Let me say
this to ALL the parents consciously or sub consciously pushing their kids to
play travel youth sports. Every team has at least one parent, maybe more, who
is living vicariously through their child and justifying it by the “level” they
are playing and the money they are spending. If you look around your team and
you can’t see that type of parent, chances are YOU are that parent!
“But they
are telling you he can’t play on this team. Why not find a house team for him
to play on and let them play for fun?” His response: “He’s too good for a house
team.”
Evidently
not!
So at 18
years of age, when many of the kids and families have already moved on and
realize that youth sports is just about playing for fun and learning life
skills, you are still pushing for the dream. The child resents it, they are
tired of hearing you talk about THEIR life as if it was your own, and they are
tired, disillusioned, frustrated, and resentful. Their view of what is right
and wrong has been skewed by a make believe existence tied to the dram of
scholarships and professional sports.
How do we know this, we talk to kids every
day. You know why they play youth sports, to have fun!
But the kids
don’t quit playing elite travel sports when they realize it is more of a job
than fun. Even though they are tired and
tense, they keep on keeping on to please their parents, friends, or coaches.
They should be playing with their friends in high school. The families have
spent literally tens of thousands of dollars to chase a dream in a nonexistent
race. Many children we talk to feel they don’t have any choice but to keep
playing. The pressure from within their inner circle is too much. They start to
rationalize what they are doing. An then it happens. They get cut from the team
they are trying out for, and it’s over.
So, I ask
him: Seems like there is a lot of politics being played here. In a lot of cases
kids getting screwed over, is that what you are saying?”
“YES” he
says.
I ask than
why you would spend so much money on something determined by luck and prejudice.”
Frozen Short’s contact information:
You can
follow VJ on twitter @VJJStanley, go to his website frozenshorts.com to read
other blogs and see video interviews of Doctors, Athletes, coaches, and more.
You can follow him on face book, or contact him at vj@frozenshorts.com. His book: Stop
the Tsunami in Youth Sports is available in E-Reader and paperback through
his website frozenshorts.com
The
following is an excerpt from a conversation with a hockey parent. As always the
sport really does not matter. If it is really true, it applies to all things,
including non sport related activities.
I was
talking with a father of a travel hockey player. After playing just one year at
his high school the father and son ( and there is a whole other blog on just
that subject coming) decided to forgo the rest of his high school career with
his friends, and go off and play ‘elite” travel hockey, in search of the dream.
Now let me say that the H.S. coach, an ex
professional hockey player must have had mixed feelings about his players
leaving his team and going off to play travel hockey. On one hand, He left home
early to pursue a career to play professional hockey, but on the other hand, he
knows how hard it is, and how much luck is involved in trying to get to the top
level, and how fleeting that career can be.
The dad told
me that he and his son “just got cut” from a Junior program. When I said to
him, “what is the “we” here mean?” he responded with: “As long as I am paying
the bills it is we.” I said: “I’m sure your son is aware of that.”
He then
explained to me how much money he had spent on his son’s amateur hockey career
and the ever present line I hear almost every day: “Have you heard of this
coach?” (INSERT ANY NAME COACH or any program named after him IN ANY PAY FOR
PLAY “ELITE” SPORT HERE)My son made his team, but we decided we weren’t going
to have him play that far from home, and besides it was too much money. They wanted my son so much they offered us a
25% discount, to change our mind. So, obviously, if he made that team, he
should be good enough to make this junior team.”
I’m not
really sure how the parent makes this connection. One team, one organization, can
have different goals, different criteria for their players, than another team
or organization. Some have trouble filling spots each year so they change who
they get to play, how good their team will be, and how much they charge. It is
a business. But ALL want you to pay to play. The reality is that they need
players to keep the “machine “purring and the cash rolling in. Simple math
tells you that there are only so many scholarships, 1% of all the kids who go
to a four year college play DI hockey, and only half of them play for free. Each
team has only 18 scholarships or points. There are only 700 jobs in the N.H. L. in the world. So to say the odds are miniscule, or even lottery like,
for your child to get anything close to a return on your investment, is quite
accurate.
