts, and actions become more plausible to you.

When you take the group dynamic and all it positives and negatives, and turn it into a vehicle for self, you have looming problems. (See congress) or big business. I’m all for fun but when I am out with my family at a restaurant and I see mother, father, and both kids buried in their phones, yes there is a problem. In the journey of life, relationships are the single most import facet of keeping a community close.

I think the phrase is divide and conquer.

 A friend of mine has an idea. Whenever we as a group go out to lunch, everyone has to put their cell phone in the middle of the table. first one to answer picks up the tab. pretty funny to watch, especially when one member of the lunch bunch purposely has a friend of his not a lunch call one of the lunch bunch form a phone he can’t ID..

 I need to be entertained.

 No phones allowed at our dinner table ever, not at home or in a restaurant.  Manners are a paramount fundamental for our children’s healthy development. When is the last time you saw everyone bring their camera to the dinner table? And if you did what was the social interaction? When did you see them talk to their camera or try to post their cameras pictures?

Let’s talk and listen. Let’s listen to hear, not object. Let’s appreciate what we have and embrace those who don’t.

Peace of mind is victory!!

Living Vicariously

I met another family bragging about their son getting a full athletic scholarship to play Division I sports. Funny how they did not mention the 2 letters he would have to receive from the college. They did not mention the grant in aid letter, nor did they mention the letter of intent.  I am also curious as to why they did not mention the $50 they had to send to the NCAA clearing house. Nor did they mention the clearing house # you get to be able to accept an athletic scholarship. No announcement on any social media was made. Curious as to why they wouldn’t be talking about either letter being framed and hung on a wall on their house.

I am amused as the excuses or reasons come out.. We have heard them all. He didn’t like the coach. He got injured.  It was too far away.  My favorite, it was not a good academic fit. Am I supposed to believe that a kid playing one sport year round for 8 years, attending showcases, and DI camps, suddenly doesn’t want to accept a DI full ride athletic scholarship if offered?

In this case it was not a good academic fit. That is why he did not go there they said. And I wonder what his coach thinks after having gone through all the effort to get  this young man a scholarship only to have him turn it down.

Now on the surface, this may not seem to be a big deal. BUT in today’s world of high stakes youth and high school sports it is a big deal. Here is why. First off the kid may be living a lie. Second, kids who have seen him play will think they are as good as him and they and their parents will spend time and money on a race that doesn’t exist to get an athletic scholarship.  Also, does his present coach not stop the lie because it helps fill his camps? Do these camps perpetuate the myth of playing one sport year round, showcases, and elite trainers, and teams?

There will be no pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. We see it every day. There is a tremendous hang over for these kids and parents when their child has to go through this.

 We want the kids to be safe mentally and physically.  Their long term health should be a priority. They should be having fun. We want them to  be active longer, and learn transferrable life lessons.

We need to stop the tsunami in youth and high school sports

EPTU

EPTU. I heard from a coach that equal play under 10 rewards kids who don’t want to work and put in the effort. They are kids, not micro adults. Embrace their age appropriate desire for FUN. It should be an integral part of your coaching philosophy. Or is just a word you throw around to appease your conscience? Had a coach tell me Kobe does it that way when he's trying to win a game. Well coach your player is not Kobe and never will be. He’s a high school student. Teach him that way.  Imitating what the pros do in practice and games does not apply to 99% of the children playing youth and HS sports. So why do it? Make 2 equal teams in practice and let them play. No interference from coaches for correction sake. It enhances  good competition and fun. This concept  embraces what the athletes do naturally as children  which may help your team improve more than packaged drills from a DI or Pro coach. Remember, they are not  mini pro athletes. Maybe a coach could watch his or her team play before practice starts and learn what the players enjoy doing and create drills around that free play. Free play, most underutilized "drill" in all of youth sports and high school sports.

Injuries to multi sport athletes

During a recent mentoring session with a coach he asked if back in my day, we had kids miss a whole season with an injury. I said it rarely happened. Most of the time when it did it was an accident. Somebody tripped over something, or they ran into something and got hurt. Occasionally, and I remember it happening once in high school, did I see a player get hurt during a game that caused him to miss the rest of the season.

But today, you see or hear about it often. With 3000 kids a day going to emergency room for sports related injuries, and so many more kids playing youth and high school sports, it is no surprise that the amount of injuries has increased to children playing sports. Single sport athletes are 2-8 times more likely to get injured than multi sport athletes according to AAOSM.

He then said he knew a multi sport athlete that had 2 knee operations and at 16 was now facing more rehabilitation for his latest injury.

I told him that one of trends I was witnessing in youth and high school sports was kids playing on the edge or over it. In the last soccer game I watched, two kids go up for a header and the one kid, who was not going to get the ball recklessly slammed his head into the other player breaking his nose. I saw a hockey player take 5 strides and slam a kid into the boards separating his shoulder.

