Sunday, February 17, 2013

Over The Top Parents



The annoying parent comes in two basic models. First is the parent who knows it all. They never played the game they are yelling about, and they certainly don’t know the rules. They are venting a long seeded failure, whether real or not from their past journey through childhood and youth sports. You can tell these parents at a game because they are constantly chirping at the officials and yell out when it is quiet around them. They are usually hidden in the crowd so they have some sort of “protection” from the officials’ wary eye and ears. They comer to the game, no matter what game it is feeling that we, and by “we” I mean the children playing vicariously through these parents twisted emotions of entitlement and frustration.
            They have decided even before the game that the officials “suck” and they will not be getting a fair deal during the game. They also firmly believe that the officials favor the other team and are looking for ways to screw their team, and by “their” I mean their children’s team, a team of course they are not playing on.
The second kind is the one that wants everyone to think he knows it all. His son or daughter is the “best” player on the team, and by that I mean the father is TOTALLY responsible for that talent and he and his sibling are a team in the journey through youth sports. And By team, I mean the father dictates to the child what team they play on, who they hang around with and what coach should be coaching the next great player, i.e. Their child. If the coach is playing their child the most and putting he or her up on a pedestal the coach is a great coach. If they are losing he will haves suggestions, I by that I mean criticisms of the coach and will gladly tell people about the college coach who thinks their child is awesome. He will talk to you, maybe, if your kid is not a scrub. He holds court, mostly with fathers of other players who want to be able to tell their friends connected to the sport that they are close with the best player’s father and their son has been to their house.
 They will stand in the entrance, not to close, of the event their child is playing in making sure all who come in see them and if so fortunate, will be given a few minutes of the father’s time to tell them how great his own son is and where the D 1 scholarships are coming from as they decide on their children’s future, never once involving the child in this discussion.
IEvery team has one, and if you don’t see either one of these personalities on your childs  team, kit may be because……YOU ARE THAT PARENT
You can follow Vj on twitter @VJJStanley, facebook at frozenshorts, Linkedin, His website frozenshorts.com ( subscribe to his weekly newsletter) and his email vj@frozenshorts.com
His book Stop The tsunami in Youth sports is available throught his website in paperback and e reader.

Sunday, February 10, 2013

Myopic Technology


Myopic technology:
In my last blog I talked about failure and mistakes and how they have come to be prevalent in our minds, action, and culture. Today’s blog is going to reveal why they have crept into and in some cases dominated the way we think
Instead of thinking of the greater good, we are now faced with a me first mentality. Even in games that are blow outs players, parents, and coaches don’t want their best players to come out of the game for many reasons.
The first reason is that because they have paid money to play they feel they are entitled to playing time. Some fear that if they come out the player replacing them will play better and they will lose their starting spot, fall behind ( behind what) and not get the mythical DI scholarship.
Another reason is that everything seems to be coming at them so fast and so often and from so many different directions people is trying to hold on and to control their environment in whatever way they can. They are being bombarded on their phone, computer, and television with dreams and visions of grandiose riches from professional athletes, musicians, singers, businessmen, and friends.
Someone always seems to be saying they know a person who has this amount of money or that expensive thing. They see these material things as status and attainable goals without understanding what is actually going on in those people lives away from the glitz and glamour of the spotlight.
Youth sports organizations enhance this by claiming to be connected to some major League entity or the Olympic program when in actuality few if any of the children playing in the organization will ever attain even the DI level of athletic participation. They travel to distance places and stay in hotels and play in Sate, National, invitational and the dreaded “SHOWCASE” tournaments to try and make participants believe there is value in their participation in youth sports.
In our latest video on our website frozenshorts.com features NHLPA Agent Steve Bartlett, founder and President of The Sports Consulting Group and the agent for NHL stars Ryan Callahan and Brian Gionta talks about how small the odds are to get to the professional level and how much pressure is being put on children at a younger and younger to succeed in what should be a journey of fun and friendships made playing youth sports.
You can follow VJ @VJJStanley on Twitter, at frozenshorts.com, or on facebook at Frozenshorts. You may contact him at vj@frozenshorts.com or at his office 585-743-1020
VJ’s book Stop The Tsunami in Youth Sports is available through his website frozenshorts.com and Amazon in paperback and E reader.

Sunday, February 3, 2013

Failure instead of a Mistake WHY?


Failure has now replaced mistake.
 The very redefinition of the importance of the journey and the process inherent in that journey has made making a mistake a trigger point for a snap neurological reaction instead of a time for reflection and growth to be able to learn, assimilate, and grow from internal, not external forces or mistakes.
 “OH MY GOSH, WHAT ARE THEY GOING TO THINK OF ME” or “SCREW EM” now seems to the norm for a reaction instead of self reflection.
Lash out seems to be more common for a response if you are the mistake maker or the person watching the mistake happen. Rarely do you see a person laugh at their mistake. That would lead to more piling on so we have developed a defense mechanism.
True long term change comes from within as you analyze and make a decision on your future behavior.

If we got everything right we would be at a disadvantage to learn and grow. Immediacy and the corresponding high is looked at as a positive instead of the back lash reaction associated with thinking instantaneously (reacting), and I use that word loosely, that has long term ramifications for people. We see it in kids every day.
Watch people react to a mistake made by someone in a situation at work or at play. Do people react so that they can help that person in most situations that you see? Rarely!
Most of the time the reaction to the mistake is negative in nature. There seems to be a belief, or a feeling, that because someone else got something wrong it is better that it happened to them than if it happened to me.
Or in some strange way it validates the person criticizing the other person. They seem to take solace in the fact that someone is getting something wrong thus making that person feel superior.
 Are they trying to feel good about themselves by making someone else feel bad?
 You can see chronic tenseness every day when you are driving. People are so tense. And the newest “fad” not using directional signals when turning? How much effort does it take to make a short, push-down motion?
Watch when some hears a loud noise or is “spooked” by someone. The reaction is more of a release of pent-up tension that has been building up over time than it is to the actual event.
Why is that?
My next blog will answer that question.
Follow VJ @VJJStanley on twitter, frozen shorts on face book, email at vj@frozenshorts.com or buy a copy of his book, Stop the Tsunami in Youth Sports in paperback or E reader from his website!