So I asked him what happened at the tryout for
this last team. He said: “When we got there, there were only a couple of spots
open for this team. The coach, (Again INSERT NAME OF ANY WELL KNOWN COACH or
organization) wanted to keep his core players together so he could win. The
kids had played together and knew his system and each other. (Unless a stud
showed up in which case he would have made the team in an instant) My son
didn’t really get a fair shake. He was obviously better than some of the kids
the coach kept. That’s not just my opinion; another dad there said he thought
my son was better than some of the kids the coach kept.” (NOTE: this other
dad’s kid got cut also. Misery loves company.)
Then he said
“One kid, decided not to play so they called back kids to tryout one more
time.”My son had another great tryout, but the coach had already decided who
the kid was going to be, to make the team, before the tryout even started. My
kid got screwed again.”
I said “You
know we are talking about the final roster spots. Coaches know who the best
players are and they don’t have this problem picking them when a team is formed.
They are the ones getting the scholarships.” He said: “My son is not a college type
kid. The Junior route is the route for us.”
“Us” I Said,
what is the us?” He said: “My son wants to take this as far as it will take him
and he has my total support. I’ve paid this much so far, and I’ll do whatever it
takes to help him reach his dream.” (Now again, whose dream is this?)
What, really? “Your son did not make even this local Junior program, that was going to cost you $5,000 plus, and you are
saying he can’t even make this team and he is going to “go as far as it will
take him?”
It already has. Time for house league.
“Did you ask
him about this?” he pulled his phone out and said let’s call him right now.”
Well, it takes a little while before a kid trusts us when we talk to him to
tell the truth. First he may be so conditioned by everything and everyone
around him that he does not even realize what is happening and how it is
affecting him. Also, he may afraid of the consequences. Parents, friends,
coaches, and other kids swept up in the TSUNAMI and have become preconditioned
to accept this life style in the hope of the nonexistent full ride scholarship.
“WE DON’T WANT TO FALL BEHIND!” We must keep going!
Then it
happened. I heard the mantra, the pre scripted response that I hear over and
over, and one of the main reasons Frozen Shorts was created and we work at changing
this youth sports paradigm every day. “I am not that kind of parent. If my son
wants to quit today he can and it won’t bother me a bit.”
Frozen
Short’s contact information:
You can
follow VJ on twitter @VJJStanley, go to his website frozenshorts.com to read
other blogs and see video interviews of Doctors, Athletes, coaches, and more.
You can follow him on face book, or contact him at vj@frozenshorts.com. His book: Stop
the Tsunami in Youth Sports is available in E-Reader and paperback through
his website frozenshorts.com
I’d like to
be able telling you that this story had a happy conclusion but as in life
things aren’t as cut and dried as Id like them to be. In many instances the
answers are straight forward, black and white. This is how I like things to be.
I don’t like entitlement, politics, or prejudice.
I did not
hear from this coach for a couple of weeks. As the “zen” of life would have it
I called on by a parent to come look at his daughter’s modified team. He was
not trying to hang the coach or get his daughter more playing time. She was
playing a lot and the coach seemed to be, according to my client, a good,
competent coach.
What he
wanted me to see were the parents. He had read my book and wanted to know what
he could do to help the situation. I told him the lollipop story. A friend of
mine, you will see her interview soon, tells a story of how her sister brought lollypops
to her children’s soccer game and whenever
a parent started yelling at their kids, or the ref, or the coach, she would go
up and give them a lollipop. It got to be quite an accepted practice and most
people got a kick out of it. I suggested that he try it, or have his wife try
it. But first, he should talk to the coach and have a team meeting with the
other parents.