One of the most important things we are trying to teach at our talks, seminars, and workshops is community. Play hard but fair. Opponents should be able trust the opposing players in a game, or even their own players in practice not to do something stupid. Parent should not encourage this behavior in the stands or on the way to the game in the car. They should not congratulate their kids in the car on the way home either. They should say to their kids that sportsmanship and class are an important part of youth and high school sports

Paycheck and Taxes

Is it about the paycheck and taxes?

Since it’s Labor Day, let’s talk about working, paychecks, and taxes. In this day and age of youth and high school sports, I am struck by the similarities between our children’s new era of “play” and a job. If put into business terms, it seems that youth sports organizations are issuing taxes and parents are paying these taxes without either side being fully aware of the actual physical drain on their “bank” accounts.  These taxes, like almost all taxes, are adding so much outside negative stress that it has become increasingly difficult to keep your “head above  water” in this mythical race that does not exist in youth and high school sports.

 Now most people work for the paycheck, I understand that. I did it for many years and did not feel satisfied, so I change my approach drastically.

By “paycheck” we mean the earnings of the banners, trophies, elevated status, and ego of playing for “elite” travel teams. You add to this the race for the mythical full ride athletic scholarship and it’s a heavy “tax” but these kids and parents today have so much invested in play that the play has turned into a job.  The parents are paying “taxes” to youth and club organizations out of this new “paycheck”.  As we all know, if you are paying taxes, you want some tangible services returned to you. The more taxes that you pay, the more and better services you demand. This is not happening.  You are now in a culture where you are paying more in taxes than you will ever get back. Truly a “life time tax”.

Is it really about the paycheck/victory?  Do organizations and parents want to earn the “paycheck” of banners, the “paycheck” of trophies, the “paycheck” of elite travel status, and the elevated ego “paycheck” of more is better? Do they not see the long term cost in life, work, relationships, and families?

Maybe you need a vacation? Maybe you need to start your own business? And by vacation, I mean rest and quality family time. By your own business I mean free play and pick up games.

It’s a simple business plan, just not so easy to implement.

From The Bottom Up

From The Bottom UP:

I am working with a group trying to institute an equipment change in their sport for safety reasons. They went to the top and got a less than enthusiastic response. When presented with this problem at our presentations, seminars, and workshops we say to “Stop trying to teach the pig to sing. It’s a waste of your time and annoys the hell out of the pig.”

True change comes from the bottom up. The top guys and women don’t want to disrupt the apple cart. They don’t want to lose their status. They don’t want to fight the improbable fight. They are under tremendous pressure to maintain the status quo.

But that doesn’t mean we can’t change the culture.

At your next game go to the opposing coach that you trust. See if he or she will agree to the change you are proposing and explain why it is important to the children, not the adults, that this change be instituted.

Then, hire Frozen Shorts to teach all the parents, coaches, and children why this change is needed and what it will accomplish. We tell them it is not just for this sport, but for all the activities the kids are in. This includes the classroom also. We teach the race that doesn’t exist, and why it needs to stop. The chase for athletic scholarships is so expensive that it costs more, for 99% of the people, to pay for play, than they will ever get back. Our program allows for real true competition and the importance of having fun. The more the kids enjoy what they are doing the better they will be at it. Stop the Tsunami

Psychotic

Psychotic

Talked to a mom whose 16 year old son has had 4 surgeries? He plays basketball year round. Do the math. Health is the most important part of a child’s journey through youth and HS sports. One sport year round is unhealthy. Do the math

Kids are playing video game because they get to play. Not even half of them are full time gamers. They are just kids who want to play. Adjust or the kids will do it for you.

Seriously, as a youth and high school coach you wear the gear everywhere you go. You call yourself a coach when meeting people. You talk about it more than your family. You criticize other coaches constantly, even professional ones. And you think you won’t over react when coaching? Adjust or your kids will do it for you.

 I will compete harder against you when it matters in a big game, than most people you know. 8 concussions, 4 broken bones and over 100 stitches to my face are living proof. I’d bench my mother at the end of a game if she wasn’t playing well. And it wouldn’t faze me. But an 8 year old game where you are all yelling at the kids to do your bidding? No thanks. It does not matter to them, only to you. It’s their game. Let them play for fun.

Underage Recruiting

Underage recruiting

I was invited to attend a youth sports presentation in Chicago. During the presentation a gentleman got up and spoke about how a sophomore that he knew was already getting offers for a DI athletic scholarship. After the presentation I approached another man who said to me that “Michigan already has a lot of their 2018 recruiting done.” And another one said to me that “The kids are getting the offers, what's the problem?”

Well here in a nutshell is the problem. You cannot get a legitimate DI Athletic offer from a college until you have graduated your junior year in high school. You must also have completed the core courses required by the NCAA to be on track to graduate to a matriculated DI college. Next, an athlete then must submit all the required documents to the NCAA eligibility center. After the review, the athlete is issued an ID # from the eligibility center. That number is the only number that determines whether an athlete is eligible by the  NCAA and the college offering the scholarship.

