Our next
child, and please remember that even though they may be 18 years of age they
are still children, chose his own path and his own journey, through a process
of one step back two steps forward. It’s not who starts first, but who finishes
with most enriching experience that counts.
But first, I want to set forth an explanation
of my view of all children’s journey. Since I believe that if it is true, it is
applicable to all scenarios; it is a journey that will help most children long
term, and hopefully a journey that will teach both adults and children the
inherent value of letting children figure things out themselves with a balance
of guidance, love, safety, accountability, and support for their children.
These children are still developing in many
ways and in many areas, even at 18 and beyond. Our job, as parents, coaches, and mentors, is to provide an environment for
them that is rich in opportunities while
still being in a safe but not necessarily a protective environment, where their
mistakes are more likely to turn into success, given time and positive
reinforcement, than failure. We want them to make mistakes, YES WE DO. These mistakes
provide with the necessary tools that teach themselves how to cope and to learn
at their own pace, for their own needs, for their future, not ours.
This child comes from a very good
environment. The parents had their
children playing in the back yard with other children. The mom commented how if
the children played in the back yard for an hour, they spent 20 minutes arguing
about rules, 20 minutes playing, and 20 minutes eating. CLASSIC!
Let me
interject here that national studies, by nationally known children’s experts
have unequivocally stated that children, once shown what to do, learn faster,
retain more information, and feel better about themselves, when left alone to
figure things out for themselves. This process leads to a greater amount of
creativity and interest, than continually telling them what to do.
She also
related her son’s journey playing his chosen sport. After High School he chose
to attend, tryout, and eventually play for his college varsity team. Although
he ended up playing and starting for his team as a freshman, his success on the
field was not matched by his attention and success in the classroom. He did not
go back to that college for his sophomore year. Instead he attended a local
community college to get his grades back up. After a year there, he went back
to his original college.
Then something
happened. His own personal light went on. I believe strongly that the parents,
by letting him, and supporting him while not mitigating the consequences of his
actions, modeled the same kind of decision making their son needed to learn and
embrace, to make a solid long term choice for his future.
(Think of
how many short term decisions have come back to bite you in the butt!)
He decided
to leave that school and transfer to a school that provided him with a better
environment for his future, not the team he was playing on. He made the team at
his new school and is playing a lot. But what is most important is not that he
is playing again at the college level, what is important is that the journey
revealed to him what it is that was most beneficial to him for his future, not
just his present.
To see these
two ladies tell their separate but very enlightening stories about their
children, was wonderful. I truly enjoyed the time I spent with them.
Watching the
light go on for them as it pertains to how their sons got to where they are,
and how they did it, was a joy to see. To see that joy and contentment that
only a mom can radiate made my whole day, and I hope it made theirs!
You can follow VJ on twitter @VJJStanley, go to his website
frozenshorts.com to read other blogs and see video interviews of Doctors,
Athletes, Coaches, and more. You can follow him on face book, or contact him at
vj@frozenshorts.com. His book: Stop the Tsunami in Youth Sports is available in E-Reader and
paperback through his website frozenshorts.com
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