So we get to
the game and the parents start in right away. Let me explain to you that
children do not like their parents giving them instructions when they are
playing and they certainly don’t like it when their parents start coaching or
yelling at the refs. It is one of the reasons 80% of the kids questioned in a
national poll by Michigan State University of over 28,000 kids said they don’t
even want the score to be kept in the games they played. (We did our own poll
at Frozen Shorts and the numbers were even greater, and with some very
insightful comments from the children)
I’m watching
the parents, actually sitting right in the middle of them and I am embarrassed
as to what was said to these young girls and the referee while the kids where
playing. It was awful.
But then I
heard a parent from the other team yell at the ref on a close play. I knew that
voice. I had heard it before. I looked down the bleachers, and there was the
coach who I had been mentoring. It was his voice. I immediately looked to find
out who his daughter was on the floor. They did not have names on their
jerseys, so I looked for the girl who cringed when this guy spoke. Then I saw
him start to mouth directions to his daughter when she was sitting on the bench
She looked
at him, shrugged her shoulders and then looked away, disgusted. She had had
enough of the” butinsky” from her father. She just wanted to be left alone and
play. I watched bemused as he basically coached the game from the stands
telling his wife and those around him what should and shouldn’t be done on the
court. He had on his schools colors and was being such a jerk that I
immediately knew why he had such a hard time implementing the F.S.T.M. with his
team for any length of time.
I left with
my client, went to a diner and met with him after he dropped his daughter off
at home. We discussed the game, his daughter, what I thought she should work
on, and other sports she might want to try, and the fans that were there. He
thanked me, paid me, and we parted ways with a very nice compliment on my
suggestions.
Well, unbeknownst
to me during the game the other coach who I was working with wife saw me at the
game. She called me the next morning and asked if she could speak to me about a
problem. Seems her husband was having trouble with his job and sleeping at
night, especially after games he coached or watched. He wanted to have his
games taped and the kids watch video. She said it was also causing problems at home
and her daughter wanted to quit playing.
She asked if
I would talk to him for her. I said sure. I am still waiting for that call.
Frozen Short’s contact information:
You can follow VJ on twitter @VJJStanley, go to his website
frozenshorts.com to read other blogs and see video interviews of Doctors,
Athletes, coaches, and more. You can follow him on face book, or contact him at
vj@frozenshorts.com. Hiss book:Stop
the Tsunami in Youth Sportsis
available in E-Reader and paperback through his website frozenshorts.com
To say that
I had gotten over what I saw unfold during that game yesterday would have been
untrue. I was troubled the whole day. I began to realize if I wasthis upset, how this
must affect the children, coaches, and parents attending and playing in these
events on a regular basis.
How, even subconsciously must this wear and
tear at them beneath the surface and then come out in some other time and place
where they do not even realize the connection to what goes on in these games
and to the angst and short term hair trigger outbursts of negativity that, seemingly
to the outsider and uninformed, have no basis for such a reaction?
Or even
worse, since most people connected to, or associated with, this kind of regular
youth sports event, have become numb to its long term effect on their lives, they
see it as status quo and just part of their youth sports experience.
Almost a
badge of honor to say I have it worse than you. You have no idea how bad my kid
got screwed, so I have no problem with entitlement, of course, as long as me
and my kid are the ones receiving preferential treatment. But if it is
entitlement for you, or just call it “politics” I’m even more indignant.
If your kid
has to sit so that my kid plays more, tough, deal with it because it happened
to me too! And what you are seeing because of this mind set is a devaluation of
the journey, fun, team work and community.
College
coaches see it and are talking about it more and more. Go ask them, I do!
There it is, just like in everyday life.
Whether it is at work with jerk boss, on the commute where the idiot cuts you
off or cuts in and doesn’t wave thank you, or the lack of a directional signal,
too bad, I got it worse!