If that does happen, the student then must sign two letters, the letter of intent. And the grant in aid letter to receive the scholarship

Until that happens, there is no legitimate binding athletic scholarship. Heck if it just took a verbal commitment, Farah Fawcett and I would have been dating a long time ago.

So what is the real problem? In talks with scouts, coaches and agents, is that the kids who are getting these offers think they are binding, when they are not. There is also the perception that if the college coach does not honor this verbal commitment; he or she will lose recruits. Maybe, but probably not. There many kids waiting to fill theses spots if you are not.

Now there is every reason for recruiters to go younger and younger in their pursuit of talent. We are putting an extrinsic force on a child that should be about internal realization and fun. The professionalization of youth sports and the adulting of kids have long term negative consequences for all concerned.

But lastly, and surely most importantly. My sources tell me that less than half of those commitments will ever be realized. And that happens for many reasons. The athlete stops developing. They get hurt. They burnout, or lose interest.

But the ones that trouble me the most are the inner city kids who are sold a dream in a race that doesn’t exist and leave sports bitter and betrayed. Then my fear is, they will pass it on to their children. Stop the Tsunami in youth sports.

The Real True Base

The Base

Over and over again I hear the phrase “we need to teach these kids how to win.” Over and over I hear the phrase “Kids need to know about winning and losing.”

And the newest one “I love my kid so I am going to let them play the one sport they love year round and support them. “I want them to take it as far as they can go. “

Now I submit to you why this is just another example of entitlement and not the base kids need and want to be successful in life.

On many occasions I have seen well meaning parents whose biggest influence on their decisions regarding their child’s participation in youth and high schools sports is televised sports. Most have not played past the high school level, if that, so they rely on what is basically false advertising.

You see only 1% of all kids who go to a 4 year college will play at the DI level and only ½ of that 1% will play for free.

 As far a s specialization goes, well I like ice cream. I can’t eat it every day. It will make me sick or I will get sick of it. Kids change their minds all the time as to what they want to do in a day!

Parents need to know the difference between goals and dreams. They are not partners with their child in the youth and high school sports experience just because they played a lot of money.

First children need to learn to play together. How many times as parents did you have an older child take away something from a younger child? You have to teach children to share and cooperate to be part of a community. They are already competitive.  Nobody knows how to win.

That’s the base. Anything after that is all about adults’ ego, status and pocketbooks.

Children need to feel safe. They need that safety so they can fail and not be called a failure. They need the freedom to be creative and try new and different things without the fear of retribution from adults. That’s right. The car ride home with the parents is one of the biggest fears children have playing sports. What we need to do as adults is to create an environment for the children that allow them the atmosphere to develop and enjoy free activity first and foremost. Since only about 10% of all kids who are the “best” at age 10 are the best at 18, let them play for fun. Also, puberty changes everything. For the kids 10 and under its equal play. Try it; I know the kids will like it….if you leave them alone.

They will learn to be competitive fairly and safely. This will teach them life skills they can use for the next 50 years of their lives. This is the base youth and high school sports should strive toward, not athletic scholarships

 Isn’t that supposed to be the true winning goal?

Equal play and fun

Equal play and fun

There is no medical or psychological data that says equal play impedes child’s athletic development up to an including U10. Just the adults’ egos are bruised. We have done pilot programs up to U13 with complete success and others have sent me data that they have done it all the way up to U18 with great success. If you leave kids alone, they will play for hours on end. It’s called free play. The score doesn’t change the way they play if left alone unless there is outside adult interference. The score changes the way adults think. I was told by an adult after a talk that the kids want  know what the score is. Yes, some do, BUT most know the score an hour after the game is over and talk about it ONLY when pressured by adults. These same adults pound into the kids the importance of keeping score.

The kids just want snack.

 They want to be with their friends and play for fun. The true test of a child’s involvement in sports is that they want to keep playing another day after a game is over and the TEAM leaves the field happy. Another parent told me they have to learn to win and lose. How are you qualified to teach that? Remember, no one knows how to win. Survival of the fittest, in its original definition was about the WHOLE community surviving not one individual. Yet they have no science, psychology, or data to support their irrational feelings.

 In high school and college you take multiple subjects yet we force children to specialize at an early age and then are shocked by rebellion. More and more colleges are recruiting multi sport athletes because they seem to be easier to coach and have better coping skills mentally and physically than one sport athletes. They also don’t break down as much. Kids on the playground don’t need adults telling them what to do. They can figure out the rules and roles for themselves, and they want to! Ever heard your child "I can do it myself" I did. My daughter said it.  Children want and need the desire to learn. Teach them the "yearn to learn”. It’s all about the journey. When you go on a trip and have a guide, the guide leads but do not dominate. They let you experience life now you know what the kids want. When is the last time you made a mistake at work and the boss had you stay after and run laps? Does the boss stand over you constantly? PLAY FOR FUN!