Then I see
it in the homes I’m called into consult. The parents so want what’s best for
their children but are overzealous and sometimes abusive. Or to the parent who thinks
their child is the next big thing and over indulge the athlete with everything
except discipline and the importance of sharing in the journey, and balance. And
on and on it goes.
My day was
long an arduous. I made and received calls at my office and sent out some more
of the Ryan Callahan video interviews I had done to various outlets in the
United States and Canada. But I did not have any fun that day. None, Zip, Zero.
Just writing about it makes me feel uncomfortable all over again. One of the
reasons I love my job so much is that I get to work with kids, keep my hand in
sports, and hopefully, make a difference in people’s lives. And I hope to leave
this place a little better than when I got here.
But I
digress.
The phone
rings. It’s the coach. He wants to talk. Seems he got more complaints after he
went back to playing the best players. The kids on the team who didn’t get to
play any more were very unhappy, and so were their parents. The game stopped
being fun for the kids.
The next
thing he told me was really troublesome. His best player and I use that term
loosely, had complained to him after the game about his playing time. He stated
that the score didn’t have to be that close, if HE had been playing the whole
game. His parents agreed he said as they had texted him from the stands during
the game and the text was waiting for him when he got back to the locker room.
I said did
you see any indication that this player was unhappy during the game? He shook
his head no. The he said” it doesn’t matter what I do, someone is always
unhappy.
It seems to me that the boy was o.k. with the
way things went, but once he got his father’s text, he knew he better say
something or feel the wrath of his father on the ride home.
The very
next game he went back to his old ways. He ran up the score, yelled
instructions to his players constantly, even getting a technical foul. It was
sad to watch. I left at half time discouraged. Two boys had not gotten to play
in the first half and they sat at the end of the bench dejected and angry.
The parents
in the stands were yelling at the referees and yelling instructions to their
children while they were playing. I watched this and thought, really?
Next week:
the conclusion!
Frozen
Short’s contact information:
You can
follow VJ on twitter @VJJStanley, go to his website frozenshorts.com to read
other blogs and see video interviews of Doctors, Athletes, coaches, and more.
You can follow him on face book, or contact him at vj@frozenshorts.com. Hiss book: Stop the Tsunami in Youth Sports is available in E-Reader and
paperback through his website frozenshorts.com
Well here is
what happened. The top player was put into a rotation just like everyone else.
In this particular game the team they were playing was not very good. The score
was going to be lopsided in his teams favor. You could see it from the start.
He came up
to me before the game started and asked what I thought. I said why don’t you
make two equal teams of five and just rotate them evenly through the game.
Maybe by keeping your “team” into two equal teams it will keep the score
closer. He seemed uncomfortable with that notion so I explained further.
If you have
all your best players play together they will get a big lead most assuredly. They
may even start to pick up some bad habits along the way. They might get
selfish, hot dog, or worse try to pad their stats by shooting and driving to
the basket with reckless abandon. All those things you will have to try and
correct after they happen, when you could have prevented them from happening by
implementing the F.S.T.M.
He agreed. I
could not help notice the curious smirk on his face as he went back to the bench.
During the game he rarely stood up in front of his kids
It has always bothered me when coaches walk up
and down in front of their team all the while telling the kids on the bench to
watch the game. How would the coach like it if he was trying to watch a game and
someone kept walking in front of him all the while yelling out instructions to
the team? He let them play.
And then it
happened. The score started to get close. The coach got a little nervous and
called a time out. He subbed in his best players so that the five kids he had
on the floor were clearly better than the other teams five.
Now I want
to say that before this substitution, the game was going along just fine.
Sportsmanship, good defense, nice passes, and generally excellent teamwork were
on display. But after the substitution, and the score started to get lopsided
all the things I warned him about started to happen/ Fouls became harsher,
words were exchanged between the players on the floor and the yelling form
coaches and parents picked up. To say that it was awful would be an
understatement. Nobody was having FUN; nobody was learning and what had been a
competitive fun game turned into a blowout.