The Intern

The Intern

One of the coaches that I am mentoring was having a hard time understanding playing time for those on the team who didn’t have the physical abilities of the more talented players. I explained to him that no one really knows when “suck” is going to happen. Players need playing time to be able to foster inter team competition for the betterment of the team and individual. Look, most teams of 20 have this kind of breakdown. They have a top 2 or 3 and then 12-15 who are all about the same, and then 2 at the end that are not very good. But that last guy could be your diamond in the rough, that late bloomer, that as coaches and players, we all pull for, and we will never know because a coach wouldn’t find some meaningful minutes for him to play during a long season.

 And some of that mindset is directly related to the parents’ pressure on their child, the coach, and the organization.

Now it’s important to understand that the talent difference between these kids is way more determined by playing time, or lack thereof, than it is on talent. Remember human beings do not physically develop fully until they are 23, 24 or 25. So to say that this kid or that kid is a bench player in their teens is not supported by scientific fact.

 I asked him if he had an intern where he worked. He explained to me that he had recently had an intern who he worked with directly.

I wondered out loud did he put the intern in a room and give him meaningless jobs to do. If he did, how did he think the intern would react? Did he stand over the intern and repeatedly bark instructions to him?  Would his intern harbor mistrust and resentment towards his company and adults in general when he wasn’t given a chance for meaningful work experience? Would he feel that the “internship” was devoid of any real hands on learning experience? How would that paint the picture of your company going forward for other interns? What would he tell his parents, his teachers, and his friends about the poor experience he had when he left your business and returned to college? We keep saying how smart kids are these days, but then we don’t put them in situations where they can fail safely, the key to long term growth and development.

 In this case, I asked him if pointing out the interns mistakes in front of other people was the way he would want to be treated? Did he really think that the intern did not see the mistakes he and others made in the office? Did the intern wonder why he was being singled out? Did you make a sincere effort to make him feel part of the business when he was there?

Now you know what the kids think and feel who don’t get to play on teams in youth and high school sports.

Friday thoughts

If you think your Childs athletic performance is the key to your financial future, you should play the lottery. Same odds. Go to http://frozenshorts.com  and download free our weekend youth sport cost calculator. Go to media, scroll down to bottom. And plug in #s. See what it costs per hour for your child to play travel youth sports. Children learn from internal realization. Not external force. So stop yelling at them while the play. It just another form of entitlement. Kids should be allowed and encouraged to stay in the moment and have fun. Let them dream later with their friends with no adult pressure.

Only 1% of all kids going to college will play at the DI level. So don’t talk to them like they are. That is your dream not there’s.Telling kids to play one sport is like telling them they have to eat Broccoli when they dont want to. There are other sports. On the way home from the game do not critique their performance. You are not a TV analyst and they are not pro athletes. Watch your kids playing youth sports this weekend? Look like fun to you? If not, time for a change. Recess, when kids should have free play. As important as any subject in the classroom. It helps them learn better

Others

Playing and coaching with someone who has less ability has as much to do with you and the team getting better as it does them improving. At some point you won’t be the best player on a team. How do you reconcile your exclusion of others when you start to get excluded? What if a coach purposefully showed up late for practice just to learn what the kids would want to do without the coach? One period or one quarter for one game we ask for no yelling instructions at the kids by coaches and parents. Tell us what happens! You can still be competitive and relaxed. You can still be pumped up and calm and you get to slow down the game in your brain. Spoke at a yearend sports banquet. Asked kids in the audience how many felt pressured to play injured? How many had played pickup games? More kids felt pressured to play than had played pickup games. Shouldn’t that statistic be reversed? What if we asked the kids what they wanted to do, without them having to fear retribution? You lead by example and modeling class behavior. That means you don’t always have to be at the front of the line. You say swag I say humility. You show me an athlete who has overcome struggles in sports and in life, and I’ll show you a person I can trust to be a team player. You say winning I say competition. You don’t know how to win, no one does. But I do know how to compete.

Sectional Avoidance

Sectional Avoidance

Over the last decade I have heard this expression repeated by coaches, players, parents, and administrators. “If things work out we can avoid playing “X” in the Sectionals until we or they get to the finals. This is modeling behavior that is simply another form of entitlement that puts winning at all cots above  the journey.

Now I freely admit that I am old school. I’d rather play the best team we could play 10 times in a season, than the worse team once. You don’t learn anything beating up on teams and you certainly don’t get pressure, stressed filled situations to learn from.

 I believe in life skills, humility, sacrifice, and teamwork as in integral part of a team, and a player’s journey through youth and high school sports. As a coach and a player I always tried to make sure that everyone on my team was included in everything that we did. I played wherever the coach needed me and I offered to play with anyone on our team.

I was very fortunate to receive the very first sportsmanship award at my high school.  I volunteered to play defense the year after I won the league scoring title. We only had two returning defensemen, and our team was in a bind. I ended up playing the whole game, every game, while the other 2 defensemen rotated.

 My late great father and wonderful mother had instilled in me the philosophy of caring for others, sacrifice, leadership, and sharing. They also encouraged me to play with older children and better competition. Those older children in our neighborhood mentored me, pushed me, but not once ever excluded me form the countless pickup games we played in multiple sports. I never forgot those lessons learned.

 V.J. Sr. said to me on many occasions: “If you want to be the best, you have to play the best.”

Now, with winning, no matter what level, what time of year, and always with background noise of “I’m a winner”, so I must play and coach to win, no matter what the cost” reverberates throughout youth and high school sports. Schools will drop down a division, avoid certain teams, play a lighter schedule all the while never understanding the incredibly poor modeling example they are presenting to our children. Then they are surprised when the kids act up. I say I’m surprised that you’re surprised.

It’s ironic to me when I hear adults talk about DI athletic scholarships and teaching kids how to win and lose. (Something they don’t know how to do) But in college, for the most part, we try to play the very best competition we can find. Oh sure there are some games played at the very elite DI level for $$, but most college coaches want the best competition they can play. It’s how you find out who can play, and it’s also the best way for your team to improve.

So when I hear coaches, parents, players, and administrators talking about missing a team in sectionals, I just can’t figure out how they can justify setting that example to the children. Winning over competition without understanding the long term ramifications is so foreign to me it sure sounds a lot like another form of entitlement to me.

8 easy Steps for youth sports coaching

 8 Easy Steps to youth sports coaching

Nobody comes to a youth or high school sports game to watch a coach coach.  If an adult wants to become great youth coach pre puberty for the kids best long term interests? Here are 8 easy steps for all youth sports coaches’ pre puberty! 1. Equal play.2 Let the kids play multiple positions, 3. 9 out of 10 things said to kids is cheering positive with minimum instructions. (Do you really think they will get it done all correctly?) 4. No yelling at kids on the field, court, or rink while they play, 6. No post game talk, 7 SNACK 8. FUN for all. They are just kids. They are not mini adults or micro professional athletes. They are not remote controlled robots attached to adults’ personal status and joy sticks. 1% will play at the DI level .99.9% will never play pro so why would anyone coach them that way? Play for fun! Only 10% of the kids who are best at 12 are best at 18. Let them develop instead of the coach managing the game. No one knows how to win.70% will quit by the time they are 13.Why? 1. The kids are not having fun. 2. Too much pressure from adults.3.Lack of playing time. Puberty changes everything. A coach has only a 10% influence on the outcome of a game so they should be heard, ALONG with the PARENTS, 10% of the time while the kids are playing. Adults call it coaching, kids call it interfering or in comedy terms, heckling... Play for fun the kids only know the score because you tell them. Its adulting kids. Ten minutes after the game adults are the only ones who care. It’s why kids hate the ride home after sports. They will play ALL day by themselves without a scoreboard. It’s the adults’ egos that remind the kids. Do you really think that there won’t be a game if the coach isn’t there? We use Science instead of tradition, Psychology instead of hunches, and data instead of theory for these steps. Try them for on game. The kids will love it!

Let them be kids

Just got off the phone with a coach who told me that FUN doesn’t have to play a part in his teams’ agenda. You should not be coaching children. Last night I watched a father who thinks he knows sports, but never played high school varsity or college level, tell his son after a game his team won how badly his son played. He blasted his son for not playing well. The kid was almost in tears. What a ride home that had to be for the young boy. Amused by parents who say its common sense to teach kids how to win and lose and then when their kid doesn’t play and team wins they are mad. We are sending group of children into adulthood from youth and Sports that see entitlement/manipulation as acceptable parts of a persona.

Prom night Part III

The Prom Part III

Just when I thought I had heard all the feedback that I was going to get on this subject, I got a call this morning that I had to write about. Now understand I am getting this third hand, but even if only part of this is true, it speaks volumes as to why I feel so passionate about what we do at Frozen Shorts, and how much it needs to be successful for our future generation of children.

I was told this morning that a parent had actually blamed a loss for his team on the Prom. That’s right; kids going to the Prom had cost their team a win. Now think for a minute: A parent, a successful and a fully functioning member of society, who was so into this team that he was blaming a loss on children who did not play. It seems to me he just wanted to make sure he had the coaches back and that every parent, and sadly his son, knew that. He was the guy who had the keen insight to be able to make these calls for the team. He also maybe is trying to insure that his kid has a starting spot on the team for next year, and may or may not realize it.

Whether it is bad calls by the umpire that he captures on video, and shows all that will listen, or some outside distraction affecting his sons ability to perform in a crucial moment, that he pontificates to the other parents  because this could happen to their kid, he has the definitive say on what’s going on during the game. The illogic he used in this case was because the children who weren’t there could have played, the coach was “forced” to play one of his better players in a major blowout! Seriously, how much kool aid do you have to drink to come up with that one? Did this guy even play High School or college sports?