I felt terrible, and disappointed.
After the
game was finished, I left. I had failed to convince the coach to stay the
course regardless of the score. I had not explained clearly enough to him to
have registered internally that this course of action that I had laid out was
in his and his teams’ long term best interest.
But the next
day something happened. NEXT WEEK!
You can
follow VJ on twitter @VJJStanley, go to his website frozenshorts.com to read
other blogs and see video interviews of Doctors, Athletes, coaches, and more.
You can follow him on face book, or contact him at vj@frozenshorts.com. His
book: Stop the Tsunami in Youth Sports I available in E reader and paperback
through his website frozenshorts.com
I was
recently called in by a coach to address the problems on his basketball team.
Once again, the team, the sport, the organization are unimportant. If our
paradigm is true, and it is, then it should be applicable to sports,
activities, business and life.
He was having problems with one of
his players. The player in question was a good kid but was not performing to the
coaches expectations. He could see the frustration on his players face in
practice and scrimmage.
I attended one game and one
scrimmage and the answer to his problem
was quite simple, however, by no means, was it going to be easy.
Here was the real problem. The
player in question, arguably the best player on the team, was kept in games no
matter what he did. Even when he made a mistake, he was not pulled out of the
game. (Now I am not saying he should be pulled out always after every mistake,
or any player should be pulled out for a mistake, but there should be
consequences, and they should be immediate) Instead the coach would turn to players
on the bench and lecture them about the mistakes on the court. You should have
seen the look on the players sitting on the bench after the coach turned
around. They could not have cared less!!.
So after the game I take the coach out
to a diner and we sit down and chat. I did not want anyone to hear our
conversation, or have the coach feel nervous around his people. I stayed in the
background the whole time.
I wish I would have recorded this
conversation, but as soon as I left I wrote this all down. I am trying to get
this as close as possible to the actual conversation, but I’m old, my hand
writing is awful, and I keep getting distracted thinking about more things to
talk about.
I asked the coach why he didn’t pull
the player put of the game. He said he did not want his player to feel his
starting position was in jeopardy. I said no one has a starting position locked;
only the spots themselves are assured because someone has to start. Starting
positions are fluid. I then asked him if he thought that you ran fastest when
you were being chased. He smiled, he got it!
He then told me about having another
player talk to this player to assure him about his importance to the team. I
explained to him that if that player needed reinforcement by another player to
play well there was no way he was the team’s best player. Besides it is the
coaches’ job not another player’s job to talk to the player.
The next question really floored me.
He said that he had players on his team that couldn’t start and that they
really didn’t have the talent to push the starter. He had told these players
their roles at the beginning of the season. WHAT? I said why don’t you ask one
of those players who you think can’t play if they want a chance to start? Tell
them they are going to get a chance to start the next game if they give their
all in practice. Now he was STUNNED!
The only real tool a coach has is
playing time. Everything else is subjective. Inter team competition is the best
way to bring that out in all your players.
Next week,
what happened when the F.S.T. M. was implemented.
Frozen
Short’s contact information:
You can
follow VJ on twitter @VJJStanley, go to his website frozenshorts.com to read
other blogs and see video interviews of Doctors, Athletes, coaches, and more.
You can follow him on face book, or contact him at vj@frozenshorts.com. His
book: Stop the Tsunami in Youth Sports I available in E reader and paperback
through his website frozenshorts.com
VJ Stanley, founder and president of Frozen Shorts, is a strong advocate for allowing children to play sports for fun. Photo courtesy of VJ Stanley
Youth Soccer News: A Radical Idea – Letting Kids Play Sports for FUN! Youth Soccer News: Over the years youth sports has changed from something kids did for fun to a means to achieve a goal. Whether it is to gain a college scholarship or to make an elite team, Vincent J. Stanley is working to bring the FUN back to youth sports. Stanley says, "Kids need to be kids and play for fun." Vincent J. (VJ) Stanley is a long-time coach in multiple sports and the founder and president of Frozen Shorts, which encourages children to play sports for fun. Stanley has written a book, Stop the Tsunami in Youth Sports: Achieving Balanced Excellence and Health While Embracing the Value of Play for Fun, which is a guide for families, coaches and players to encourage the idea of playing youth sports for fun. The book is available as an E-book and will come out in October 2012 as a CD andMP3 file. A paperback version is due in late 2012.
Stanley sees the current focus on year-round play in a single sport as both detrimental and hazardous to young athletes.
The majority of children playing youth sports at age 10 quit by age 13, and overuse injuries among young athletes are on the rise. According to Stanley, both of these trends could be reversed by allowing children to play multiple sports and to play for fun, rather than to reach some elite level. Earlier this year Stanley was interviewed on Rochester, N.Y., station WHAM about his philosophy of play for fun.
SoccerNation interviewed Stanley to get his thoughts on the importance of allowing children to play sport for fun and how that could change the face of youth athletics. SNN: In today's highly competitive youth sports environment, are parents and some coaches pushing their kids too hard? VJ Stanley: The simple answer is yes. However, there is much more to that question than just a simple answer. The question to the question is why. Why are parents and coaches putting so much pressure on children at younger and younger ages to be very competitive and win?
The next question to those two questions is, do they have the facts to know whether this is even healthy for their children and players, both mentally and physically? Then they need to get to the question of if there is a long-term benefit to them by being so competitive, and the mantra that more is better. Now we have a fundamental base from which to continue, to be able to answer the question fully.
Let me start with the premise that just about anything that a child does pre-puberty will not have a long-term net gain on a child’s athletic success. Puberty changes everything.
Our data and research on a national level show that about 10% of the children who are better than the rest of the other athletes at pre-puberty ages maintain and grow to be the best athletes when they are 17 or 18. Burnout, injuries, and other interests are mitigating factors to this phenomenon. Besides, children change their minds all the time. Isn’t it better to give them a fundamental base applicable to all areas of life rather than a sports-specific, myopic one?
Since the male and female bodies don’t fully develop until the children are into their early 20s, around 23, 24, and 25 years of age, it becomes disingenuous to the process to try and make these children into something they are not capable of being at an early age and won’t be when they get older. Would you teach a 10 year old Physics?
Seventy percent of all children playing youth sports at the age of 10, which is the #1 age for participation in the country, quit by the time they are 13. People like to say they have other interests, but the data say there are three main reasons:
They are not having fun
Too much pressure from coaches and parents to win
Lack of playing time.
Now, you couple this data with the facts that only about 1% of all children that go to a four-year school play at the Division I level and that the average Division I scholarship, excluding Football and Basketball, is $8,700 a year, and you have a cauldron brewing where irrational thought and behavior will eventually boil over to justify the commitment to winning. The data do not support the time, money, and end-of-the-rainbow wishful thinking results. SNN: Do you believe that kids should only play one sport? VJ Stanley: I do not believe that children should play one sport. Data have shown that children that play one sport year round are more likely to have injuries, burn out and not continue to play their sport at the Division I level.
Balance is so important to the human body and brain that they have an Olympic event named after it: the Balance Beam. We call it Balanced Excellence at Frozen Shorts and stress it in our book and presentations.
An expression “Absence makes the heart grow fonder” applies to sports as well as life. More and more college coaches are looking to recruit athletes that play more than one sport because they are easier to coach. These athletes do not have a false sense of their ability and understand being a great teammate is as important as talent. SNN: Do you believe that rest is important? Why? What do you mean by rest? VJ Stanley: Rest is crucial to an athlete’s development. Here is how important rest is: the United States Olympic Committee has changed the configuration of their dorm rooms. They have changed the curtains to a much darker color, they have changed the music that is played and they have changed the mattresses to pillow tops mattresses. Their findings show data that say when their athletes sleep more than eight hours their bodies release a natural form of HGH and that they have data to support increased performance. They actually have their athletes comparing sleep data and corresponding performance.