 I have spoken with many ex pro athletes and not one agrees this current path is the right ones for their kids, or any kids. One did talk to me about completion for little ones around the age of 8-10 but when I explained the science, Psychology, and data as to why equal play would actually help the competition, she readily agreed.

Let’s break this down logically. I know, I’m using logic, experience, and cause and effect principles, to come up with solutions to an illogical thought process. ALL kids should be encouraged to go to the Prom if they want to. Most of these kids do not play unless the game is a blowout anyway. Even with them not there were other kids, not just the starters, were still left to play. I don’t think you think what you think you think is correct on this sir.

Now here comes the part that my brain is trying to analyze and figure out. Did the kids, as a group, decide, since they knew they weren’t going to play anyway based on this seasons past experience, say collectively, let’s go to the Prom and show everyone our feelings. Did they think that they would be “punished” for missing the game by being “benched?” Going to the Prom en masse was a form of teenage rebellion or defiance? Or did they just want to go to the Prom?

Did the coach reschedule this game knowing about the Prom, and thus insuring that he did not have to worry for three games, about playing kids that were on the bench? Did he tell the other coach, after the game, that he was in a “pickle” because these kids went to the Prom and he was “forced” to use one of his best players more that he wanted to?  Was he saying and modeling one behavior to the kids and then a completely opposite thought process and behavior for adults so as to ensure that anything bad that happened wasn’t his fault?

But mostly, what about the kids? Are they now being modeled a behavior by adults that allows them to rationalize poor behavior? Are they seeing themselves as pawns as they wait their “turn” to play next year? “You must sit now so you can play later.” Is everyone so accepting of this because there are so few spots and so many kids playing that fear of falling behind, or not keeping up with the Jones dictates a slow and steady decline of real inter team completion and fun?

We are then sending a group of children into adulthood from youth and high school sports that see entitlement and manipulation as acceptable parts of a persona.

Equal play and fun

There is no medical, psychological data that says equal play impedes child’s athletic development U10. Just the adults’ egos are bruised. We have done pilot programs up to U13 with complete success and others have sent me data that they have done it all the way up to U18 with great success. If you leave kids alone, they will play for hours on end. It’s called free play. The score doesn’t change the way they play if left alone, just the way adults think. I was told by an adult after a talk that the kids want to and know what the score is. Yes, some do, BUT most know because adults pound it into them.  They want to play for fun. The true test of a child’s involvement in sports is that they want to keep playing after a game is over and the TEAM leaves the field happy. Another parent told me they have to learn to win and lose. How are you qualified to teach that? Remember, no one knows how to win. Survival of the fittest, in its original definition was about the WHOLE community surviving not one individual

In high school and college you take multiple subjects yet we force children to specialize at an early age and then are shocked by rebellion. Kids on the playground don’t need adults telling them what to do. They can figure out the rules and roles for themselves, and they want to! Ever heard your child "I can do it myself" I did. My daughter was 2. Children want and need the desire to learn. Teach them the "yearn to learn”. It's all about the journey. When you go on a trip and have a guide, the guide leads but do not dominate. They let you experience life now you know what the kids want. When is the last time you made a mistake at work and the boss had you stay after and run laps? Does the boss stand over you constantly? PLAY FOR FUN!

It's Over

Its Over

Just finished talking with a college athlete whose playing days are over, and the body language and tone in his voice told  the real story of his trip through youth, club, high school, and college athletics. You can see he doesn’t want to give up the dream. But it is over. The sadness I see in his face is not the normal one of oh well, it was a good run.Is the emptiness athletes, not ex pros, just the regular kids. The 99%, who after playing days are over, have this "what the heck, every one told me I was great" or” I spent 10 years of my life doing this" show a lack of coping skills manifested in entitlement and angst. They don’t see that lack of diversity, life skills, and balance in their athletic life is now apparent in their real world? The long term consequences of specialization rear its ugly head.

The Mechanic

The Mechanic

I’m just the mechanic. The car should run just fine without me after I am done fixing it. if I give a car a tune-up as a mechanic cause its running rough do I then drive the car myself to prove my point or educate the driver? Why do you hesitate to buy a rental car? Maybe because you fear it’s been run too hard, but you really can’t tell can you? Specialization!!? Are children holding on to the dream after their careers are over because of all the time and money spent? Is the emptiness athlete, not pros, just kids after playing days are over come from lack of diversity and balance? In high school and college you take multiple subjects yet we force children to specialize at an early age and then are shocked by rebellion In high school and college you take multiple subjects yet we force children to specialize at an early age and then are shocked by rebellion Is the emptiness athletes, not pros, just kids after playing days are over come from lack of diversity and balance

The Prom Part II

The Prom

The Prom

From time to time I am asked by both athletes and their coaches this question: What do I do about the High School Prom? My simple answer is go. However my answer, in this day and age of specialization and year round participation in youth and high school sports, needs an explanation.

 For those of you who have followed me over the years, that usually means a story or an analyzation/comparison is about to happen. This is no exception. For those that don’t follow me, well this is how I relate things to people in hopes that they will be able to relate what I say to their own personal experience in life. If that makes any sense, please keep reading.