One of the new terms floating around is active rest. We simply say, go play something else – not your chosen sport – for fun. Get together with friends and play pickup games. PLAY FOR FUN!
I ask you, don’t you perform better at work, and don’t you get along better with your co-workers after a good night’s rest? SNN: What is the biggest challenge in youth soccer today? VJ Stanley: The biggest problem facing youth soccer and youth sports in general is the amount of children quitting. With obesity increasing four-fold over the last decade or two, and about 50% of all the children born after the year 2000 headed for Type 2 diabetes, I believe that we need to have our children, and more of them, convinced to lead a more active lifestyle.
They need to have fun and enjoy youth sports while they are young so they will continue to want to be active as adults. You want to know what the #1 growing adult sport is in the country? WHIFFLE BALL! Gaining on whiffle ball is kick ball. WHY? Because they are fun! SNN: How do you suggest we avoid burnout in our youth players? VJ Stanley: Read my book, Stop the Tsunami in Youth Sports. We are trying convince people that health and having fun through Balanced Excellence is the most important indicator for your child’s long-term well being and athletic development. This philosophy and paradigm is supported by doctors, athletic trainers, coaches, and Division I and professional athletes who have already gone through or are going through the journey.
The mental and physical health of this generation of children is at risk and burnout is a large part of the problem, not just in youth sports, but many activities that our children engage in.
After you read the book or attend one of our seminars, gather as many facts and ask as many questions as possible, then make an informed choice and decision about your level of commitment in all areas. Be it time, money, or even whether you play or not, make decisions, which can change, based on the facts as they are, not the fantasy that is so subjective and myopic.
You may think having your child get more playing time at a young age is going to help give them a competitive advantage, but really is it? And at what cost? It really is just another form of entitlement cloaked in the “more is better” mantra. I have heard parents say, “But my child loves to play their sport; they want to play it year round.”
Well, I love ice cream, but it’s not healthy to eat it every day.
All you are really doing at a young age is giving a child a head start in a race that probably does not exist. And that head start gives the child and parents the belief that they are good, and are entitled, and will get a scholarship; the facts simply do not support that idea at all. SNN: So, rather than playing year around to reach some goal, what is your advice? VJ Stanley: PLAY FOR FUN. I had one person tell me, after listening to one of my presentations, that she thought children could have too much fun. Oh, I truly hope that becomes a problem! After we were done talking she came away with a different point of view. Intrinsic change and growth, not external pressure is a key component for avoiding burnout. What if I told you your child could be better at their chosen sport by not playing it all the time? Well, it’s true. There is a natural law of diminishing returns here that applies.
Eighty-five percent of all people who lose their jobs, not counting massive layoffs, lose their jobs because they don’t get along with fellow workers. So the life lessons we should be teaching our children should be 85% getting along as teammates and only 15% about competing for victories. We are trying to force feed our children concepts they cannot understand, and shouldn’t have to, at way too early an age, and they internally resist it as it goes against their nature.
VJ Stanley poses with his son on the rink after a hockey game. Photo courtesy of VJ Stanley
SNN: For the elite players, what recommendations do you have? VJ Stanley: I would first ask the question, what is your definition of an elite athlete? I would then ask who is telling this athlete that they are elite. About 80% of a college coach’s time is spent on recruiting. College coaches have access to many different ways to find and evaluate elite athletes. They have assistants who go out and watch athletes play every day.
The pool of athletes for a Division I scholarship is truly global now. So you may think you are an elite athlete when in fact you are only a big fish in a small pond.
There are a limited number of scholarships available athletically. There are 77 times MORE non-athletic scholarships than athletic ones and very few full athletic scholarships to college, so I would say emphatically, STUDY! Hit the books! It is very unlikely that any athlete cannot be found if they have talent.