A few years back a very good athlete came to me with this problem. He was invited to go to a prom but his club team was going way out of town that weekend. Since these trips were “showcases” for this player and in his family’s minds, he feared missing the trip. Also, the coach, and with the tacit approval of a DI coach of a school he was interested in going to, made it clear he should go on the trip so as not to fall behind the other players, maybe miss being seen by a DI coach, or some other self serving nonsense to that effect. He was their star player and they knew without him, they, meaning the coach and the organization, would possibly lose face if they went half way across the country and lost. Also, what excuse with they use for not having their star player playing in the game? How would they look to other “Kool Aid drinking organizations?

Let me make this clear. A night at the Prom is a night he will remember for the rest of his life. (I still remember my date to the Senior Ball.) He and his friends are going to get all dressed up, the girls are going to look fabulous, they are going to go to a fancy restaurant, possible rent a limo as a group, and have a really good time experiencing a part of teenage life growing up to adult hood. They will be creating memories that last a lifetime. This kind of event can ONLY help this person’s all around well being. It is a once in a lifetime event and should be cherished by ALL, not used as a way to exert external force over a child.

But, after explaining this to this player, I could tell he was still not convinced. So I said to him: “I happen to be connected to this college in a very small way. I doubt sincerely if I was to get a message to the Athletic Director that he would be on board with the idea that you had to skip the Prom for another game, in another town, and another “showcase.”  I told him if you are good enough, as an ex college coach I can say for most certainty, we will find you. But I also said to him do you really want to play for someone who has their priorities messed up, and doesn’t see the big picture?”  This coach is putting himself and the organization in front of your personal needs and desires. You’re going to have a lot more fun at the Prom than at this game, I assure you. He went to the Prom. One year later the coach of his college team, yes that coach was fired.

Money Money Money

Recent data coming out points to parents that are higher up on the economic scale both socially and financially tend to spend more money on their children’s athletic pursuits. That makes sense on many levels. Youth and even high school sports are becoming more and more expensive to participate. Parents who have more money therefore have the economic means and the social motivation to “keep up with the Jones.”

But in my 30 years of watching, coaching, mentoring, and writing my book on youth sports, I have encountered another side to this phenomenon. Most parents both work. They do not have the time to devote huge amounts of time to their children’s jam packed nonstop schedule during the week, so they write a check.  On weekends one goes one way with a child and the other goes in a different direction with another sibling. It relieves some of the guilt and gives them a feeling of partnership in their kids’ youth and high school sports activities.

But it doesn’t really. The kids feel the pressure that comes with expensive pursuits. We keep saying how smart kids are these days but we don’t give them nearly enough credit for their ability to figure things out. True, many are scheduled into the ground on a mostly daily basis, and therefore don’t have time to think  and analyze what is happening to them on a day to day basis, but their brains and bodies take care of that for them. The brain sends signals with chemicals and the body reacts by being tired or injured and the kids internally feel bad and emotionally tired. They stop having fun and quit. 70% of them quit by the time they are 13.Others find different ways to rebel. Many student athletes are not going to a college that has their chosen sport just so they don’t have to justify and defend to their parents why they stop playing. Others get to college, play half heartedly and either are cut or quit. Some even experience a career ending injury to justify not making the team or to stop playing altogether.

This is what the youth and high school sports journey has morphed into. It has become an adulting or professionalizing of our children’s sports. The kids don’t like it and neither do I.

97%

97% of the 2010 Olympic athletes were multi sport athletes. In the 2013 NFC and AFC championship games ALL 4 quarterbacks played baseball in high school. Three were drafted by MLB. The other played Legion ball. Their names: Peyton Manning, Colin Kaspernick, Tom Brady, and Russell Wilson. The #1 prospect in ALL of baseball Byron Buxton played three sports in high school and played varsity football for 4 years in high school. 41 of 47 FULL ATHLETIC SCHOLARSHIP RECRUITS by national champion "THE OHIO STATE UNIVERSITY" played multiple sports in high school

  I am not saying to beat yourself up or to feel that you need to defend yourself. We are not a gotcha company. What I am saying is that now that you have experienced this, tell your children, that there is a different way so they don’t repeat this with their kids, or coach their kids this way. They will understand. They know you are human. When you admit to mistakes, they actually trust you more. Ours did. They do love you.