Now, if a Division I coach has told you that you can play at that level, and not your youth coach, any relative, a “wanna be” scout or a scouting service, my advice for you would be to keep your grades up, get plenty of rest, make sure you are having fun playing your sport, and to balance your athletics with academics.
Don’t get caught up in the hype of having to play on this one specific team. Find a team that encourages a positive attitude, modeled by the head coach, with humility, accountability and sportsmanship. If you combine talent with that paradigm, a college coach will find you. In the very odd chance that you are not found and have talent, there is a thing called “walk-ons” in college sports, and you can try out when you show up to the college of your choice. SNN: Do you believe that some injuries could be prevented or the risks minimized? VJ Stanley: I believe that at least 50% of all youth sports injuries can be prevented. Last year, 3.5 million children went to the hospital for overuse injuries. Dr. James Andrewsperformed 50 “Tommy John” surgeries (ulnar collateral ligament reconstruction) in 2000, while last year he did 251.
We have been working with doctors and Certified Athletic Trainers collecting data on how rest, proper nutrition, and balanced excellence are the key to health and injury avoidance. People like to say that youth sports and the ensuing injuries are a social phenomena; I say they are a man-made disease. SNN: The philosophy of more training is better is pervasive in America. Your advice is different. Why? VJ Stanley: In preparation for a writing test I ask you to do the following: Write your name and address 100 times, and then 100 more times, in preparation for the final exam of writing your name and address. Do you really think that you will be that much better than the person I had do the same exercise only 20 times, and then took them out for ice cream to relax before they took the final writing test? Your wrist would probably hurt, and so would your elbow and shoulder, and you would not be very happy with me.
At the end of a long work day that includes lots of stress, do you perform your tasks as well as when you were fresh? If you can’t, why do you think our children can? SNN: How long have you been coaching, and what sports have you coached? VJ Stanley: I am the youngest coach in the history of High School Hockey in Monroe County. I was a Head coach in college hockey for 21 years. I have coached baseball all the way from T-ball up to U-19 travel. I have also coached soccer, football, and basketball. SNN: What sports did you play growing up, and did you ever feel burnt out from a sport? VJ Stanley: I played just about every sport around growing up. I played Varsity High School hockey, soccer, and baseball (I did not play any of those sports at any level other than the Varsity level.) At the J.V. and freshmen level I played tennis, track, and football. I played one game at Clarkson College before two concussions in one week, my seventh and eighth, ended my career. I never felt burnt out. We played outside all day and played multiple sports. I really looked forward to the next sport when the seasons changed. SNN: What, if anything, do you wish you could done differently as an athlete? VJ Stanley: The only two things I wish I could have done differently is gotten better grades, and I wish that I would have gotten out of the way of the last two hits that knocked me silly and ended my career. SNN: What bothers you most about youth sports? VJ Stanley: Yelling at the kids when they are playing. I went to a youth sports soccer game of 5 and 6 year olds. It was 32 minutes long. I brought a stop watch and timed the amount of play the children actually got. It was 11 minutes and 37 seconds. In the first half alone the coaches yelled 27 instructions to these little kids. Would you like to have someone at work yell 27 instructions to you in a 16 minute part of your work day? Then why should we do it to the kids? SNN: What do you think about the amount of time kids actually play during a game? VJ Stanley: I believe in equal play for all kids up through the age of 12. I have watched over 1000 youth sports games and practices, and I can tell you that minimum playing time does not work in most cases. No one is qualified to determine at that age someone is going to be an elite athlete. After age 12 it should be play by performance, no entitlement, no exceptions. A good friend of mine said that we keep trying to microwave our kid’s athletic developments when we should be slow cooking it. SNN: Do you have any last thoughts to share? VJ Stanley: Your child is not the chosen one.
Love him/her and support them in a positive way that empowers them to find their own path, whatever that may be, but not to your dream of glory and riches.
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