 I am speaking in Vegas end of month to Pediatric Orthopeadic Surgeons of North America (POSNA). $1.25 BILLION spent last year on overuse injuries and 40% of that on children under 14. We are making a difference, but each time a parent says the way they did it was right but others are messing it up it just creates more entitlement. I have yet to hear of a 20 year reunion of a modified basketball team. If the coach says you have to do this to play for him do you really want your child in that entitled environment. It’s not competition, remember that. I have worked with, mentored, and coached over 5000 kids and I will tell you the great multi sport athlete, the ONLY ones who are going to get full ride athletic scholarships, do not have to follow those rules and they don’t. It’s mostly the ones that will never have a real chance, and are trying to buy their way into talent. If you looked at spending this amount money on say an investment portfolio, no broker would tell you to take this risk. No teacher would tell you they taught their students this way. It’s a race that doesn’t exist, and should be treated as such. The pts per game per season against other kids whose parents can afford to pay doesn’t necessarily mean talent. It’s just another way to entice. In some cases there is a separation for those who are invited and don’t have to pay. This happens in ALL sports. But what is missed, is that the balance needed in life, and the coping mechanisms learned by playing multiple sports are lost. The child, and they are children, lose out on being with different adults, different skills for different activities and the specialization hinders the Childs all around development. As a head coach in college hockey I can tell you 80% of our job is recruiting and we love our jobs. If you are good enough we will find you. 85% of ALL kids who go to college go within a 3 hour drive. Having a recruiting service or an aau pedigree only increases their external value forced on a child which is not what they need for life. Many parents quoted statistics to me over the years. What we care about as college coaches is how you made your teammates better. How did you fare against the top competition? How did you treat your parents and friends, especially the lesser talented ones? How were your grades in school? You pay money, and therefore you want something in return. that is adulting kids. most parents don’t. Everyone else is the problem. I understand rationalization and the emotion of parenting, guilt, and doing the right thing. I for one drank the kool aid with my son. I hear from more and more aau parents’ coaches and college coaches about the problems they see. I have been to numerous tournaments, its part of my job. What I see each time I go is sad to say the least and borderline abusive. 1% of all kids who go to a 4 year college play at the DI level. Avg. DI scholarship $10,780 a year. But it really is not that much because Football and basketball are head count sports. (Full) Only half of the 1% who play at the DI level play for free. Then 1% of that 1% go on to pro. That life expectancy is 4 years in pro sports... Average pro salary $80K 77 times more non athletic scholarships than athletic. 25% of all kids going to college get some non athletic financial aid only 1% get athletic financial aid. PLAY FOR FUN! I just had a meeting with a big time college AD. At the end he said, oh my vive been doing it wrong all along with my kids (and he ended up divorced) I said, that is in the past. now you know the difference. spread the word Until we can convince the ones like you who get it that it is important to say we could have done it differently and share that with friends and family, our struggle to change this culture will be even more difficult. You knew something was amiss and you did your best to fight it. well done There is no medical evidence that not playing year round makes you rusty. There is plenty that says the opposite. playing other sports actually makes you a better basketball player as many pro players will tell you. the medical evidence is overwhelmingly positive just in injuries for those who don’t play one sport year round. I know it’s hard, but if we can’t convince the really good parents like you that there is a different way to raise kids in this difficult environment, our job is going to get even harder

Is it hammer time?

Now, I try not to hammer people in public, but I’m starting to rethink this philosophy. For one, as a friend told me, trying to reach the people that know it all is like trying to teach a pig to sing. It’s a waste of your time and annoys the hell out of the pig. So you might as well go down swinging. Secondly, our Company is not a gotcha company. We are here to educate, not pound. But, as I give more and more presentations, I am faced by the fact that many people, especially highly paid professionals, who are not used to be told they are misguided, think they have the answers while ignoring the facts that are right in front of them, because they too have succumbed to the dreaded “keep up with the Joneses.” No question parenting is difficult, and the youth and high school sports programs have, in many cases, added to this difficulty, and exasperated it. I have been to over 1000 high school games and practices and I can tell you the reaction of the coaches, players, and fans has taken a decided turn to the seriousness side. The children having fun and as a priority has been replaced by win now, manage the game, and the adulting of youth and high school sports. The short term pursuit of victory has had a long term negative effect on most everyone involved.

Some research is showing that the higher up the pay scale the more the parent will spend on their child's athletic pursuit. When this happens the child feels obligated and pressured to perform for the parent to justify the large expense his family has spent on his/her athletic pursuit. Some research shows that in lower income situations, the athletic scholarship pursuit is being used as a means to an end with little kids being pushed, prodded, and professionalized instead of just letting them be kids in the pursuit of the almighty DI athletic scholarship and a professional career.

I want to make three points here that I think are needed. First, most parents want what is best for their child, I understand that. But my second point is that what they think is best for their child is not based on science, psychology, and data in youth and high school sports. For the most part, they feel that if they don’t drink the kool aid their children will fall behind and lose out, even though, most data suggests that it is a race that doesn’t exist. Only 1% of all the kids who go to college play at the DI level and only half of that 1% play for free. Lastly, I understand the 5% rule in Psychology. There are 5% I will never reach. BUT, I feel that most parents who do not speak up during my talks still have many questions I can see it in their eyes and body language when I speak. They stay around and listen as I answer questions after my talks, programs, and workshops. For most airing their concerns in a public forum is not for them. They still need to hear the truth, and with it, how absurd some of the arguments are being made for parents to continue this course of action for their children.